Posts Tagged ‘Big Brother 10’

Big Brother 10: Dan is a Genius

September 11, 2008

Big Brother 10 is winding down.  As always, it always seems more interesting at the beginning than it does at the end, and the most interesting people get kicked out first.  We needed Ollie and April to keep bucking it on out on camera [NSFW] just to keep it interesting, but alas they are getting their freak on in the sequester house now.  Where if they were getting loose while they were on camera, you know they are getting completely wild now.

So here’s where it is.  Dan, Memphis and Jerry are the only ones left in the house.  Jerry, the token old guy has no chance in hell.

That dude ain’t winning.  Not at all.

Who else is there?  Memphis?

Yeah, the professional “mixologist” will probably end up being the dude sitting next to Dan, but Dan has been using Memphis to look like the bad dude for the last few weeks.  He’s also played Memphis to make him look like a bad player.  Also, this dude wears deeper v neck shirts than any of the women in the house.  That is completely unacceptable.

Speaking of the ladies, the last woman standing was Keesha.

No she’s not worried.  She always makes that face for some reason.  She was supposed to be one of the hot girls, but you know what, she’s really not.  She’s missing a tooth over there on the right side.  That’s not hot.

You know who is about to win though?  Dan.

This dude as been running some high level game on everyone for the entire game and the crazy thing is everything he’s done has worked.  He threw challenges when he needed to, then he turned it on and dominated every challenge when he needed to.  And he called his shots to the cameras the whole time.  He might be the best player since Dr. Will.  Look, he’s not running any Chill Town level smack, but he’s working for the fans in there.

The only thing that could go down is Memphis winning the final challenge and snaking Dan to keep Jerry in the house for the loot.  I don’t think Memphis has got it in him though.  Dan wins.  He might sweep this thing if he plays his cards right.

I need that Chill Town recap now.

-Brock

Big Brother 10: Ollie is a Son of A…

August 12, 2008

Preacher man.  What did you think I was going to say?

For those who aren’t up on Big Brother 10 (and why not?  This is solid summer programming)  Let me tell you about Ollie (real name Bryan Ollie).  This brother is the son of a preacher, has never had a sip of the devils nectar (he doesn’t drink), doesn’t curse, doesn’t smoke, played Football on full scholarship at Iowa State.  His father’s church is the real deal.  I’m talking faith healing, speaking in tongues, the whole nine.  I mean he really sounds like a good wholesome dude.

Oh and another thing?  Ollie is banging out April, the blonde haired white girl in the house like the next time might be his last time.

I’m talking about in broad daylight under a blanket.  I’m talking about in night vision.  Not to mention the fact that there is a straight up 24 hour a day live webcam feed going on in the house.  That means that everytime they get busy, that joint is being beamed all over the world live.

Now I haven’t been to church in a long time, but who cares if you don’t drink when you will cut on the internet live?  I doesn’t seem that impressive if you flaunt your principles and you are having sex every which-a-way.  Aren’t we picking our sins here?

I’m sure Ollie has the “I LV GSUS” licence plate.  I’m sure he doesn’t eat pork because he does not “partake in the cloven hoof”.  He is probably firm in his belief that all Jews and Muslims are going straight to hell because they have not accepted Jesus as their lord and savior.  Unprotected, premarital sex?  Hey, everyone needs one vice, right?

Look, normally I wouldn’t point this out, but Ollie ain’t making love here.  Once April won some privacy up in the HOH room, Ollie started fuckin.  I mean gettin it.  Don’t believe me?  Peep this. (NSFW, don’t turn up the volume either)

There hasn’t been night vision action like that since Paris Hilton.  It really starts getting loose at long about the 2:50 mark.  I didn’t watch it, but that is what I hear.  I mean slap it up, flip it, rub it down Ohhnooooooooo!

Look, when I saw that Ollie was that classic, comfortable with everyone football player, but I didn’t know he could run game like that.  I mean is it part of what they cover in practice?

That’s not Ollie, but you can tell they we’re trained in the game at the same school.  Look at this cat.  Got six chicks throwing the shocker.

Ollie.  You have one of the strongest games I’ve ever seen on Big Brother.  In fact, you might be the US Reality pimp of all time.  Sure your lady let an old dude grab her j’s on national tv as soon as she walked into the house, but she’s still a catch.  Oh, and she caught you giving Janelle a little too much love the other night.  Blonde girls are your kryptonite, huh?

Play on Playa.  Us Versus Them salutes you.

-Brock

Big Brother 10: Is Jesse Serious?

August 7, 2008

BIg Brother 10 is still rolling and it is finally getting to the point where it is actually interesting.  All the chicks who were unacceptable ugly three weeks ago are now curiously interesting.  Ollie is still rocking a hat.  Libra is still turrible.  Keesha is still a white girl with a black name, and Jerry is still confused confusing.

This dude is the first one to turn being an “ornery, angry ol coot” into a strategy.  I’m sure he’ll try to say yelling at everyone in the house was part of his strategy, but in reality he’s sticking around because there is no way in hell he can win.  He’ll float to the end unless someone needs an easy “I don’t want to offend anyone” week.

By the way.  Was there anyone more excited than Ollie when April won HOH?  I mean these cats have been cutting in full on lights and public, Ollie has got to be straight beating it up now that they have the HOH room and a locked door.

And when I say beating it up, I’m not talking about jabs and uppercuts.  I feel sorry for the next HOH.  I feel even worse for the staffer that has to roll up in there and change those sheets.

That brings us to “more than just a body” Jesse.

First of all, this cat doesn’t speak in full sentences.  Miss South Carolina thinks he’s incoherent.  Second, that going away speech he gave to Steven was completely off key.  “I hope I can be an inspiration to you.  Now you know your body and have seen what I have been able to accomplish, so I wish you good luck in your training.”

Muthafucka you’re a weightlifter, not a damn Shaolin monk.  Nobody is trying to snatch the pebble out of your dumbass hand.  Finally, what is up with this dude’s “If I’m in trouble I’ll just REALLY piss people off” strategy?  I don’t think he’ll go tomorrow, but he’s working on it.

Final thought.  Julie Chen is the worst host on any reality show, other than maybe that I Love Money guy.  But every once in a while she wears something that jumps out at a brother like she might be packing some thunder somewhere.  It is all camera trickery, but it sneaks up on a brother.

I got my eye on you Julie Chen.  You don’t end up marrying the head of your network by mistake.  I know you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve.  By the way, since you know the man up top, can you convince CBS to give you some better technology for talking to the house.  That bama ass remote control corded white thing you carry every Thursday is just awkward.  Surely they can control that from the booth.

-Brock