Survivor: China – Chicken gets Fried

by

survivor_china.jpg

Survivor is back for the 15th time with Survivor: China.  After a few years of diversity that casted more minorities on the show and actually gave them a shot at forming an alliance and winning, resulting in wins for brotherman Earl Cole in Fiji, and Yul Kwan(not to be confused with Yuuuuueee!, which makes you crank that Soulja boy), we’re right back to the standard formula of two black people and two or three “others” with a gang of adventurous white people.

I guess they went with social diversity this time with “Chicken”, “Frosti”, a wrassler, a grave digger (the brother, who is built like he digs by hand.  Who is his grandfather?  John Henry?  Seriously, he already had a hot line like he is a pro boxer or a pro wrestler, “I bury people all day”.  Great.), a pro poker player (who may be only slightly “pro” like Nick on Big Brother was a pro football player), and a “sneaky” male flight attendant.

They pulled the old, “you can only take what you have on right now” trick.  And sent the women into the woods wearing dresses and heels.  On the real, how many times is this trick going to work?  If I went on Survivor, starting at the second interview, you best believe I’d have on two pairs of draws, a bathing suit, a pair of those shorts where the legs can come off and turn into shorts, a wife beater undera moisture-wicking t-shirt under a long sleeve t under a sweater under a wind breaker under a XXXXL White-T that looks like a nightgown undera hoodie with a lighter in the pocket, with a baseball cap under one of those helmets that hold drinks on the side, with a pair of sneakers with Nike Air in them with a pair of flip flops taped to the soles just in case I want to remove them and chill at the camp with my toes out sometimes.  Sure, everyone would laugh at first, and I’d be one sweaty muuuhfu*kah.  But when Jeff said, you can only keep what you have on, I bet everyone would look at me like “gosh, that guy was smart, I wonder if I can borrow his white T?”  I’d accomodate the ladies…for favors…but only for the first day or two before everyone started smelling all funky from being outside all the time.

Back to the show.  Always remember the rule of the first episode of Survivor.  The person going home is either old, weird, sick, or bossy.  This season it was old.  Chicken got pieced out for being crotchety for all I can tell.  But someone has to go.  They teased WWE Diva Ashley like she was going to be out for being sick, but the rest of the tribe must have figured out that there are always a lot of water challenges so her airbags may come in handy.

Plus, does this look like someone who gets sent home right away?

ashley-massaro-no-way-out.jpg

Yeah, didn’t think so.  Not my type, but I’ll still watch.  By the way, I’m told she’s appeared nude in Playboy…and although I’ve never sought out those types of pictures, there are people who do, and they say you might find what you are looking for here (you know that’s NSFW, right?).

Some parting questions:

When they design the challenges, do they sit around and say…”This would be better if we could make the entire course covered in 3 inches of mud”?

How long before Vince McMahon runs a “Survivor” angle with someone getting voted out of the WWE?

How do you get the nickname Frosti?  By making this face?

Was that an official Mullet?

Did Jaime say “she didn’t bring a bra”, does that mean at all, or just that day?  From this picture, she doesn’t look like the type of girl who doesn’t need one. 

Are any of these women fine?  I can’t tell?  One usually sneaks up on me long about episode 3…in a water challenge…i’m just saying, Jaime, it might be you.  Come back every week for more!

-Brock

2 Responses to “Survivor: China – Chicken gets Fried”

  1. Z Says:

    The poker “pro” is Jean-Robert Bellande. He’s E-list as poker pros go with only 1 good year (2005) and less than 1M in earnings. He’s better known for being a dick at the table than actual play. Still, he’s probably more legit as a “pro” than Nick.

  2. zr1 Says:

    haha. i like your review on Denise. pretty much dead on accuracy. that’s your basic low class sob story con angle. one step up from her are the idiots standing on the streets with a cardboard sign asking for money.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: