Cancel the UvT Summer Party…

Because we just relocated it to Greece.

I haven’t looked up American law on this topic, but nine British women and twelve men in Athens, Greece were just arrested for participating in an oral sex competition.

I know Shaq.  That’s what I said.

Where do I start?  Okay, let’s start with the fact that when I say nine women and twelve men were arrested for participating in this contest I don’t mean it was men versus women, I mean the women were in the contest, and the men were…how do you say…judging the contest.

Sorry Spitzer, no celebrity judges allowed.

Here’s my question.  How do you win this contest?  Enthusiasm?  Technique?  First to the finish line?  First to finish line doesn’t seem fair…that depends on the dude as much as the work the ‘contestant’ is putting in.  I think a combination of enthusiasm and technique is the only way to go.  But that is subjective so that means the ladies have to rotate to make sure every judge can make an accurate assessment.  That must have been how it was supposed to go down considering there were 12 guys and only 9 women.  That means the ladies came into the competition knowing they were going to be giving lots of head.

So the ladies got arrested for prostitution.  Which means they have been accused of getting paid for sex.  How exactly did this contest work?  I’m assuming there was no participation prize here, so technically only the winner was a prostitute, right?  She’s the only one who got paid.  It’s just like high school, everyone calls the girl who gives the best head a ho.

To me this isn’t prostitution, it’s more like gambling, a sporting contest.  You could take action from the sidelines.  In fact it would be a hell of a spectator sport.  Or has Superhead already won this competition in order to earn her moniker?

I say you have to earn it.

Hey, I hereby nominate the guys who organized this competition for the UvT awards…as soon as we have some.  Unless these chicks were professional porn stars, they had nine (relatively) regular chicks signing up for a head competition.  I mean girls gone wild gets loose, but this is a whole ‘notha level.

-Brock

Keeping up with the Kardashians: Terrible Show

Ok, this will be short and sweet. After a lot of travel I finally got to a point in my tivo backlog where I could take the time to watch Kim Kardashian’s reality show, Keeping up with the Kardashians. And true to form, Kim’s second television experience was about as lame and uninspiring as her first (yes, for the ones of you who didn’t peep that sex tape, it was pretty boring…well, not all of it was boring, NSFW) one with Ray J.

Anyway, what I’ve learned is pretty simple.

(When you’re dealing with Kimmy K, what you see if what you get, nothing but titties and ass)

The chick is crazy hot and her mama was an innovator by providing the world with that extraordinary breast to waist to ass ratio, so we can only hate but so much on the Kardashians in general.

Believe you me, it was unlike anything we had ever previously seen on a white woman, but ultimately, mom dukes passed something else on to Kimmy K, a complete and utter lack of personality, swagger and juice! Damn, it’s so disappointing. How can a babe be so good in still shots and so bad in action? I guess we can’t have it all. She looks the damn part, but this babe makes Paris Hilton look like she’s actually got some talent and charisma. I mean, a complete wet blanket on the screen… and the writing for this show.. come on now. “This is my stripper pole that mom and Bruce got me for my birthday, now I’ll rip the dress my sister told me not to wear and let my other sister, who is 12 years old mind you, get up on the pole so that she might be able to propel herself into super ho status before she leaves middle school too…” I know, controversial and shocking and sooooo unscripted. Hey, this show makes The Hills look like a cutting edge, innovative drama with real people and real relationships. What a joke!

On a brighter note, both of her other sisters, even the one who looks like Chyna from the WWE, have ass too. I am especially fond of of Kourtney, who is a slimmed down and arguably prettier version of Kim, but still with tail piece you know and love.

All in all, the sad truth is that I don’t want to keep up with the Kardashians anymore than I already do, namely, seeing them in sex tapes, still shots and on nude playboy shoots. And Bruce Jenner on this show? Absolutely terrible. I think they got confused when they added that fool onto the cast, even if he is their stepfather.

Damn, it was sad to see ole Bruce fall off like he has. I mean, this cat was the signature athlete in the 80s.

Now he belongs on Dr. 90210 under the botched sun bathing and wrinkle removal.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. I mean, he may in fact be the first male cougar with that orangish hue, torrible haircut/wig piece, ghastly gear and blatantly obvious diminished sense of self worth. Bottom line, we’ve got a reality tv bonanza on our hands out here with Tila Tequila, the Bachelor and I Love New York. This show just didn’t make the cut. I’ll watch one more episode, but if I don’t see some ode to Kardashian ass, Ray J does Dallas part duex or Kim channels Superhead (some more) part 6, I’m turning that shit off and never watching it, much less talking about it, again.

– Lake