Whatcha Gonna Do, Nick Hogan?!?!

For some reason it is almost impossible to get an ounce of aRa Kelly coverage, but there is plenty of info out there on the completely dysfunctional Hogan family and Nick Hogan’s state sponsored vacation. Let’s cover the basics first. Here’s the wreck.

So it is clear that Nick Hogan is lucky to be alive right now. He was thrown in jail because his friend who was in the car with him is paralyzed. Only got sent up for 9 months behind that, but for some reason Nick thinks that isn’t fair.

Nick, we know you didn’t mean to do it, and I’m sure you are sorry for what you did, but why do you think you should get special treatment? Your dad may be the Hulkster, but you aren’t anyone. You were the fourth most interesting person in a family of four on a very uninteresting show.

Here’s the real crazy thing. They put Nick in solitary to protect him. Makes sense, right? People would be trying to test young hulkster, trying to drop that “big boot” on him. Naaaaaaaah, Nick doesn’t see it that way, so he begs to get out! He wants to be in the gen pop. Is he f’n crazy? Has he seen Oz?

Hey Nick, in real life, the Hulkster isn’t going to come running out the back to save you when they start laying those boots to your ass. You think dad will be there to save you and hit your cell mates with this:

Instead, you need to be making sure you don’t end up like this:

Nick, you need to just lay low homey. You got off lucky, so just STFU and do your time.

At least you are distracting the public from trying to figure out why your sister’s chin is so strong, or why your Mom is dating a dude younger than you.

-Brock

Wrestlemania 25: Hulk Hogan Vs. The Million Dollar Woman

Daaaaaamn. Now this just ain’t right. Hulk Hogan’s wife rolled out to California a few weeks ago and drops divorce papers on the Hulkster from afar.

Is that like a steel chair attack? What else can Hogan take right now? He son is looking to be heading to jail for street racing that ended up in a manslaughter charge. His daughter dresses like this:

I don’t even need to put her in the UvT lab to analyze whether she is tight or not. That is just a big chick right there, no two ways about that. Unless they airbrush her up.

How is this divorce going to work out? She wants a share of their millions of dollars worth of property and child support for their son. Does Hulk get to have those terrible obviously fake J’s back?

I already know what’s going to happen at the trial. I’ve seen it a million times.

Hulkster walks into the court with his yellow tank top on. When the judge asks him for his opening statement, he just stands up and does this:

Hogan starts off strong. Throwing lefts and rights. Body slam here, atomic drop there. But Linda rallys back. Child support, the house in Miami, the car collection, the master tapes of Thunder in Paradise. Hogan looks like he’s done for. He snaps back up shakes his head and gives her the point.

That is when Linda is in trouble. We all know what comes next.

Big boot:

Leg drop:

Cue up “I am a real American”

Linda doesn’t have a chance.

-Brock