Posts Tagged ‘Hulk Hogan’

Whatcha Gonna Do, Nick Hogan?!?!

June 12, 2008

For some reason it is almost impossible to get an ounce of aRa Kelly coverage, but there is plenty of info out there on the completely dysfunctional Hogan family and Nick Hogan’s state sponsored vacation. Let’s cover the basics first. Here’s the wreck.

So it is clear that Nick Hogan is lucky to be alive right now. He was thrown in jail because his friend who was in the car with him is paralyzed. Only got sent up for 9 months behind that, but for some reason Nick thinks that isn’t fair.

Nick, we know you didn’t mean to do it, and I’m sure you are sorry for what you did, but why do you think you should get special treatment? Your dad may be the Hulkster, but you aren’t anyone. You were the fourth most interesting person in a family of four on a very uninteresting show.

Here’s the real crazy thing. They put Nick in solitary to protect him. Makes sense, right? People would be trying to test young hulkster, trying to drop that “big boot” on him. Naaaaaaaah, Nick doesn’t see it that way, so he begs to get out! He wants to be in the gen pop. Is he f’n crazy? Has he seen Oz?

Hey Nick, in real life, the Hulkster isn’t going to come running out the back to save you when they start laying those boots to your ass. You think dad will be there to save you and hit your cell mates with this:

Instead, you need to be making sure you don’t end up like this:

Nick, you need to just lay low homey. You got off lucky, so just STFU and do your time.

At least you are distracting the public from trying to figure out why your sister’s chin is so strong, or why your Mom is dating a dude younger than you.

-Brock

The New American Gladiators: Good or Terrible?

January 7, 2008

Ok, so after I took in the Rocket man, I went ahead and watched the New Nu American Gladiators. Haaa, maaaan, I don’t know. I mean, it used to be cool back when I was 8, but nowadays, it kind of seemed like some WWE rejects with X-Men costumes on. One thing we know for sure, HGH, steroids, EPO, the clear, the cream and testosterone were definitely in the house.

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Is it just me or something just not right with this cat. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but I’m willing to be that the dude who was standing outside of those UNC player’s apt. butt (yes, I said it) ass naked with a knife in his hand had this exact expression and body position when homey opened the door.

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Oh no…I must say, I liked the old standby challenges. That one where they score the balls into those holes should have been standard in gym class and that Joust is always hot.

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One thing I did not appreciate were these disqualifications and constant references to “the rules”.. it’s American Gladiators, a random ass show, there are no rules!!! Just entertain me and the more injuries the better. It should be just like in the real gladiator pit. Just throw another cat into a blue or red unitard and get the show poppin.

I must give it up to show contributors for the addition of Helga the Big Big girl to the female Gladiators roster.

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Big girls need love too. Damn, do yall see that waist line? As for Ali and Hulk, I don’t know. They add very little for me. I don’t need someone with ass kicking credentials, I need someone who is funny to give me a little bit better commentary. Give me Joe Rogan (though he’s only mildly funny) or some wise cracking a-hole from Best Week Ever. Overall, I can’t quite decide if I like this show or not. What did yall think?

– Lake

———–UPDATE—————

That American Gladiators was the definition of good and Turrible. First of all, I think Layla Ali’s voice is deeper than the Hulksters. Where do they find these cats? Seriously, are these cats reality TV show rejects? I know ol girl Crush, Gina Carano is a female ultimate fighter. That actually makes some sense. She whoops ass in real life.

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Still a little too strong looking to be fine, but probably the best of the bunch. I know the brother up top with the frohawk was on the WWE Tough Enough challenge a few years ago. So they are basically fielding cats who couldn’t make it elsewhere.

Speaking of cats who formerly worked in other professions. This dude here:

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Tough guy, right? Militia is what they call him. Well, what did he do before American Gladiators?

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That would be gay porn. But he’s not gay, right? I love these cats who work in gay bars talking about how it was just a job. Nah player, you’re gay. The worst thing? It really breaks everything that makes it almost acceptable to watch these cats prancing around in those shawt shorts X-Men outfits. It breaks the damn fourth wall. Now everytime this dude grabs someone in powerball, is he supposed to whisper “no homo” in their ear when he grabs them? That breaks the T-Pain rule of misuse of “no homo”.

Let’s see, American Gladiators runs out ex reality stars? How long before Punk…errrr….David, and Buddha from I Love New York try to make the cut?

-Brock

American Gladiator

December 10, 2007

What do you get when you cross this:

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With this?

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You get this:

American Gladiators is back?  The Hulkster is the host?  Are they breaking out the Joust?  What about that joint where they shoot tennis balls out of an air cannon at people?  Or the one where you have to dunk the soccer balls in the little trash cans?

First of all you’ve gotta brink back Nitro, right?

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Actually, that dude is probably fifty something by now.  Still you can’t have American Gladiators without Nitro.

By the way, where do they find those mannish women to compete as Gladiators on the show?

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I mean these chicks have got to be on the Balco cocktail.  Hell, maybe Marion Jones can find a new job. The new show debuts on January 6th.  I guess the writers strike is cutting the options more quickly than I thought.  We will all be watching eating competitions and freaking You Tube clip shows before we know it.

Damn, I just remembered the contest where they put you in the little hamster ball and you had to roll around scoring points!  This is going to be great!

-Brock