Oh No, Not Rihanna in Mom Jeans!!!!

by

Dammit!!!!!  The year was 2000 and young Lake made a run to the lovely country of Brazil.  When he got there, all he saw were lovely young women rocking low slung, hip hugger jeans.

He couldn’t believe what he saw and immediately wondered when American women would get with the program and adopt the South American jean concept (along with a few other things).

And if you haven’t been, yes, even the mannequins got ass in Bra-zee.  Anyway, it’s no shock how happy I was when I started seeing all the mothers, sisters, and oh yes, DAUGHTERS break that fashion glass ceiling and put their arses into these superior jeans like the founders intended!

You gotta love it and while it wasn’t without the occasional complication:

The shit was mostly all to the good.  And I tell you, it enhanced EVERYBODY.  I don’t know what it is, but that low hip looks right on all body types.

Or at least all the ones I looked at.

Well now it seems that chicks are really trying to fuck my game up.  That high hip may be in fashion, but damn fashion, I gotta live in this world!  Take Rihanna’s non dancing ass for instance.  Sure, she’s been looking damn good lately, but she’s setting up some shit that aint good for me and quite honestly, aint good for America.

Hey Ri Ri…my 7th grade class called and they want their jeans back (and dat azz while you’re at it, thx).

Even Barack took a moment away from his message of change and asked Ri Ri to quit the shit when I sent him the pic of Rihanna with the mom jeans.

And Hillary, she didn’t get it at all.

I mean, why would Rihanna do this to our country?  I know she’s from Turks and Cake Cos, Aruba, Cuba, somethin’, but still, she stays kicking it the US of A.  She owes it to us all to set the proper example and keep the rise low!  I know, I know, it’s not big deal, it’s just what’s “in” right now.  Sure, that’s what they said about the do rag:

The curl:

And dammit, the cornrow.

By the way, just between you and me, what’s worse?  The White Dude Corn Row or the White Dude Dreadlock?

All can be seen, not now, but RIGHT NOW, in every city in America.  But it will be far worse with the high jeans, hell, it’s already terrible.

I mean, what is that?  This is a very attractive woman, but she just looks crazy in this pic.  The ripped up stomach doesn’t even lay right in those pants.  It’s just all wrong.

If stars look this bad to lackluster in these pants, how do you think Sally Sue American is gonna look?  It’s a debacle.  I just don’t get it. But I’d be lying if I said it was all bad.

Because Ri Ri’s tizzail is liking right right in those jeans.  Dammit.  By the time this style goes away, all the babes I know will literally be looking like this.

There’s no hope.

– Lake

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9 Responses to “Oh No, Not Rihanna in Mom Jeans!!!!”

  1. Be On It Says:

    Ha! ‘Member when I said certain cuts of clothing/pants makes a woman’s figure look better or worse? Take Ri Ri. Though her new found thickness is a result of teh C Breezy work out plan, she is still a fairly slim chick that isn’t really hippy. And unfortunately, the high waist jeans elevate her backview from a 4.5 to a 7.6 on the Richter (sp?) scale.

    The white boy dreadlock is the worst, and not only because it looks like the long lost carcass of Davy Jones is trapped to homie’s skull. White people with dreads don’t wash their hair, so other white people think that no one who has dread locks washes their hair. It just causes ignorance, which is intolerably. Dreaded up white people need to be shorn like it’s V for Vendetta.

  2. Lake Arlington Says:

    Definitely on that CB work out plan.. ha

  3. Shorty Says:

    Hysterical…I’ll be linking this to my site tommorrow…keep up the gr8 work!

  4. okolepuka Says:

    White dreads suck. It is a case of someone who is just trying too hard, which is unbecoming. And what Be On It said was true, most white folks with dreads do not wash, giving most people with dreads a bad name.

  5. Will Says:

    AUGGGGGH! My god that is disgusting! What asshole designer on 5th ave/Paris decided this bullshit? I mean, this does NOTHING to flatter a woman’s physique – and aI’m all for flattering a woman’s physique. Am I missing something here? UvT women, any help?

    A few finer points tho:
    * Lake, thanx for taking it back to 2000. They were rockin that style hardcore in Orlando as well (International Drive, ahhhhh the mem’ries!) and YES – the mannequins had mo ass than most women.

    * Kiera knightley’s midpiece is looking lovely! So is Milians’! Goodness!

  6. Be On It Says:

    Will, as a slim chick, those low rider jeans are a risk: They are cut to fit hips, not ass, so if you don’t have the right hardware, you better pay a lil more for your jeans so you requisite belt doesn’t bunch the waistline too much. Low riders that look like they have elastic waistbands…not sexy.

  7. AMAROSA FLORES Says:

    HMMmmmMMMMmmmmm I like the low rider look … however when that look was all over the place ….. the muffin top chicks thought they could ROCK out the lowrider jeans… Uhhhhh excuse me but thats not gonna work.. We’ve already established that I have a gorgeous face but I’m so negative on the arse…. so I wouldnt dare try the lowrider.. lol HAHAHA yeah the mannequin with the fat booty… Every time I go back to South America or even florida I cant help but to take all kinds of pictures of even the mannequins to show all my guy friends about all the ass down there lol

  8. AMAROSA FLORES Says:

    WOAH BTW that Chrisina Millian white lowriders ridiculously HOTTT but peep that nice phat camel toe… hmmmmm yeah I noticed lol

  9. Will Says:

    SonuvaBITCH!! – ur right! (seeing Milian in a different light now)

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