Am I the only one who noticed Rihanna can’t dance?

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Damn, I’m not here to blow up her spot, because I enjoyed this Umbella song and video so much that I put the joint in the lab and made a discovery… babe can’t dance. Look for yourself.

Wow. Now when was the last time you met anyone — man, woman or child with Caribbean roots who simply could not dance? That’s already a rarity, but you’re also an R&B singer? Odd. I wonder how they came up with the concept for this video in that production meeting. Had to go something like this:

  • Hollywood skinny, slimmed out rail body with the occasional arse enhancement lean on ’em move to get the fellas believing that they’re actually seeing something they wanna see, check
  • Matrix water scene, check
  • Rhihanna dipped in Chrome, check
  • Ri Ri cake walkin’ and high steppin’ on personal dubbs/ballet shoes, check
  • Torrible and juiceless umbrella dance scene, check
  • Random close-ups highlighting that Cam’ron inspired sturdy chin and that ever changing asymetrical wig piece atop her head, chiiizek
  • REAL dance scene, with professional dancers with Ri highlighted at the center, *crickets*
  • Actual and verified singing ability, *crickets, lightening bugs and things that go bump in the night*

Disappointing because the song is actually hot… I’ll tell ya this, Ri Ri best stack some chips under her Um-brrrrrellaaaah, eeeeelllah, eh eh eh, because she won’t have a career for long if she can’t live up to the triple threat standards of performance set by Beyonce, Ciara et. al.

Granted, nobody really knows if Ciara can sing, but she can move… You can fake sangin’, you can’t fake showmanship and performances.. Ri, stick tight to Neyo, Kanye, Jay Z n them — that way maybe you’ll make it past album tree.

39 Responses to “Am I the only one who noticed Rihanna can’t dance?”

  1. T-dogg Says:

    I have been saying that since the first video, bro! So far, they’ve been doing a good job keeping the sequences we see her dance short, but you’re right. She won’t be around long if she doesn’t learn.

  2. Dylan Says:

    What BS. She is one of the few performers in her style of music who CAN dance. People seem to think you can’t dance if you’re not shaking your behind 90 mph. Her movements are harmonious and expressive, and fit perfectly with the music.

  3. joules Says:

    i love the video and the song but i think she is not really dancing the ballet part
    they only show 1/2 her body at teh same time and when they show a full body the umbrella seems to have like cords attached to it.. maybe its just me
    i still love her i just think its funny

  4. Megan Says:

    Ha Ha, I specifically googled “Rihanna can’t dance” after I finished watching her video clip to see if anyone else agreed! Low and Behold – I came across this forum!
    What a mock up job trying to hide it. The ballet dancer wasn’t her. The only scene when you see her (face) with ballet shoes on she is holding onto something above her.
    The take where she is dancing with umbrella is silly. Even simple moves from one to the next are done uneasy by her.

    I’ll be watching her future clips to see if improvements – you’re all correct though – if she doesn’t learn she’ll be out 🙂

  5. kads Says:

    no girl u not alone,rihanna cannot do anything

  6. Vee Says:

    Rihanna can dance, sing but we have’nt seen her act as yet. Beyonce can sing, dance and her acting is mediocre. Ciara poor thing, she can dance and that’s it. She can’t sing herself out of a brown paper bag. Let’s hope her acting is good. Rihanna has Carribean flavor that none of these american females can touch no matter how hard they try. I think all 3 women are beautiful and talented. God Bless them

  7. Us Versus Them Public Service Announcement: No More Man-on-Man R&B Duets « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] but I don’t care, same category). Again, I like the song, well, the original version (though I still say Rihanna can’t dance), and I enjoy Chris Brown generally, but I don’t need to hear you singing in the same key as […]

  8. Us Versus Them Public Service Announcement: No More Man on Man R&B Duets « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] but I don’t care, same category). Again, I like the song, well, the original version (though I still say Rihanna can’t dance), and I enjoy Chris Brown generally, but I don’t need to hear you singing in the same key as […]

  9. Inertia Says:

    If you wish to classify me as a ‘hater’, be my guest, given the opportunity, I would bankrupt every Hip Hop/R’n’B label going.

    I don’t think I have ever seen such a terrible pass for dancing as I have in this video; I have seen corpses in states of rigamortis with better moves than what Rihanna gives in this video. She’s is overdue for having her hinges oiled me thinks…

    Rihanna is a crap artist, singing a crap song, with crap lyrics, in a crap video, with crap choreography bought by people with crap taste. It wouldn’t be so bad if we actually had some eye candy, but Rihanna is just such a featureless twig with a blank face and this video just proves the theory that you cannot polish a turd, not even with all the editing and blurring in the world.

    She pretty much typifies modern culture in my opinion, but also highlights an element of genius that these R’n’B labels have highly capitalised on.

    Making a mint out of nothing.

  10. The Thriller of Oz « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] middle were dancing hard as hell.  But the best part are all the people on the outside.  They have little or no dancing ability but have the routine down.  It gets funnier every […]

  11. Joannie Says:

    I Love the Real Message from Umbrella and the Song Umbrella, BUT, sorry to say, she CANNOT dance. I just watched several MORE of her Videos… She CANNOT dance. She is of mixed races, so maybe she got a little bit of the Corny White Rhythmless Genes (not all of us are rhythmless, but most). So goes life…

    But, PEOPLE, please don’t ever forget Whitney Houston. The Girl has PIPES and could sing like no other, but did not have an OUNCE of Rhythm. Rihanna dances JUST LIKE WHITNEY…

    Alas, I really LOVE Rihanna… I like the way she sounds, she’s a cutie, she’s tall… She got a Cover Girl Contract… Google the Real Songwriter’s Message of Umbrella… Very Touching !

  12. Saket Says:

    Folks you aught to see her ‘dance’ in ‘shut up and drive’… that was the first video I saw, and I too googled ‘Rihanna can’t dance’.
    In the video, Rihanna just does a little jumping around in the video and is actually in the background trying to dance in one scene – the camera is focussed on another person in that shot!
    Well if she comes out with great numbers, at least she will play on the radio and hit the charts – her live performances may not be much to go to… hopefully she’s just camera shy, though.

  13. Ladies roundup: Good girls, bad girls « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] and let me just say that I’ve always thought Rihanna was with white dudes. Just look and I’ve said this before, SHE CAN’T DANCE. That certainly is some white folks stuff. Whatev, do what you want to do is all I can say. If you […]

  14. What’s with the high pants? « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] But they don’t come off nearly as nice on others. Ole Ms. Can’t dance Rihanna goes to it all the time and I’m just not […]

  15. Violet Says:

    Watch her pon de replay videa… she’s like such an insult to her roots… she cant even dance to the kind of music that comes out of the caribean… looks lame…

  16. JJ Says:

    I googled the same phrase after watching ‘shut up and drive’…she basically does a lot of stripper poses. Kind of sad, but everyone can’t be a triple threat (please, please girl don’t try to act). Be smart and make the money last.

  17. anthony Says:

    this gilr can dance… just because she is not shaking her butt and goin all on the floor, doesnt mean she cant dance ive been at some of her concerts and sht really knows how to go to youtube and check them out!!!

  18. vanessa Says:

    Lets be real! Rihanna cannot really dance! look at the videos look at the performances! I love her to death but hey its the truth she really doesnt dance much and yes she dont put effort into her dance routines! rihanna needs to start dancing before she gets lost an fans get bored

  19. natalia Says:

    haha me and my roomate in college were watching her umbrella video and she mentioned how she couldnt dance and thats when i actually started watching the video and realized she was right! she is about as good at me when it comes to struting her moves. Also I did not like the music video for umbrella, for such a meaningful song, they deffinently could have put alot more together than her “trying” to dance with an umbrella! come on ppl where is your sense of creativity!!!!!

  20. Assology 102: Rihanna Case Study « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] need to add to your analysis is whether there is a link between the her missing ass syndrome and her chronic inability to dance!  I mean, I aint never seen a chick with ass who can’t dance and I aint eva seen a babe from […]

  21. Webay Says:

    How about the video Don’t stop the music? What a great song to dance to and all she does is clap her hands. I don’t get it….. Can you imagine how “sick” she would be if she could move??? O my god…..

  22. Lake Arlington Says:

    Weebay, I agree with that.. Hey, how do you feel about Namond going legit with Bunny Colvin?

  23. kad Says:

    jordin sparks is the the best young singer out there now. rihanna can’t sing nor dance. and jordin sparks is prettier than rihanna and jordin and chris make a nice couple

  24. Opinion Distributor Says:

    LOL!! She is HORRENDOUS vocally & HORRIBLE in the dancing department. She’s on her 14th minute…. tick tock

  25. tina Says:

    rihanna can sing fuck all u haters beyonce cant act or sing

  26. tina Says:

    all yall our haters take a bow is number 1 on the charts she dont have to dance she got talent

  27. tina Says:

    rihanna has a new movie comin out called mama black widow i bet she can act better than beyonces nasty ass

  28. missy Says:

    yall bitches are tru haters yall cant dance

  29. hana Says:

    jordin is not r&b she cant sing that well beyonce is played out whore who married a ugly man for money

  30. Sara Says:

    rihanna is beautiful , she can sing and she CAN dance !
    shes a much better dancer then beyonce who just shakes her butt 24/7
    at least rihannas songs dont bore me and she can sing WAY better then ciara

  31. Fille Says:

    So I just googled Rihanna cant sing, after watching the BET Awards and hearing Take a Bow. I am so not hating but this industry is so annoying…how do talentless people get to be on my tv trying to fool me and get my money. People if you are entertaining me, please make sure you are an entertainer. DAmn man, dis is what talent sounds like…

    Check my myspace page in the link.

    Poor Rihanna. She is dating Chris Brown to rahtid…cant HE teach her? she needs to make an effort cause she cant dance and she sure as hell cant sing either. Stupid pop culture.

  32. eee Says:

    I’ve notice that too. I wonder why? it seems that she has the groove, but she is not performing a long fast dencing. I guess that she maybe doesnt wont to invest in learning the ciography for each cande. except of that, she is amasing. see the number of figures she change in one video klip, and look at her amasing body.

  33. ALEXANDRA Says:

    tina hoe shut up ,IF U THINK BEYONCE CANT SING, UR HATER, BEYONCE WILL BLOW RIHANNA TALENTLESS ASS OUT THE WATER, BEYONCE HAS A 4 OCTAVE VOCAL RANGE, HATER U NEEDA LISTEN TO BEYONCE SONGS AND SEE HOW HIGH SHE CAN GO, RIHANNA SINGS OUT HER NOSE AND SHE DONT EVEN HAVE A RANGE LOL, U CALL PON DE REPLAY OR UMBRELLA SINGING, GIRL GET YOUR HATIN ASS OUTTA HERE.

  34. OJ Says:

    okay,okay,okay…lemme get this thing CORRECTED…people are sayin rihanna CANNOT DANCE-when HER fans hear that,they go crazy and then say”beyonce sucks,she can’t dance,she always shakes her ass that’s all,she can’t even act”THEN when the beyonce fans hear that they pick on rihanna sayin “rihanna’s talentless,she can’t dance,she doesn’t have any booty,she’s ugly,fat,and probably won’t be able to act”i am fans of both of them…i truly LOVE both of them to death,they’re both in my list for my favourite female singers…haven’t you guys ever thought that rihanna doesn’t feel like dancing??or she hasn’t got the right correographer(cause believe it or not,ciara has a correographer,she doesn’t do it alone)??or there’s something holding her back that’s been holding her back ever since??in an interview she stated she loves to go clubbin,and that she sneaks in(that’s when she was 17 or somethin)so obviously she can dance…maybe she doesn’t want to dance because she doesn’t want to become one of “those girls” that are only known for their dancing…just the other day i judged rihanna i’m like”i won’t give rihanna full respect until she starts dancing hard core like ciara,janet jackson,aaliyah etc…but then i put myself in her position or i made questions and options to choose from about her reason for not dancing “in that way that we prefer”…well i feel kind of bad now for saying that,’cause dancing is only to make the music video,chris brown is gifted ENOUGH to dance like that and so is BEYONCE but maybe rihanna can dance and she’s to self-consious to do so cause she thinks people will make fun of her or she thinks that dancing these days have to be perfect and hardcore…but it just came to mind that nobody’s buggin alicia keys…she’s been singin and stuff since 200? and what?, don’t get me wrong I LOVE HER TOO BIGTIME but i’ve never seen her bust out a move and she’s still doin it big…and i’d rather want someone who CAN sing and CAN’T dance to be in the music biz rather than someone who CAN’T sing and CAN dance-because,someone who CAN’T dance and who CAN sing can always LEARN to DANCE…n whoever said rihanna’s probably not going to get far-you just got slapped 5million times in the face by her,’cause she’s already brought out “take a bow”,”if i never see your face again(marron 5 feat.rihanna)”and finally the lovely “disturbia”…so take it in-yes observe it and absorb it she did make it far and STILL is so there:P…anyways,i just think people should get off celebs balls ’cause they people too and they want the respect that we would want from them and just mind your own business ’cause we should be hailing them ’cause they’re making the music that motivates us everyday,that makes us happy when we’re down,that makes us cry,that makes time fly,that we love to sing to,that we love to dance to,and last but not least:that brings us TOGETHER!!!so stop disrespectin’ and hatin’ and start RESPECTIN’ AND LOVIN’!!:P
    -oj

  35. m Says:

    I love Rihanna and her songs. She does have a beautiful voice and she is a beautiful woman, but it’s true that she cannot dance.

    And Rihanna’s talents have nothing to do with Beyonce so I don’t know why people keep bringing her up.

    Her lack of dancing skills is not about “shaking ass” or being “one of those girls.” Doing stripper poses in her videos to me is just as bad as “shaking ass,” so I know it’s probably not about that.

    Trying not to be “one of those girls” is not the problem either. It’s not that anyone expects her to become a hip-hop dancer at all. It’s about the dances that SHE chooses to do…they lack rhythm. And it’s obvious.

    Hell I wouldn’t care if she got up there and started to do the waltz, as long as she did it in rhythm and it looked good.

    As for Alica Keys, her songs as far as I know are generally alot slower and don’t really call for dancing, where as “Please Don’t Stop the Music,” generally implies dancing involved.

    However I think Rihanna slightly improved in “Disturbia,” but we’ll have to see her live performances.

  36. Oh No, Not Rihanna in Mom Jeans!!!! « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] my game up.  That high hip may be in fashion, but damn fashion, I gotta live in this world!  Take Rihanna’s non dancing ass for instance.  Sure, she’s been looking damn good lately, but she’s setting up some […]

  37. MiriAM and ABril Says:

    we are sooooooooooo glad that we are not the only ones that noticed that Rihanna CANT DANCE AT ALL!!!!!
    we love her!! and she moves according to the music… but we want to see a little bit more movement….
    specially if her songs are “please dont stop the music” or
    “break it off”
    whats going to be her next single??
    LETS DANCE!!!!

    she NEEDS to learn!!!
    …she could ask her boyfriend to teach her….. : )
    its just an idea…

  38. rhianna Says:

    hi rihanna here thanks for the tips ill remember to tell my coreographer (lady trotter) that she cant dance and no im not a hip hop dancer but i givve it my best all the time so thanks ill try harder

    BIAATCH

  39. Lake Arlington Says:

    Funny that Rihanna spelled her own name wrong. Lol.

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