Valentine’s Day Is Player’s New Year!



Loyal Ladies of Us Versus Them, I need you to step away for a moment. Your man Brock needs to talk to the fellas. You know I still love you though, right?

…They gone? Did you check over by the Making the Band 4 Posts? They love those…

We cool?

Allright fellas, bring it on in. It’s V-Day 2-14-08 and it is 9am. I know how you feel. The cell phone is off or “accidentally” left in the car. Your card and dinner reservations game is not tight right now. We are at t-minus 8 hours and counting until the moment of truth. The moment when you have to choose and your choice is broadcast to your entire player network.

You’ve got to choose which lady is coming out on Valentines Day.


This is like having the #1 draft pick. David Stern has your ass on the clock right now. Do you go with the investment pick where the long term output is good? Where they will be an important part of you team going forward? You know, wifey?


Or do you go with that hot young prospect, good to put up some fast points, but could run out of gas by the all-star break. You know the flash in the pan…


You know they will give you a good hard run tonight though, know what I’m sayin’?

Either way, here is to stone cold truth. Whoever you are with tonight long about 8:45pm, that is your main lady. Make no mistake. Anyone else on the roster knows that they are second place at best. No matter what game you lay down tomorrow morning.

That’s why we here at UvT call it Player’s New Year! It’s a celebration! Look, this is the end of your fiscal year, spring cleaning, year end close, the blowout sale, everything must go! You will have one lady and one lady only on February 15th, why not revel in it? Plus, tomorrow is a Friday, just in time to hit the recruiting trail again.

Of course there is one last option. If your game is tight…and don’t trick yourself…it is NOT this tight. But if you think you can pull it off…and only a few ever have. We’re talking some Saudi Sheik, Sixteenth Century King, Mitt Romney Big Love style pimperishness here. You could be like the man, the icon himself, Hugh Hefner.


Look he put on his red shirt for the occasion and everything. The crazy thing is the other two know which one he claims as his main chick!

Pimp Hard, Pimp Harder!



Yo, I’m definitely feeling this post, but the truth of the matter is if you’re just putting Operation V Day Smoke and Mirrors into production right now, then you’ve already lost. How about this? Just read my keys for V Day/Pimp success and start planning for next year now. Let’s just assume you’re juggling 3 chicks of relatively equal value but with different strong suits. I’ll just say you’ve got:

A. Wife Potential Chick

B. Cater To You Chick

C. I Wish She Had Some Common Sense and Three Less Tatoos, but dammit, Look at that Ass Chick.

1. Identify your top rated chick (Early January) Yes, take all of what Brock said into account. Run the flow chart, crunch the numbers, reflect deeply on what she’s bringing to the table both for that particular night AND in the long run, with in my opinion, an edge given to what she’s going to bring for that particular night (yes, Lake is an asshole).

2. Reverse it, (taken from the classic Boomerang, “don’t be pussy whipped, whip that pussy” speech). Unless you’re Robert from Making the Band 4, normally, you’d hate drama. But now you’ve got to tap into her natural inclination to start drama (this is true for about 85% of the chicks out there). Around January 22nd, stage a conflict about how she’s treating you and what you need to “take this relationship to the next level.”

Don’t lay it on too thick, but make sure she knows you’re somewhat serious (wink wink) and perhaps ice her down for two to three days until you bring it all back with some solid make-up sex (knock it out). Then wait until February 6th (exactly one week and one day before V Day) to start another fight on the exact same topic. Of course, your position is that she didn’t live up to “her end of the bargain” and clearly, she “doesn’t care for you.” LOL.


A smart chick will say that “You’re just doing this because V Day is coming.” Ah, but not so fast, after all, “we’ve talked about this before” and she’s “just avoiding the core issues, which is the problem in the first place.” So good.

Then thoroughly apply ice to her person up to and through V Day, with occasional phone calls lasting no more than 8 minutes in length, but do not see her. Completely ice her for V Day. Resist your inclination to call her at 11 PM after you’re done with No. 1, it’s too obvious. If anything, she won’t call you and then you can send her a text saying, “thanks for caring enough to holler at me on V Day.”

Turn the phone off and then blame the V Day fiasco on her, culminating in more make-up sex one week later. One down, one to go.

3. The Pre-V Day Trick. Tell Chick Number 2 that you’ll be busy at work or out of town for V day, but that you’d love to celebrate the occasion with a “Special Day” the Saturday before Valentine’s Day. Execute your full V Day love plan with whatever it is you do.


Call her from your crib errr Colorado/Your office that night to tell her how much fun you had on Saturday and how you can’t wait to kick it again soon. Simple, effective. Two girls down.

4. Don’t slip up. Ok, it’s Feb. 14th, so you take your number 1 babe out of town or far away to a random spot because you “want to try something different”.. Of course you just don’t want to get caught out there by one of the many hater spies that could dime you out. Now granted, most of her hater friends will be at home, eating a tub of chocolate ice cream cursing you, all men and the world, but you just never know so play it cool and safe. If you can cook, cook over at HER HOUSE. You don’t want a crazy broad to roll up on you at the crib for that full-on Valentine’s Day Massacre (but then again, if you don’t give a F, sometimes those are fun, too). TURN YOUR CELL PHONE OFF AND LEAVE IT IN THE CAR!

That my friends, is how a playa runs the V day pick and roll. That’s how you do this here Valentines Day Juggling act. Now Lake, he aint gone do anything for V Day.. Nothing at all. Can’t give ’em the satisfaction.

– Lake

Tags: , , , ,

9 Responses to “Valentine’s Day Is Player’s New Year!”

  1. KIR in NV Says:

    Dearest Brock and Lake:

    Loyal Lady of Us Versus Them reader here. I failed to follow instructions and navigate away from this post. However, I merely inserted “dude” for “chick”, “him” for “her”, etc. and called it good.

    My game plan involves backing up the timeline to early December as I like to establish position before the holidays to avoid the financial commitment / unfulfilled expectations that the holiday gift-giving season can bring. I will accept gifts, when necessary, but I can’t get a brotha’s hopes up with any reciprocation on my part, if you know what I mean. A girl’s gotta think about her future and stackin that paper. (Shout out to Shaunie O’Neal…holla girl!).

    That said fellas, if you follow Brock’s and Lake’s instructions to the letter, you should be all good for today. Unfortunately, most of you will get tripped up somewhere along the way and we’ll be reading about you on the internets tomorrow. Good luck.

    Lemme get this phone call….

  2. dood Says:

    BWAHAHAHAH!! This is gold… When’s that UvT Playa Manual coming out mang? This is good stuff, will keep that in check for 09, I slipped up this year, but you have showed me the light….

  3. Be On It Says:

    I cosign w/ KIR in NV. Women should always keep the upper hand.

    Now, men may think women are too stupid/emotional/desperate to know where they rank. On the contrary, we know, we just choose to live in our own alternate universe where we can improve our standing or get the other ladies out of the picture. That’s why women should always have a gentleman in waiting, for the moments when we wake up and smell the coffee.

    P.S. THis can’t be just anybody. He must be fine, can lay some serious pipe (if you get my drift), and have some particular quality that taps into your man’s insecurity (and yes ladies, your man has them, even if he tries not to show it).

  4. KIR in NV Says:

    Your man’s insecurity(ies):
    => the “pipe” (if you know what I mean) OR the paper; aka
    => the booty OR the loot(y); aka
    => the snake OR the cake
    Trust me on this ladies…it’s there but don’t play this card unless you have to. No sense in subbing your starter if you manage your team right. See y’all up in da club tonight. Much love to Brock and Lake for starting the dialog. Peace.

  5. Lake Arlington Says:

    Ladies, ladies, ladies!!!! (Kir in NV, Be on It) LOL, very nice work here. If I didn’t know better, I’d say we’re related. I like this discussion of “the pipe” which is clearly essential to keep a solid babe in the saddle. But even more impressive was how yall appropriately called out the necessity for that paper.

    And let’s be clear, you can have cake and no ape err snake and still be living lovely with nearly any broad of your choice. In the world of men v. women, us v. them, as a dude you just gotta know, no romance without finance. It’s all about the dough, at least with a high level babe. My question is why do these women like garbage dudes get over with all flow, no dough?

    Love having you guys, drop some more comments…sheyut, we need yall to hook up a guest post.

  6. Rosy Says:

    Sorry Brock..I too broke the rules and kept reading. I’m glad I don’t believe in VD so I don’t get caught in the game. I ain’t trying out.

    Lake it’s all about the dough with a high level babe cuz she’s still smoking the pied piper’s pipe on the side. Everybody needs a bench warmer.

    Thanks Be On It and Kir in NV for reminding me that I should start a league of my own. I never felt I could properly flourish in their league.

  7. David Patterson will be the Governor of New York « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] a way to usher in that holiday. Fuck candy and flowers, E was having it his way. Now when I wrote my scheme for getting over on Valentines Day, nowhere did I say to wire a G’s worth of loot cakes for a hizzie, and 4 more on travel […]

  8. soltos Says:

    who is that ladies name in the water and wher the heck did you get the picture.

  9. Brock Hardon Says:

    Her name is Nicole Ricca. Google her…she’s bad too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: