Author Archive

Beyonce Makes One Thick Cop

September 17, 2008

Damn. Those government issue pants don’t leave anything to the imagination.

In other news, Jay-Z has reportedly just been inspired to remake N.W.A.’s classic “Fuck tha Police”.

-Brock

Is Janet Jackson Still Bad?

September 17, 2008

Here are some pics from her new concert:

She’s still got the dance moves…

Her side profile game is tight.  Got a nice little tuck in there.  Those calves are thick on em too.  Although I’m starting to think that waist plate is as much functional as it is decorative.

Awwwwwwwww.  What’s up with the knee brace game?  That ain’t sexy!  It’s over Janet, I can’t believe it’s really over.  What about the good times we had?  The Rolling Stone cover.  Your freaky “velvet rope” period.  It was so good.  I’m just going to pretend you still look like this…and that this picture wasn’t photoshopped.

Yeah, that’s how I like it baby.  By the way, I don’t care if she’s lost a step…Jermaine Dupri still ain’t hitting it right.

-Brock

Cowboys Vs. Eagles

September 16, 2008

That is one of the best football games I’ve seen in a long time.

I really didn’t care who won.  It was high scoring, but not because of bad defense, these guys were just out there making plays.  TO even proved why he worked on that double move for so long.

“I’m just working on my shit.”  It worked last night too.

-Brock

Donnie From Way Downtown…KLANG!

September 16, 2008

Diddy makes hit records.  He drove Danity Kane to #1, he drove Day 26 to #1 and this season it was Donnie’s turn.

The people’s champ has been in the studio working hard, he laid down the tracks, he worked on his dance moves, and he was ready for his big debut.  Surely the ladies of MTV would hold him down, right?

AHNT.  Donnie went on ahead and had that #19 album of the week with total sales of 22,000 copies in the first week.  Damn Donnie, more people clicked on their bookmark for US Versus Them today than your album sold in an entire week.

Seven.  You were the producer on this album.  You were supposed to be the Timberland to his Timberlake.  What did you think about the sales?

Seven: “Fabaless.  I mean that is 21,999 albums more than I sold of my solo album.  Yesss.  I’m getting a new smoke machine.”

Well Donnie.  I don’t know what to tell you.  I know it has got to be real tense on that tour bus right now.  You might have to go to an alternate profession.

Sure, you only get paid a dollar at a time, but you might make out better in the long run.  Oh and another piece of advice?  If you ever get called into a meeting with Da Band, Black Rob and Cheri Dennis…run.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Ohio State Buckeyes

September 15, 2008

You knew it was coming…I knew it was coming…but even I didn’t think it was going down like that.

I thought the 18 point spread was a little aggressive, but apparently it wasn’t aggressive enough because Ohio state got whooped.  Look, I know Ohio State has been embarrassed in the last two national championship games, but they took it too far this time.  They not only embarrassed themselves, they embarrassed the Big 10, they even embarrassed me while I was watching it.

Ohio State fan, what exactly were you waiting for again?  Beanie Wells was not waiting for a miracle, he just wasn’t playing.  Jim Tressel did not have a master plan for tripping up USC.  Oh, and the Ohio State Buckeyes are not that good.  That Ohio game was not a fluke, it was an indication of how good this team actually is.  You know the worst part?  Ohio State didn’t play that badly.  They executed on defense, they were running decent plays on offense, they just simply were not better that USC.

Hey Jim.  What ya handing out Buckeyes for this week?

“Todd Boeckman, you took a hit from the blindside and managed not to suffer whiplash.  You get a buckeye.”

“Terrelle Pryor.  When you were running away from the USC defense, you still looked like you were playing the game as opposed to scrambling for your life.  You get a buckeye.”

“Beanie Wells.  But not playing you are the only player who made a positive contribution to the team this week.  Buckeye.

OSU did do one thing right.  They scheduled the always tough Troy University, of Troy state, in the town of Troy…wait, where the hell is Troy?  Way to keep the tough teams on the schedule there.  That is how you always bullshit your way into the national title game.

You want to know what is crazy?  OSU will probably be ranked long about 10 this week.  If they win the Big 10, and win out the rest of their games.  They will be right back in the National title debate.  If top teams lose the way they did last year, they will be talking about their “quality loss” against USC.

We don’t need another debacle like that.

OSU, I need you to Man Up just go ahead and get another loss out of the way now.  Sometimes you can Man Up by stepping down.  Do what’s right.

-Brock

Oh and Will and Triple B…HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!  I love it.

Palin and the Bush Doctrine…Wait. What is the Bush Doctrine?

September 12, 2008

I guess Charlie Gibson agreed to treat Sarah Palin with deference and respect prior to the interview because Palin finally agreed to come off script and tell us what she really thinks as opposed to what the scriptwriters think.

Man.  Charlie knew he had her immediately too.  When she says “In what respect Charlie” she really means, “What the hell are you talking about Charlie?”.  You can literally see the moment when she hears that voice inside that all of us hear sometimes saying “fuuuuuuuuuck”.

I half expected her to say “Charlie…I personally believe that US Americans believe that…such as…in the Iraq and the President Bush and the, Bush Doctrine and everything such as”.  In fact she might want to get in touch with Miss Teen South Carolina for some tips on how to work the interview answers off the cuff.

Oh man.  That never gets old.

Seriously though.  This is literally why politicians work the national stage for a little while.  That is why the 18 months on the campaign trail matter.  It’s okay if some reporter in Nebraska asks you about your views on the Bush Doctrine with a little tape recorder in his hand in March of 2007 when no one is paying attention.  You can say, “What is the Bush Doctrine?” and it is all good.  You can’t do it when you are 55 days away from the general election and locked in to be a 50/50 chance and a heartbeat away from the most powerful job in the world.

Like Matt Damon said, “she’s gonna have the nuclear codes”.

-Brock

Ohio State vs. USC Update

September 12, 2008

We finally got the OSU boys to Man Up and lay their pre-game predictions down before the game. Way to step up fellas.  This just in.  Beanie Wells was out of the game earlier…now he is listed a “questionable”.  I know, I know, Jim Tressel is just sandbagging.  Beanie Wells is actually going to dress up in a marching band uniform.  Do the pre-game songs.  High-step on out to dot the ‘i’.

Then he’ll rip off the uniform to reveal the number 28 jersey, stiff arm a cat

and lead the Buckeyes to victory.

Even the “don’t tase me bro” guy thinks you need a better plan than that.

Look, I know that is what you dream of when you go to sleep at night, but it ain’t happening.  This ain’t RudySamwise Gamgee is not on that sideline.  It’s okay, really it is.  You’ll still win the Big 10 and get to get your ass kicked by USC again in January.

See ya on Monday.

-Brock

The REAL Ending to Super Mario Brothers

September 12, 2008

This is funny.  From Seth McFarlane, creator of Family Guy:

I wonder if that is how it went down at the end of Legend of Zelda too?

Link is a lefty though, so Princess Zelda was probably down with him.  (If you don’t get that joke, check the comments on this post)

-Brock

Once You Go Barack…

September 12, 2008

You never go back.

Don’t know when this was, but that is hilarious.  Bill was slacking on his pimping for real.

The J Game is a Cruel, Cruel Game

September 11, 2008

Lindsay Lohan was lovely and Lake was loving it just two days ago.  Then we got hit with her skinny girlfriend Sam.  Now there are marriage rumors, and we get this pic off the wire.

Look, I’m usually a fan of side boob, under boob, hell almost any kind of boob, but Lindsay needs to start strapping up if she wants to preserve what the goot lawd hath-a blessed her with.  Maybe it is a bad angle, but that J is fighting against gravity with all it’s got right there.  We’ll keep a close watch on continuing developments.

In other J news.

Dammit Jessica.  You know better than that.  Microphone just a nestled all up in there.  Now I know why Tony Romo is always smiling.

This J game is dirty, so dirty.

-Brock