Posts Tagged ‘Verne Troyer’

Not the Sex Tape I Was Hoping For

June 26, 2008

I’ve been out of pocket and completely off key as I’ve been preparing to leave Boston. Yep, I know, I know, I’m getting tired of all those Championships. Don’t get too cute with it, I’m really only partial to the Red Sox at this point. Anyway, I’ve been knee deep in movers, cleaners, rental agreements, management contracts and of course, going away partying so I’ve been a bit MIA on the UvT front. It’s all good though, Brock has been holding it down. And yes, I can work a middle tier sammich, some creamed spinach, a coke and a fine German automobile all at once, even with a hungry bulldog riding shotgun 8 inches away. Come on now. I’m 1/4 German on my sister’s side.

I can drive the whip with my mind at this point, so you know when I roll out with my knee at the controls it’s all good. But anyway, I just haven’t really been in a position to write, in fact, I’m really bullshitting right now and shouldn’t even be doing this, but I just had to send a shout out in the negative to the Sex Tape gods. I mean, I asked for that good Jessica Biel Sex Tape, hell, even that R. Kelly, “I guess she wasn’t underage remix” Sex Tape. Or how about that Pre and Post “Gelly Butt” Lola Luv Sex Tape double play joint? But the gods didn’t give me that did they, no, they offer Lakey the Mini Me Sex Tape instead. Curses! Lol.

Holy shit! Haaaaaaaa. Come on man. I mean, first off, what is ole Verne Troyer trying to prove in this shot with that tongue extension? Head looking like an oil well pump. I’ll just leave it at that. And we all know that I’m the King of Reality TV, so you know I watched the Surreal Life with Verne aka Mini me. Dude couldn’t even walk on the show, so how in the hell is he going to knock down a full sized woman?

And let’s focus on that woman for a second.

I can see banging out a cat because he’s a gimmicky “movie star”. I mean, let’s face it, some of yall let dudes hit for far less. I knew a cat who faithfully tagged based on an employer issued unlimited subway pass. I don’t know, maybe she’s money hungry or maybe she’s a fame seeker. Who knows, maybe she’s just a freak. But you cannot let Mini Me break out his Mini He and lay the lumber to you on tape!!! You just can’t do it. I think I mean, that was one of those lost commandments within the original ten. “Thou Shalt Not Ever…Neva, eva, eva, evaaaaaaaah, have sexeth with a Minus Me and let thine freak nastiness see the light of day I so graciously provided unto you”.. Right? I mean, you can’t do it. I literally can’t be done. Terrible. And by terrible, I mean I’ll have the link for you as soon as I get it. More later.

Shouts to Kir, second nominee for UvT Woman of the Year.

– Lake