Posts Tagged ‘Tony Romo’

Love Letter to Jessica Simpson

April 4, 2008

Jess-Jess,

I know you just got out of the hospital with that “kidney infection“, and I just want to say I’m sorry baby. You told me. You told me you’d never been with a black man before. You told me that Tony Romo only goes deep on the football field. I should have paid attention. You are a lot shorter than you look on TV, I didn’t know I’d rearrange your internal organs.

jessica-simpson2.jpg

This is how I’ll always remember you sugarbear.

You came by the crib, I threw on the Jodeci, lit the finest candles, lit my old school incense, broke out the essential oils that I bought from the brother next to the train station…I think it was “Black Love”, and went to work. Hey, I don’t know what was going on with Nick Lachey but brothers don’t get into all that wild stuff. Look, I’ve kept the ladies in my life happy with three positions: Hit it. Hit it from the back. And hit it hard from the back. Haaaaa. My bad, I didn’t mean to laugh Jessie, I know you’re still in pain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s your fault baby, but I’d never done a reverse cowgirl Abraham Lincoln double blumpkin donkey punch wheelbarrow before.  But that’s what you like…so I was down.

jessica-simpson.jpg

Now I know, the knees stay below the hips. My bad.

The whole kidney infection was a great cover up. It will be our little secret.

Love,

– Brock

P.S. Tell T.O. to stop calling me. I know it’s unfurr. I know Romo is his teammate. That Romo is his quarterback. Just stop.

Terrell Owens: The Tears of a Clown

January 14, 2008

OH wow, now this is priceless.

Is this cat TO serious? I know he has visions of championship rings dancing in his head, and this video is from about 30 minutes after he found out his season was over, but the level of emotion this cat is showing is ridiculous.

Did he just say, “that’s unfur?” The guy who has turned on every quarterback and organization he’s ever played for just started crying because people are picking on Tony Romo going on vacation with Jessica Simpson? First of all, I’m never going to feel sorry for anyone who is being picked on for going on vacation with this:

jessica_simpson-bikini.jpg

Damn I wish T.O. didn’t have those sunglasses on. It would have made it that much more priceless. On an unrelated note, I also wish he didn’t have that red suede members only jacket on. Seriously, Hillary Clinton thinks T.O. needs to man up. She held it together better than he did, and she’s running for President.

I think this is the breaking point, it’s all starting to come together for me. The wild emotion the suicide attempt misunderstanding about a strange mixture of prescription drugs. The extra tight gear at all times. Whatever made him think it was okay to take this picture.

terrell_owens.jpg

I’ve got a few questions to ask you:

Do you use the word “fabulous” in everyday conversation?

To you find yourself tapping your feet in the locker next to you?

Do you find yourself having uncontrollable outbursts of emotion?

Do you find yourself half naked in pools with other men?

nash_leinart_owens_marion.jpg

Damn, that was just extra right there. Hold on…we’re tabulating the results…

T.O. Lake’s got a message for ya:

you-re-gay.jpg

-Brock