Posts Tagged ‘tofu’

I Hate Fake Vegetarians

June 25, 2008

Let’s just get this out of the way.  I love food.  I don’t eat anything nasty, I stay away from any thing too exotic or anything I can’t identify, but other than that, if you are a land or water animal and you are sold in the average American supermarket, you are in danger of ending up on Brock’s grill sizzling over some hot coals.

I know everyone is not down with that.  There are a few reasons to be vegetarian.

1. You don’t believe in killing animals.  Fair enough.  Everyone has got to have something they believe in.  Meat is murder, right.  Plus, Peta thing is great.  They somehow convince people to get butt naked for the cause.

We need more causes like that.

2. You don’t think meat is healthy.  I guess this sounds right.  If this was the case, all vegetarians would end up looking like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.  Hmmmmmm, that is not true.  I guess loading up on the bread, pasta and cheese as overcompensation for not eating an entire food group that it is our God given right to consume.

3. You just like vegetables better…I guess?  Fine, but that means you probably need to eat this stuff for protein.

Man, they don’t work to hard to make it look good huh?  Tofu is a tough road.

[Quick side thought…if I only like pussy, does that make me a “vagetarian”?  It is an exclusive diet, no meat on the menu in that department.  Discuss…we’ll revisit that later]

Okay, here’s my beef.  If you are going to be vegetarian keep it real.  Stay away from the veggie burgers, the tofu dogs, and especially this.

TOFU BOLOGNA?!?!  Come on.  You don’t eat meat, you can’t go to the lowest denominator.  People who eat meat don’t even eat bologna.  Seriously, have some principles people.  If you don’t eat meat, don’t eat meat.  Don’t eat some sort of pseudo meat to satisfy that primal urge that lives in all of us.  That’s just selling out, go hard dammit.

You know how Theo and Bill used to talk about making Bacon Burger Dogs out on the grill out back?  I don’t know what that is, but it sounds delicious.