Posts Tagged ‘Tim Donaghy’

From Handchecks to Phone Checks

July 31, 2008

There’s something new in the world of “you can go to jail for that?” news.  Ex-NBA ref Tim Donaghy was just sentenced to 15 months of prison time for giving inside tips on games. At best, that means he was tipping people off when Chauncy Billups needed some extra tape on his ankles, at worst he was calling too many charges and bumps in the lane.  For some reason, that means that Donaghy pled guilty to felony conspiracy charges.  Conspiracy for what?  Conspiring to make some loot on a game.  Altering the outcome of a game?  You go to jail for that?  Look, I get perjury.  You lie under oath and you gotta go.  But making him go to jail?  That ain’t right.  Pete Rose is the most notorious gambler ever and he just can’t get into the hall of fame, he never went to jail.

Anyway, here are a few tips for Tim while he’s in the ol’ hoosegow.

First, prey that no one in jail never sees this picture.

I don’t know what you were doing, but it is going to be interpreted differently on the inside.  Also, you might not want to do this either.

Unless you are huddled out in the yard shooting craps.  Otherwise, you should keep your head well above crotch level at all times.

Finally…

If a bald brother with a handlebar mustache creeps up behind you anytime in the next 15 months, you might want to watch your back.

Phone Check Fool.

-Brock

Bo Knows, But Hillary Don’t Know Sports

May 16, 2008

I’ve let this slide for a few weeks but I just can’t take it no mo. Hillary Clinton and her camp have been saying that she “wants to play until the game is over”, “that you don’t tell a football team to quit just because they are down in the fourth quarter”, or that “if you were supposed to quit before you play the whole game, the New York Giants wouldn’t have won the Superbowl”.

I know Hillary, you’ve just got your rope-a-dope going, right. You’re still just waiting for your spot to land the knockout punch.

Well, today I heard Hillary say she just needed to hit the three pointer at buzzer. Dammit Hillary, every time I hear you say something like that it just makes me realize you don’t know a damn thing about sports. A three pointer? You think you are just behind by a last minute long three at the buzzer? Hell naw shorty.

Hillary in sports we have a little something called “scoreboard”, it means no matter how much junk you talk Barack can take a look back at that scoreboard and know it doesn’t mean a damn thing. Needing a three at the buzzer would mean you need just a few Puerto Ricans to swing your way and you’d shock the world. That’s not what you need. You need this guy:

To give you a three pointer, a steal with a step back three, and get fouled to drain the free throws in 11 seconds like he did to the Knicks in ’95. Then you need Jason Williams to hit you with some of this:

Then you need John Elway to run the two minute drill for you

The you would need Tim Donaghy to referee and give him a little loot to make sure “things swing your way”

And even then I don’t think you could win. Oh, I forgot, you don’t know sports…that means it is a longshot. Of course, if you take a look at Hillary and know she hasn’t played a sport in her life.

Damn, that’s worse than I thought. So wonder she prefers pantsuits.

Oh…this just in. I shared the plan with Rasheed Wallace…Hey Rasheed, Hillary still thinks she’s got a shooters chance of winning.

I know I don’t get it either.

-Brock