Posts Tagged ‘Thick’

Assology 102: Rihanna Case Study

February 28, 2008

You know your boy Brock wouldn’t let you down. I promised I was going to the lab to develop my 2008 Assology curriculum and I’m back with Assology 102.

We need to take the lessons to the streets, apply what we’ve learned to the real world. The ladies can throw out some real curveballs on you so you’ve got to be prepared. Lake threw Rihanna in the mix last week with this picture.

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Well damn, that is hard to argue with right there. That waist to ass ratio is strong. Let’s go ahead and match that up with her album cover.

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I mean she leans all the way back into that boy to prop that thang up. All good, right? Not quite my friends, lets take a closer look.

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Awww naw, hail naw mang. What the hell is that? What happened? Here is the first principle of Assology: a single tuck does not make a great ass. I mean the set up coming out of the waist is phemonenal, but damn that finish is terrible. You gotta stick the landing, you gotta finish what you started, you gotta tuck that ass back in! I mean those legs are silky smooth like the negative arse chick.

For the math freaks out there, the proper ass to waist ratio can be found with the following formula A>1.64W, where A=ass, W=waist and A does not exceed 2.1W. Angel Lola Luv, I’m coming for you with my tape measure.

Can I get a glute, can I get a crease, can I get a hamstring? What does a properly tucked ass look like? Vida, can you come out here please?

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Don’t get me wrong, like our drunk cousin h8torade likes to say…when it comes to Rihanna, I’d hit it. Chris Breezay and his sthpesshial star tattoo ain’t got nothing on Brock. By time I got done she might have a double tuck. But that ass ain’t all right. Chris Rock doesn’t care though, he’d hit it too.

-Brock

====================Update====================

‘Bout time Brock got back to work!!!!  We don’t give you that much vacation.

Damn, that one pic with the lean back should be called “good ass gone missing”.. WTF?  Maybe she does rock the ass pads, because she’s looking Grrrrrrrrrrreat in that Forest Green number.   What you need to add to your analysis is whether there is a link between the her missing ass syndrome and her chronic inability to dance!  I mean, I aint never seen a chick with ass who can’t dance and I aint eva seen a babe from the Carribean that can’t dance.  Two strikes.  Chris Brown may in fact be hitting it right, but just because he’s rocking it like “the hit maker” doesn’t mean she’s brining that thunder, ether physically or metaphysically (I said it!)….

Lil Weezy off the market?

November 29, 2007

I read this mess on a gossip blog so you know it’s gotta be true (or completely fabricated, oh well). But according to Bossip, Lil Wayne has purchased an engagement ring for Lauren London.

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(Crickets) Yeah, right, I don’t know who the hell that is either. She’s the babe who played Turtle’s girlfriend for like 1.6 episodes on The Entourage.

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Riiight, thaat chick. Anyway, I’m not so sure I believe this. First, we aint never seen Bird Man Jr. with this chick, I mean, not never. Second, she’s cute and attractive and all, but, Lil Weezy is from New Orleans. That means, he’s used to chicks with that thunder. I mean, homey keeps a thick chick in his video, he was smashing Trina (after Baby was though..yuck) and I don’t know, I just feel like Weezy and I have the same taste in women. So of course that brings us to the ultimate question:

Is Lauren London a UvT Quality babe? Because lord knows Lil Weazy shouldn’t be messing with ole girl if she isn’t.

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Now, you knee jerk cats will immediately say, YES!!! I mean look at her. The babe is in fact tight. Pretty face, purty hair and it’s something about that wide “Bad Newz Kennels” inspired pitbull in a skirt stance she rocks with the extra wide hip that just be talking to a nilla…

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Let’s stop for a second, she looks DOPE in this shot. We need to file this joint under when hood goes good..WOW.

But the rest of her… I’m just not sure. Like this picture for instance.

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Oh, no no no.. see something here just aint right. It’s like when you bite into the Sweet Potato Pie and suddenly realize, oh no.. it’s Pumpkin!!! You try to make it taste right, feel right.. but it just aint the same. And no, it’s not just one bad angle.

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(Better, but still no)

Hmm, just reminds me of that famous line by Jigga Man aka Jay Z in battle anthem The Takeover against Nas.. “One was naaah the other was illmatic, that one hot album every ten years average”. Her tail is just uhh, nahh, eeeeh for me. I have a hard time rejecting her from the UvT quality crew, but right now, it’s just a no. Sorry, it’s just not good enough at this point. For real, it’s like the Hall of Fame, if you have to make an argument for a chick, she aint good enough. Like for instance, I’m going to show you two pictures. First think Lauren London, then:

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Bang, now you understand what we’re talking about here. Jessica Biel leaves no question. Oh, that backside pic is too easy you say? Keep it rollin intern.

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Boom..Meagan Good.. I mean, if all you ever saw of this babe was this picture, she’d still be on your top 5 baddest babes ever list.

Maybe next time Lauren. Damn, I feel bad, but only because we’re talking about Lil Wayne and his potential wifey. Tell you what, I’ll go ahead and throw out the challenge flag on myself and let Brock review it up in the booth, see if the call on the field stands or not.

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More later….

-Lake

—————UPDATE——————–

Lake, my nilla.  You have really put up a tough one here.  At first I thought we had missed one, but the third eye of UvT never lies.  I know I didn’t let one slip past me.  In order to overturn the call on the field, I’m going to need indisputable evidence otherwise.  I ran back the footage a few times and there’s not much there.  (evidence or tail)

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I don’t have the perfect angle, but the call on the field stands.  She’s out.  I tell you what isn’t up for debate.  The fact that Cassie has some big ass hands.    You see those things?

-Brock