Posts Tagged ‘Survivor’

Survivor Fans vs. Favorites Finale: Parvati Wins!

May 12, 2008

Well, it aint like Lakey F. Baby didn’t tell yall that Parv was going to win the million dollars…She did.

Anyway, congratulations to Parvati. She was definitely a better choice to win the game over Amanda. Honestly, aside from looking hot in her various outfits that were designed to show off that ridiculously rocking body, I don’t really get how Amanda could have thought she’d win again Parv. I mean, what did she really have? You had doe eyes Amanda:

Tight shirt, “my stomach is ridiculously tight” Amanda:

And “I fucked Ozzy (for real though) out in the dirt and next to some rats” Amanda:

And speaking of Ozzy, why did he go out like such a punk with that “you gave up my friendship for a million dollars” speech to Parvati. Wait, everybody is there for the dough, but you expect Parv to feel guilty because your cat ass just wanted her to keep you around so that you could take her out of the game? Is that how is goes? And with regards to this giving up your friendship for money foolishness, I think the only answer to that is HELL YES. Who wouldn’t give up your random ass friendship for cash. It’s not like she needs you to get coconuts and fish back in LA. SHE’LL HAVE MONEY TO DO THAT!!!

And Oz, all that rhetoric about falling in love with Amanda on National TV. Dog, are you serious? Come on homey, you played yourself. Can’t you smell a showmance when you see one? Plus Amanda is the most insincere chick in Survivor history. All those fake tears, doe eyes and bullshit was for the cameras son. She’s a pageant chick!

(Damn, does she ever look skrong in that bikini shot though)

Again, once Amanda gets to a place where they have restaurants, refrigerators and charge cards, Ozzy will cease to be relevant. I mean, just be glad that you were able to hit and move on. Damn, pull your skirt up son.

Lastly, for all the talk about Parvati finally playing a strategic game rather than being flirtatious, leave it to Parv to win based on flirting with some femi-nazi lesbian chicks.

I mean, the so called “black widow” Natalie was waaaaaaay off the board with that question to Parvati about her flirtatiousness in the game and how that translated to her sexual habits in the bedroom!

I mean, that was crazy. And no, neither Jeff Probst nor James got it when she dropped that random ass “question” about Parvati’s sex life and alleged flirtation with her terrible ass.

Lol. I mean, what was that about? I guess those little looks from Parv got ole Nat’s jungle juices flowing out there.

I can’t lie, Lesbian or not (and I’m not sure she even is) that Nat did have her moments with that extra aerobicized body. Though, I can’t support those balloons she calls breast. Them joints are faker than a three dollar bill. Still, that comment about how she thought Parv was flirting with her was unexpected and more than appreciated. Sadly, it came with all the manhater rhetoric, which I often enjoy actually, just not when there aren’t any dudes around. lol.

All in all it was a good season. Fine ass Parvati won.

Is it just me or does she actually look better out in the wild?

Definitely better natures way.

Moving on, Amanda’s fake doe eyed bullshit got her played again (she also lost in Survivor China) and we had some solid girl on girl, man hating subplots to keep it all interesting. As always a great show.

– Lake

BUSTED: Denise the Shady Lunch Lady

December 18, 2007

After watching a few episodes of Survivor China, I knew there was something about Denise that just wasn’t right.

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It all started when she was all too happy to snake James, her supposed ally and friend, when they voted him off with the two immunity idols. Not only was that dirty, but it was stupid for her. She clearly was on the outside with Amanda, Todd and Lil Evil. Then she stretched credulity with that whole “I’m a Karate Instructor, I own a dojo and I’m a second degree blackbelt” but yet when she showed the Shaolin monks her stuff, she moved with the grace and precision of a has-been circus elephant with it’s trunk up it’s ass. Let me tell you a thing or two, a Karate woman looks like this:

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This:

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And this:

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(Yessir)

Not like this:

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Ya feel me? A Karate chick is fit, determined, and clean. She’s not the arbiter between Chicken Fricassee and Mystery Meat Tacos (incidentally, school tacos weren’t all that bad). She’s thinking about her energy, the universe, being one with her inner chi and all kinds of shit like dat. She aint thinking about whether she’s gonna shape her mullet up into a rat tail or just leave it wild to hang trailer park free. You are no more of a Black Belt in Karate than C3pO was a Jedi Knight.

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(I’m actually not sure how this fits, but I’m a bulldog guy, so F it)

Then the chick refused to reciprocate Peih-Gee’s reward generosity talking about “I don’t want her to get strength”…. Biatch, she’s waxing you on all kinds of challenges AND it’s 4 against 1. If you had any “honor” as you kept on hitting Amanda with right before she iced your ass, then why didn’t you show Peih-Gee any love? Then she started quiting all kinds of challenges, wouldn’t eat the damn chicken embryo — she was just a mess. All that “of the people” foolishness was just a farce, or so it seemed at the time….. Well, now we have confirmation.

If you watched the finale, you saw Denise give this contrived sob story about how she lost her job because of the show..roll the tape intern.

LOL, it’s pretty ugly when you consider that she played Probst to set it all up too. Ha. This is off topic, but what’s up with that guy, Probst, by the way? Why is he so self-righteous? He’s like the Survivor version of Alex Tribec. He talks down to everyone on the show like he’s some kind of Survivor Genius, meanwhile, his ass stays out of the game, well fed and fully clothed as bangs out (but doesn’t marry) one of the tighter contestants they ever had and probably a native of 6 in each “exotic destination” for good measure. “Why didn’t you try to get them out of that alliance?” Yeah, easy for you to say, you aren’t out there playing the damn game, son. What they need to do is put Jeff out there on this new Survivor Vets v. Newbies joint next season. Then things would get interesting and quickly.

Anyway, long story short, Denise got BUSTED!

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Right, predictably, her boss was watching the finale (go figure), took offense, dimed her out for being a lying cheat who was just trying to mooch some lootchy off her “fame” and now she’s out here apologizing. Check the video of that HERE.

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Yeah, I guess the fact that she asked to be and was promoted to janitor from Lunch Lady, rather than fired just happened to escape her during the finale show. Oh and the fact that she’s been in this new job for months already also somehow got changed around. Ha… I know this chick aint the biggest genius in the world, but didn’t she know that people were going to figure this out?

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Did she actually think all those administrators were just going to let her conjure up some story about how they unfairly canned her without getting their say so in? I mean, I know she’s an ex-Lunch Lady, but hasn’t she heard of the internet? Shit like that doesn’t go unexposed. I guess Courtney was right after all; you really do just “suck at life“…. Nice try, enjoy the $50 stacks you stole from Mark Burnett. I hope your reputation and all the shit your kids will take as a result of this was well worth it.

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“Denise, I’m sorry, Lake has spoken. Now get yo’ shit, fix yo’ wig and beat it”..

– Lake

Survivor China: Jaime Plays Herself

November 5, 2007

 Check Out our UPDATE of the Survivo: China Finale HERE.
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We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, here’s the best of what’s gone down:

James said that Denise “better watch out” is she was a little bit younger, or he was a little older. Is age really the only thing holding him back? Come on brother! Are you attracted to her work ethic? She is a damn near mute with thunder thighs and a mullet.

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Look at those sneakers, those gotta be long ’bout size eleven or twelve. You gonna get up on that James?

Now I’ve watched every episode of Survivor since the beginning of the series. I get the theory of throwing challenges, but it is definitely bad Survivor karma. Not to mention the fact that Jeff Probst and Mark Burnett will set things up to get yo ass later. Sure enough, Jaime gets caught by the joke that Yau-Man tried to pull last year. Like James said, did she think someone was just going to leave an immunity idol laying around camp like they were leftovers. I guess James had two so he didn’t need anymore. Jaime plaaaaayed herself with that fake idol. Jeff loved it too after she threw that challenge a few weeks ago. Talking about “Jeff, isn’t this the time to play a hidden immunity idol if you have it?” Jeff was like, sure. Then played her when he threw it into the fire.

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She was like, wait, whaaaaaaa? Oh, I got peaced out?

Sherea got voted off the island a few weeks ago. All of my little predictions are starting to fall apart. Sherea got caught up on the wrong team at the wrong time.

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She tried to curse a few people out on her way out the door too while issuing the stank face.

So here’s how it’s shaping up.

James has decent alliances and two immunity idols in his back pocket. People are going to start sniping him not only because he is a physical threat to win individual immunity, but also because he has been a nice guy all the way through.

Todd is going to have a strategy meltdown. He is coming up with schemes that are about four layers too complex. He is trying to throw a challenge, while negotiating an alliance, while playing the hidden immunity idol, while blindsiding Jeff, while snuffing out Jean-Robert’s torch while he wasn’t looking. He’s going to drive himself into madness if he doesn’t watch out.

I think Frosti is still in a great spot to make it to the end. He won the first individual immunity, he doesn’t seem to be on anyone’s radar, and by time they pick off the big threats (Jean-Robert for being a jerk, James for being huge, Todd for scheming too hard, Pei-Gee for being annoying, and Courtney for being waaaaay too annoying, he will still be in the mix.

Next week looks like a good one as Todd tries to blindside James. Yeah, that’s not gonna work.

-Brock