Posts Tagged ‘Steroids’

Doping Watch: 2008 China Olympics

June 5, 2008

The Olympic games start on 08/08/08 (marketing genius…that’s sarcasm) and that means it is time for people to pretend to care about national pride as a bunch of “amateurs” get to represent the country in international competition.

Now with the games taking place halfway around the world, that means that we will all know the results long before NBC elects to televise anything…but the summer Olympics also mean it’s doping time!  You know there are athletes “cycling down” from the roids right now.  If the Balco boys were still around there would be some clear, some cream, and by now they’d probably have some the rub, the balm, the paste and the salve getting people cranked up for competition.

So let’s crank up the Us Versus Them odds machine to predict which sport is going to produce the first dopes up athlete.

Weightlifting:  The guys are just too obvious, right?  But what about the chicks?  Have you seen these ladies?

Come on man.  Those babes are on that stuff.  First of all, why does it look like the little chick is lifting the same amount of weight as the big chick.  That ain’t right.

Olympic cycling

Yup, after Roid Landis, you know the cycling team is looking for an edge.  They are definitely on the watch list.

Gymnastics: Yeaaaaaaah, probably not.  Check out the Hamm midgets.

Have you ever heard these guys talk?  They sound like Alvin and the damn chipmunks.  These two are on watch all right, but it isn’t for dope.

We all know where the real action is.  On the track.

Sometimes it runs in the family.  Here’s what to watch for.  If one of these grown ass men has braces, they might be on that stuff.  If they drag the field by three lengths like Big Brown…they might be on that stuff.  If their first name is Maurice and their last name is Greene…they might be on that stuff.

My bad Mo, that was a cheap shot.

Here’s the best thing.  They media and the athletes are already rolling out the fact that the Chinese use steroids on their cattle.  Sure, blame it on the food.

First the supplements, now the food.  Get ready America, someone is going down.

-Brock

Marion Jones Gets Six Months

January 13, 2008

My word, I know rappers and entertainers are breathing easy these days. Forget the Hip-Hop cops, athletes are catching complete L’s over this Balco steroids situation. Marion Jones, former national treasure just got 6 months in the can for lying to Federal Authorities.

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Honestly, that’s messed up.  The judge went on ahead and gave her the maximum sentence although she has two kids, with one still nursing.  Judge Kenneth Karas said that steroid use “affects the integrity of athletic competition”.  I’m sure federal judges have sound logic, but that isn’t really what we’re talking about here.  She wasn’t going away for steroids, she was being sentenced for lying about taking steroids to federal officials.  Here’s how it works.  If you get caught using steroids in athletic competition, you hand over whatever you won, and get suspended.

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Ben Johnson whoops the field by three strides…gets caught and gives back the gold medal.  Football players lose four games without pay.  Baseball players catch a lengthy suspension.  You don’t go to jail for it.

Man, this federal gubment ain’t playing with these Balco folks.  The crazy thing is this entire fervor is over Barry Bonds.  If it weren’t for the big man breaking every meaningful hitting record in “America’s Game” there wouldn’t be congressional hearings, books on the “Game of Shadows”, federal fact finding commissions, no one would give a damn.  So when Marion is sitting in prison thinking about what went wrong, she has Barry to thank.  Who else was on that Balco list?  “Evan(der) (Holy)Fields” better watch his ass.  You know crazy ass Bill Romanowski was all clear and creamed up.

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Damn from the look of it, his wife may have been on it too.

Mike Vick went down for lying too.  All it does is piss the Fed off.
Roger, are you paying attention?  I know your current plan is to go hard on these charges.  You still haven’t come out and called McNamee a full on liar in all of this.  You might just want to fess up come next week or run the risk of catching 6 months your damn self.  It ain’t worth it Roger.  We know ya did it, just admit it.  Tuck it on in, join Pete Rose and Mark Mcgwire on the “ain’t neva, eva, evaaaaaaa getting in the hall of fame” club, and fade into the background.

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This is the evidence that they are using to sack Barry.  A few side by side picture comparisons coupled with the fact that you got back 5 mph on your fast ball when you hit 38.  I will say this, the way black people are going down in the courts lately, Roger actually gives Barry a little buffer.  If they take Barry down hard, they’ve gotta give Clemens the same.  You just can’t picture Roger Clemens in jail can you?  Going from pinstripes to prison stripes is not gonna be hot.

-Brock

American Gladiator

December 10, 2007

What do you get when you cross this:

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With this?

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You get this:

American Gladiators is back?  The Hulkster is the host?  Are they breaking out the Joust?  What about that joint where they shoot tennis balls out of an air cannon at people?  Or the one where you have to dunk the soccer balls in the little trash cans?

First of all you’ve gotta brink back Nitro, right?

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Actually, that dude is probably fifty something by now.  Still you can’t have American Gladiators without Nitro.

By the way, where do they find those mannish women to compete as Gladiators on the show?

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I mean these chicks have got to be on the Balco cocktail.  Hell, maybe Marion Jones can find a new job. The new show debuts on January 6th.  I guess the writers strike is cutting the options more quickly than I thought.  We will all be watching eating competitions and freaking You Tube clip shows before we know it.

Damn, I just remembered the contest where they put you in the little hamster ball and you had to roll around scoring points!  This is going to be great!

-Brock

Now Here’s Another Hit Barry Bonds…

November 15, 2007

Just hit that video to give your boy Brock some background music while I do what I do then read on. (no need to watch it)

Breaking News: Barry just got indicted on perjury charges stemming from his grand jury testimony a few years ago. Perjury is the most bullshit way of taking cats down. It is like getting a mob boss for tax evasion, you can’t actually connect them to the crime so you build up evidence that they lied about something that you haven’t actually caught them doing yet. Like someone is going to tell you they are breaking the law when you ain’t got a damn thing on em…please.

The worst part is, Barry didn’t even break a law. In fact, he didn’t even break MLB rules at the time. At this point there is just circumstantial evidence.

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Come on, the circumstantial evidence isn’t even that strong.

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See, he looks exactly the same. I mean he still runs the same, still wears the number 25…uhhhhhhhh, still wears wristbands and gloves…aw damn, you got me. That just looks crazy.

So I guess the specific lies are that he didn’t know he was taking steroids, that he never got shot up with the juice, and that he never tested positive for the ‘roids. So they either have a letter, written by Barry that he would like to have some HGH, please. A picture of Victor Conte and Greg Anderson hovering over Barry’s ass with a syringe in their hands, or a positive steroid test.

Here’s my thing, sure he may have sullied “America’s Game“. He may have just broken one of the most hallowed records in baseball. His feet may have grown three sizes at the age of 37. But we’re talking about him playing a sport here. He didn’t commit a crime until he lied about doing some shit that isn’t a crime anyway. They are trying to take him down any way they can get him. Knowing Barry he is going to be an asshole through the whole thing just like Mike Vick, and that isn’t going to help him at all.

We outta here baby indeed.

-Brock

=========================

Yo, I completely agree. This is just a bullshit witch hunt of Barry because they don’t like him personally. Typical hypocrisy. How can you get a guy for saying he never knowingly took steroids? How can any juror be asked to crawl into the brain of a person and know what he did or did not think with regard to substances he was taking and then be able to verify that beyond a reasonable doubt? What a joke. This is what we’re paying these feds to do? We need them to trump up perjury charges on a baseball players behind grand jury testimony of some random lab? Thanks for nothing. Free Barry…and OJ.
– Lake

WWE: One Wrestler Who Lived a Full Life

November 7, 2007

With all the wrestlers dying from steroids side effects uhhhhh heart conditions in their 40’s it is nice to know that one lived a full life before passing away. Ironically it wasn’t one of the hulking 200+ pound athletes that made the WWE famous, it was the Fabulous Moolah, a female wrestler.

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She was the champ in 2001. At 77 years old. Now this is the Fabulous Moolah I always knew. Was she ever hot?

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Yikes, she definitely looks like a fighter. What do the modern Divas look like?

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Right…I guess they aren’t really wrestlers now though. I’m with Vince McMahon, this is still better.

Now why is it that the only wrestler that makes it to a ripe old age is the Fabulous Moolah? Let’s take a look at the current roster:

Batista

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I don’t have that cat making out of the middle of next month.

Bobby Lashley:

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That ain’t natural either. But he’s supposedly hitting fine ass Krystal, so I ain’t mad at him.

How about a little before and after?

Johnny Nitro Before:

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and after:

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So his head just blew up like Barry Bonds, huh? What, were you doing, jaw lifts?

The Rock had it right. Cash in before you need to get your neck fused or you can’t walk anymore. The Hulkster says you gotta eat your vitamins, just keep em legal.

-Brock

Disgrace: Harvard Law Grad ‘stars’ on I Love NY 2

October 18, 2007

UPDATE: PUNK Gets Engaged To Jennifer Hudson?  CHECK OUT the story HERE.

LOL… Dude, I can’t tell what’s more disgraceful, the fact that this fool David “Punk” Otunga has chosen to place himself among the ranks of random freaks, crack heads and scalawags on I Love New York 2 (which all by itself is INSANE) or this cat’s general appearance (starting with that absurd hairpiece he’s rocking atop his roided out body)!

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Dude, are you fucking serious? I mean, is this cat truly serious? Not only has this cat set his people (whoever they are) back about 163 years, but he’s basically single-handily shated on higher education, pissed on the law, and completely invalidated each and every single academic degree ever conferred upon any person from Harvard University (and yes that does include the school of Education…lol). I mean, I thought Ted Kaczyski was a muthafucka and Harvard’s worst nightmare, but when you put that fool next to a dude named “Punk” from I Love New York 2, suddenly the Unabomber doesn’t look all that bad.

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He’s actually kinda pimpin in those stunna shades and that tight hoody. Who knew, maybe he’s a smooth dude–

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Uh, no, no… this fool looks about as wild as he was crazy. A true blemish on the Real HU’s record. I mean this cat is looking like Wolverine’s bullshit drunk uncle with some rusted claws and zero rejuvenating powers.

But yes, I submit to you that what David Punk is doing is definitely worse than what this broke ass Wolverine ever did. I mean, look at the company this fool is keeping. Did you ever catch Kaczynski kicking it with Midget Mac?

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And look at New York herself, looking like a broke ass pornographic muppet.. Mang, why am I watching this show?

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I don’t know. I guess it is entertaining in that train wreck kind of way. They just need to go ahead and bring Chance back though, because these cats just don’t have enough charisma to keep the show going.

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Least of all this cat..

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(Is this cat serious? I haven’t seen that look since Daryl from Soul Glo flashed it right after he applied activator to his mustache)

What a super clown to end all clowns. I mean, let’s just say this cat legitimately wants to get into acting, this is how you break into the biz? As some side show for a chick that was Flavor Flav’s third ho? That’s how you break into the biz, huh? Like in 10 years someone will be reading off your profile at the Oscars saying, “he got his start on I Love NY 2 as one of the many man-hoes who didn’t get picked for love”…..Haaa, I can’t say it and since his race is unconfirmed, I’ll just do it my way, non-NILLA PLEEZ!! Seek help.

Terrible

– Lake