Posts Tagged ‘R. Kelly Child Pornography Trial’

R. Kelly To Threesome Participant: Stop Snitchin’

May 5, 2008

Man, let me tell yall; nothing in the history of the world will be better than this upcoming R. Kelly Trial.

I just hope that it’s televised on tv. Like, for real. It’s already so good and aint shit even happened yet. Just think about it. First off, the trial already has two damn soundtracks…LITERALLY.

1. That Trapped in the Closet Parts 1-5 pretty much supplies the perfect metaphor for this fool’s life right now. In fact, let’s just go ahead and run that Trapped in the Closet. I’ll hook the link up so that it just opens in another window. LOL.

2. Is that classic “Pee On You” and the “Pee On You Remix“. Lol. Is there anything better?

Said rollin’ around, sittin’ on dubbs
Brock and I wuz high on shrubs
Coolin’ in my escalade
Man I’m paid, I got it made
Take me to your special place
Close your eyes, show me your face
I’m gonna piss on it

Hatters wanna hate
Lovers wanna Love
I don’t really want
None of the above, I want to piss on you
Yes I do, I’ll piss on you, I’ll pee on yooooou

Said your body, your body, is a port-a-potty

Sorry R. Not only is that shit ridiculously funny, but it’s just about THE BEST parody EVER.

Anyway, aRa is coming with the oh so classic and effective “Waddent Me” defense, which is hilarious because if you saw the tape one thing is clear: It WAS R. Kelly.

I mean, if you don’t know anything else, that is completely clear. Like, you could think that piss was digital like Dave Chappelle said. You could possibly think that ole girl wasn’t really 13, but rather she just looked like a young as shit. I mean, you could believe a lot of stuff. But one thing we KNOW for SURE is that R. KELLY IS ON THAT TAPE and he’s most certainly getting his full “Gary Coleman can’t do this” man on.

Anyway, the big news now is that another chick has allegedly agreed to testify against aRa and identify Kelly as the man in the tape, confirm that the chick in the tape actually is who prosecutors think she is (a young ass 13 year old chick with LOTS of experience with the mic) AND, now get this, to confirm that she, also a teenager at the time, the young girl in that tape and “the R” had a THREESOME together around the same time the tape was originally shot.

WOW. I’m not sure if the prosecutors will be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that R. was the fucker in that tape, but that can’t be good news for Mr. Kelly. He best start composing another gospel album, rocking that Heaven I Need a Hug Prison Remix entitled “Warden, Save Me From Thugz” or something to pull himself out of this one. You know what’s hilarious about all this? The ENTIRE time he was banging out all these chicks and wilin out, R. had a full on wife and kids. Yo, one thing that we know for sure is that R. is a wiiiiiiiild cat. I mean, remember when that fool showed up on TV with his pastor for that ridiculous interview where he suggested that the man in the video might be his brother?!! Just a really wild cat man. I’ll be watching this one very closely. More later.

– Lake