Posts Tagged ‘R. Kelly Blonde’

R. Kelly Trial: The Most Unshocking “GOTCHA” in Legal History

April 22, 2008

Prosecutors in the R. Kelly trial launched their Law & Order style attack on aRa today in court. In trying to prove that he likes young girls, they are whipping out…gasp!…evidence that he married a 15 year old Aaliyah when he was 27. Shocker!

That’s not exactly Columbo type material there. It is actual fact. I think the papers are filed in the state of Illinois. If there was an official marriage, then it was probably legal…dontchathink? Sure, R. Kelly seems to be a sick, sick dude. You know the saying where there’s smoke, there’s fire? Well, right now it is smokier than four weed heads getting their smoke on in a car that is billowing black smoke, with a smoked ham in the trunk, with Smokey Robinson on the radio. The problem is…R. Kelly is fanning the flames with stuff like this:

Yeah, the female tongue belt buckle probably isn’t going to help.

The mask probably wasn’t a good idea either.

Also, if you are going to use the “wadden’t me” defense it is probably a good idea to make your sex tape in a regular room in front of a white wall. Getting it on in your freaking “log cabin” bonus room when you actually have a log cabin bonus room at your house probably isn’t the best idea in the world. I know…I know it was photoshopped, or a doppelganger, or your cousin Brock was at your house that day. Whatever.

Well R. finally figured out that he needs to lay low. So now he is wearing a disguise everywhere he goes.

Niiiice. Real inconspicuous. Dress like Goldylocks before your child exploitation trial. Dammit aRa. You are a musical genius…leave teh young girls alone. I know, you didn’t do it. Jigga – Kelly, not guilteeeee!

-Brock