Posts Tagged ‘Q and Dawn Making the Band’

Making the Band 4: It’s Dark and Lonely

September 5, 2008

Sure, there isn’t any drama of actually making a band, there aren’t any wild producers like Seven, Diddy has not coined any new phrases like “Bitchassness”, but this is still a damn entertaining show.  Let’s start with Aubrey.  Puff is getting them ready for tour when he notices that the young, slim tender thang that used to look like this:

Now looks like a collagen puffed, fake J’d, fake Jenna Jameson pre-Milf.

How did she choose that dress?  Did she ask for something that only covers her nipples as little as possible?  The lips, the cheeks, the overdone eyes, it ain’t right.  She even arugued that she is old enough to make her own decision when she said she was twenty hrrrrrmmmmmmm years old.  I mean she got halfway through that argument and just swallowed the backend of that declaration.  She did not want to drop that age in front of the cameras.  By the way, next time she’s thinking about shit you shouldn’t do in front of the camera, she needs to keep this on the list.

Aaaaaaaaaaah!  Look I know the cameras follow you all the time, but damn.  The bathroom has got to be a safe zone, right?  Take a brush and some lip gloss back there with you.  You know what, I actually like babes without much make up, Aubrey O’Day version 1 could have pulled the straight out of the shower look off, but vamped up Aubrey needs a little extra help.  And no Aubrey, we don’t want to hear about how you need to go somewhere where you will be appreciated because, you might not know it, but that place is not the music industry.  When Diddy said it gets dark and lonely, he means he will kick your ass to the curb and tell everyone in the industry to leave your ass alone.  When was the last time you saw Da Band?  Exactly.  It is easier to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq than it is to find that cat Fred.  There is a place where you could be appreciated though.  That would be the porn industry with your girl Jenna.  I’d buy it watch it for free on the internet.

Moving on, let’s talk about Donnie.  First of all, I don’t care how many 12 year old girls made him the “people’s choice” at the end of MTB4 Season 1..which was like two years ago by the way.  Donnie is not about to have the #1 record next week.  First of all Diddy played him by exposing him as a non-dancing, barely singing white dude.  That’s not making me drop $12 at Best Buy.  Second of all, his last name is Klang.  That’s terrible.  So Diddy tells him that we doesn’t want him to move like a White dude.  So what does he do to help him out?

Hire a white dude.  Nice.  I prefer Laurie Anne’s Boom Cack Cack to this dude’s “act like you gonna hit it real hard, then be like naaaaah that’s all I got right there.”  This guy looks like the Fourth Beastie Boy…after they stopped rapping.

I need a break from the terrible.  Let’s go to Dawn.

God bless whoever gave her those pink shorts because once again Dawn was KILLING EM.  I mean good lawd.  She had the sweat on the lower back when she was done working too…doesn’t get any better than that.  That Que workout plan is real.  She is really what you’ve always wanted Kelly Rowland to give you although she never could.  By the way, while I was watching the show one of the people in the room said “Why do they all dance like strippers?”.  I said “The song is called “striptease”.  She responded, “but they always dance like strippers”.  Touche.

Que, what’s her secret?

I know, I know.  A gentleman never tells.  By the way, if you want to kill the gay rumors, you might want to lose the juice boxes.  After the age of 14 you are no longer allowed to drink anything out of a bitch ass bendy straw.  That includes juice boxes, Capri Sun, all that.   The straw in grown man drinks is a stirrer, not an instrument for consuming the beverage.  Got it?  Thanks.

Speaking of rampant bitchassness, that brings us to Brian vs. Laurie Anne.  Sisqo 2.0 didn’t like being picked on (little man/Napoleon syndrome) so he finally blew up on Laurie Anne because she was actually calling him out for constantly f’ing up.  This is one of those practice how you play situations.  Brian thinks he can turn it on for the big show, but Laurie Anne knows he’s wrong.  So Brian blows up.  Walks out.  Yells at his boys, makes Que think he’s about to go back to working at McDonald’s (funniest moment of the night) and starts crying when he starts talking about how hard he works.

Then he breaks down when Laurie Anne comes back in to give him a hug.  Bitchassness is still alive.

-Brock




Making the Band 4, Season 3 Premiere – The Tour

August 20, 2008

Ohhhhhh shit, I just went ahead and played that “Exclusive,” versions fast and slow, back to back to back to back to back like it was MTB4 Season 1 again.  Oh yeah, I’m amp’d up and ready for some good solid MTB4.  Let’s get it. So I’m watching the show and Diddy comes on talking his standard shit.  Hey, I appreciate it, because quite frankly, the last time I saw Diddy, it was like this:

Correct, even he couldn’t believe the level of Bitchassness that was occurring on “I Want To Work For Diddy.”  And if Sean John is anything like me, he was pretty much looking like this after Episode 1 of that show.

I mean, I was SHOOK!  Still am really.  That shit was like a really bad non-musical video for Danity Kane’s Damaged.  And just like the song says, shit was “damaged, damaged, damaged (soooo) damaged and Diddy should be the one to know, now please fix it, fix it fix it..” ok?

Now that we handed that little bit of mini beef/house keeping, we can move onto one of my favorite shows.

Issue 1: The Evolution of Dawn

So I tuned in and the first thing I see is certified thickum, D. Woods, sashaying herself across that rehearsal floor.  Oh wait, that aint no D. Woods, that’s DAWN. Oh my word!!!

She is looking rizzight.  Goodbye shy girl, hello Q is definitely banging that out.  All in touch with that sensual side all of a sudden, huh?

Respect.  Hey, I saw it coming.  If memory serves, she had a bit of ahem “growth” in that regard last season.  Let me dig in my archives, ah yes:

Oh yes.  You gotta like someone who keeps raising the bar season to season.  Which of course is the exact opposite of what Aubrey is doing, but we’ll get there later.  Anyway, every man loves the day when he first peeps that layer of thick laid up on top of strong woman.  Her day might be here.  I’ll have to keep an eye on it for all of us.

Issue 2:  The Return of Laurie Anne

Hilarious.  And I appreciate how when Laurie Ann presents herself, MTV immediately goes to one of the finest moments in Reality TV history.  Yep, that “Baby girl, I’m not taking NO interjections” speech and prompt dismissal-ass tappities Puff put on ole girl in Season 1.

So good.  Then of course she starts messing with everybody.  Talking shit, getting under cat’s skin.  Standard issue stuff for this babe.   And just as an aside, funny to see that Medium Mike is back to being “Big Mike.”  Can’t wait to hear what Diddy has to say about that.  Anyway, so Diddy rolls up and talks to Laurie Ann one on one.  Based on the silly little grin she’s got on her face, there’s a strong likelihood that they haven’t talked since the last time Puff hit errr since the blow up where she got canned for insubordination and super-bitchassness.

Just listening to her talk to him…it just terrible dude.  I mean, first off, Puff is at a loss for words.  Then you’ve got Laurie Ahnt over here devolving into baby talk with goo goo and gah gah eyes.  Just terrible.  I mean, if nothing else, this little exchange makes me 100% certain that Puff has been tagging that since around 1993 to present.  Then Puff hit her with the “All I did was put you on” rhetoric.  Which is iron-clad.  I mean, honestly, would ANYONE outside of the choreographers even know about her ass but for Mr. Combs?  Sheeeit, Lake Arlington had more cache than this chick prior to Making the Band.  She needs to pay homage or get to steppin’.  But then Puff came with that “So did you miss me when you was away from me?”

lol, the proverbial knock out punch/dick in a box.  I love it.  Puff is back in my good graces with this display of utter pimpery.  I like it.  It almost makes me forget these Tranny antics over on his other show.

Almost.  Glad to have this show back.  It rarely fails to entertain.  Oh and fellas, yeah, yall over there at Bad Boy, less of Aubrey is good for MTB4, remember that.

– Lake

Making the Band 4, Season 2 Premiere

January 29, 2008

UPDATE:  Check out the Premiere of Season 3, The Tour, of Making the Band 4 HERE

UPDATE: Check out how Diddy hit Robert with that “Bitchassness” label in episode 2 HERE.

So like any true MTB4 fan, I went ahead and tuned into that Making the Band 4, Season two premiere last night.

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And even though it sounds cliche at this point, I gotta just say it, Diddy has done it again. I know some of you have tried to get on young Lake for giving Diddy too much credit, but really who else deserves the credit, Aubrey? Medium Mike? Nah, you’ve gotta have that slack jawed, part time curl, always sun glass covered, “got something for your face f*ck Pro-active” exterior in order to do this thing and the boy is an entertainment genius.

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One thing that did surprise me was how basic Diddy looked in that first scene. I mean, did this cat just come in from a morning jog or something? Take the sunglasses off this cat right here and you aren’t working with much. And what’s with that patch of unblended hair up above his left temple piece? What, homey doesn’t have access to a club brush? I need a bit better for the Premiere bro. Moving on. I love the show concept now that I’ve seen it in action. I mean, who wants to see 1 and 1/2 juicy cats (Willie and sometimes Q) and a bunch of “nice guys” make their album and then go on tour? That’s what was wrong with Da Band and their show, not enough charisma.

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Yeah, they were crazy as all hell, but they lacked that star quality. So what do you do? You bring back Danity Kane (still don’t quite get that name), Donnie and the rest of the fellas for an “album off”. It’s perfect. You get the subplots of the intra-band conflict, inter-band conflict and the omni present who’s gay, who’s not, and which dude is going to bang out which DK chick and under what circumstances? I love it.

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Speaking of the DK babes, let’s just talk about them some. First off, what the fuck is up with Aubrey? Man, the last time we saw ole girl she was young and flirtatious with a thing for every man that walked in the room. We all swore up in down that 1. Diddy was gonna hit (which he may have) and 2. that if given the chance, any of us reading the blog could probably hit too. That’s what was so good about her. Then she just started getting all arrogant and acting a damn fool.

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And no I don’t want to hear about your “friends” and how the paparazzi doesn’t print anything about your “two charities”. Two charities? Chick, you’re one bad single away from being a damn charity case yourself, what now you’ve got a foundation or something? What’s the cause, to help underprivileged trailer girls who have to make ends meet by selling their hair for your next weave? We all know how the game goes. You aint got no real money yet, nobody does based on their first album. Pleez. You think that Making the Band money is going to last your into the 2010’s and beyond? You’re just another thin blond chick with a decent face piece, some upgraded body parts and you should be happy to play any position MTV, Lake, Bad Boy, Diddy and yes, even the paparazzi give you.

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(Is that a pout or is that just her new surgically enhanced mug?)

I’m glad Puff set her straight with that little sitdown, but what the hell is with that highly suspect picture behind Aubrey’s right shoulder? Looks like two grown men, one of which may or may not be a homo thug, leaning up with a lil too much glee. Anyway, I also liked how Puff said, “baby gurl, if you change your eye color and it affects the group, I gotta problem with that”… haaaa, translation, “before you put those tittays on dubbs and injected that collagen into your new set of Angelina Joiles, you should have consulted me.” And of course he’s right. Diddy probably wants babes who give off the young, fresh and natural vibe like Aundrea, not that desperate cougar with too much make-up, too much weave and more work than a LA low-rider look Aubrey is going for. Baby girl, tone it down. You aren’t that hype.

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(I must say she looks good here though)

All that rhetoric in the limo about “do yall know who you’re riding with” and “we’re Danity muthafuckin Kane” was just awful. Stay in your lane baby and everything will be cool. Get out of pocket and you’ll be with the rest of the skanks at the Buffalo Jills dance team tryouts inside of 8 months. Moving on.

I liked what I saw from D. Woods. I must say, I haven’t been all that impressed by her in the past. I mean, sure she can sing and that’s important, but just didn’t get how she could make it in videos and on magazine covers. That is, until I saw this shot.

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Damn! That industry coca and champagne diet must really be doing it’s job. Or did she cop some HGH off Mary J and Timbo? Nah, if she did that then she’d look like this:

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(Lordy, those thighs lookin juicer than a Popeye’s two piece)

Damn, I never really put that picture in the lab like I should have. Jeez. Yall think Robert can handle that? Incidentally, I’m glad to hear no news of that old shat talking girl from before, June, wasn’t it? Glad to see ole Rob took my advice on that one. I don’t know, all I know is baby girl is looking trim in the middle and I like it. I could almost let her get away with that sideways mullet she’s rocking, but the business on the left, party on the right wig piece (at least I hope that’s a wig) just doesn’t work for me. Plus, it lets everyone know that she’s rocking a fade up underneath anyway. I can’t respect a chick who aint got more hair of her own than Brock does. I mean, at least lie to me, like Dawn for instance.

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Hmmm, now see. I like how Dawn came back. Beyonce weave, check… Make up done, check, a little extra effort on the tail piece, even if it’s just a back arch, check. I can’t lie, when she twirled around in tight white dress with the inappropriate white thong piece, I had to catch myself for a second.

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This budding relationship between Dawn and Q may have legs yet. I also appreciate it because it could finally take Q off “you’re gay” watch, something I’m eager to do.
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On the real, you can take all the hard yellow timbo boots with the beater and tats atop a baby grand all you want, but you gotta show me some things Q and I aint talking about in the booth youngin…knock it down and no I did not buy that “I wanna cut Lorrie Ann in that blue unitard” act you put on last season neither. That shit was terrible.

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Anyway, it was good to see Big errr Medium Mike back at it. I can’t lie, Diddy did need to set ole boy straight in the studio that one time as Mike has a tendency to treat every moment like he’s back on his front porch with his dog, Butch, just a crackin pecans and playin’ on his harmonica. Let me ask yall a question though, is Big Mike gonna bag a lady this season? I don’t know, he looked a little too reserved with the ladies at the club that night. I mean, you don’t have to cut a fool Mike, but you should show a little swag my man. Get up on Aundrea…grab a lock of Shannon’s painted on red hair. She could use the boost in energy. I mean, make something happen.

Finally, I’m not so sure about my man Donnie and his chances at stardom. Ok, apparently chicks dig his look, which I appreciate. I mean, Aubrey was doing more than break her neck for him and that was with the cameras rolling.

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You just know Donnie will or already has served Aubrey up a fresh plate of ass smackities. But I’m not so sure he’ll be hitting it right. All this shy guy foolishness, it’s just not working for me. Just like that high, but not quite right, Justin Timberlake impression he was doing in that booth wasn’t quite right.

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The jury is still out on Donnie, but he better bring it home for his countrymen.

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Lord knows they’ve got a lot riding on him. Enough for now.. If I didn’t mention this guy.

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This guy:

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Or that girl, there’s a reason for it. These people just need to step their game up or Diddy needs to do something to add spice. Still, the season looks very promising. I’m looking forward to it.

– Lake

============UPDATE=============

Check out the UvT review of Episode 2 right HERE.