Posts Tagged ‘Pregnant Aguilera Naked’

Christina Aguilera is a classy gal

November 30, 2007

Christina Aquilera has always just struck me as such a waste. She’s got great talent, good looks, I mean, the chick should really have it all. Too bad talent doesn’t come packaged with good sense.

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Just why? I know, I know, motherhood is beautiful. Sure it is, but check out that look in her eye. We aren’t talking bonding with your baby beauty, we’re talking, I still like to take it up the arse, I’m looking at the camera man’s package right now beautiful. Personally, I don’t like these, “I’m knocked up, but I’m sexy in a different way” pictorials. Demi was provocative, Britney’s was annoying and this is just f*cking unacceptable!! Jeez. You’d think this would be enough to satisfy her “I’m slutty and empowered” jones.

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(See, no difference and you know you can’t play that guitar)

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Why would I want to see a pregnant woman, weaved out of her mind with nothing but ice, stripper tanning lotion and some Christian Louboutin (I said it) kicks on? I know, I know, this is a women’s magazine, right, then why is she starring down the camera like she just got her Monica Lewinsky on in her trailer park with a striking stage hand? Nothing this chick does is for women. She may not be a ho, but as Chris Rock says, she wears the hoe’s uniform..namely, NADA and heels.

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(You know you hit with heels on, that aint yo’ hair and you’re NOT Spanish!)

Come on. Isn’t anything sacred? Can’t you just not be a Hollyweird freakazoid for 6 months of your life? After the kid comes, then you can just hand it off to the nanny, hit the gym, club, all your background dancers (in that order please) and just go back to your normal life (ie fucking for tracks). But I think the rest of us deserve not to have to see your pregnant ass, enhanced cans, scraggly weave, and soon to be stretched out baby maker (see below) plastered all over our newsstands.

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(NSFW joints here.. terrible dude.)

Doesn’t the fact that you’re 7 months pregnant mean anything to you? Doesn’t ANYTHING change about what you do, who you roll with, HOW you roll?

Is it too much to ask for this chick to wear draws?

I just feel like Britney hooked this chick up with the “what not to do” play book, but just like a lemming, she’s doing it all. It’s just terrible. Cover that damn thing up. Prepare for motherhood. Stop saying you’re Latino and stop denying that you’ve been knifed up and mamillarily enhanced and put some damn clothes on.. Literally, FOR THE CHILDREN. Awful.

I can’t lie though, when you hit juuust the right angle, with juuuust the right amount of airbrush, she’s dirty white girl freaky trailer park sexy.

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I admit it.

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Hmmm, I think she might have Lauren London beat. On second thought, I retract everything I said above. Keep on doing what you do mama.

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Nice.

– Lake the Hate(r)