Posts Tagged ‘Nick Cannon Engaged’

Nick Cannon & Mariah = WTF of the Century

May 9, 2008

Jesus take the wheel. Lake and KIR in NV from the comments you might both need to check the estimates on the divorce countdown, because when Nick Cannon commits to his second fiance in two years…he REALLY commits. Check this out:

wtf? WTF?!?!?!?!?!!!!111111one1!1! WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT? Is this dude serious? I originally thought that was some thugged out joint he got a long time ago. Nah player…that joint says “Mariah”. First of all, let’s get down to the basics. There is no reason. Not never. For a grown man to have the name Mariah written across his back in four inch tall letters from shoulder to shoulder. Second, you just don’t do that shit. At least do something that you can cover up later without looking like you’ve been in San Quentin for 23 years. Oh, and Mariah got one too.

A Butterfly, her icon for years that says “Mrs. Cannon” down the middle…oh and by the way she can cover that shit with a butterfly thorax in about three minutes when this wild ass relationship is over and it will look like it was never there.

What is Nick going to do? Start in one arm pit and write out “Where’s the gyM…ARrrr…I…AHhh don’t know” stretching over to the other armpit?

Dumbass. I guess Celebrity Love makes you do some crazy ass things. My hope is that it was like a game show.

Mariah: Nick you can either marry me and sign this little 80 page prenuptual agreement or we can’t do it.

Nick: But I love you girl. I want to be with you forever!

Mariah: How do I know that? I don’t know that. You can’t prove that to me. How about this, why don’t you go to the tattoo parlor and get my name tattooed on your back in big ass letters then we will fly a photographer down and take high res closeups of the tattoo and publish them in the worlds most popular weekly entertainment magazine in the world? Then you share everything I’ve got baby.

Deal or No Deal?

Nick: DEAL!

Even Howie thought he should have held out a little bit longer.

And so does Us Versus Them.

-Brock

=============Update===============

Fucking unbelievable. Brock aint never lied about the odd dichotomy between the two tats. That shit is just too overdone.. I mean, who was Nick’s tattoo artist, Raymo from Beat Street? That sit is awful. And how classy is it of Mariah to get that 2008 tramp stamp? Like we haven’t learned about Tat Regret in the last 10 years. Jeez. And what’s with her and the butterfly anyway? Maybe it’s just me, but I hate a butterly (lady bug too). They’re both still nasty to me. A butterfly aint nothing but a house fly’s hood rat cousin with a dope ass weave. It’s still a nasty pest that I don’t want around. Terrible.

Maaayne, the more I think about it, the more I’m beginning to believe that Nick’s “tat” would wash off like quicker than a dry erase board. Man, that shit aint real. I smell a publicity rat. No man with any damn sense (granted, I can’t speak to his common sense compass) would actually put those size letters on his back.

My bad LeBron. By the way, isn’t it a bit presumptuous for this dude to put “chosen 1” on his back? I mean, you hoop, it aint like you’re God or something. Come on now. And if you’re “Chosen” then why did the Celtics check your candy ass up out of TD Bank Norf Garden wih the greatest of ease last night. Shit, if you can walk on water, why can’t you hit a damn jumper?! Anyway, back to this tat….this is when you need an older man, preferably your POPS, in your life to just tell your ass “NO, you ARE NOT getting Chosen 1 tattooed on your back, boy…I don’t care what you say, now go downstairs and help your mother straighten the front room up, we’re having company over.”

Anyway, I’m starting not to buy and of this Nick and Mariah bullshit. I think it’s all a joke. I know, any minute now Ashton Kutcher is going to pop out and tell us how he tricked us all.

He’ll warn us against digging into celebrity lives… right? AHNT. Something aint right. We need Kir, who I guess knows this dude personally, to confirm that he could possibly be this clueless. Note that you never actually see them kissing in these pics. I don’t like it. The tat could not be any more overdone and while I probably would tat up for that kind of paper (what can I say?), I don’t think a semi established, somewhat working actor like Nick would do the same. I don’t know. I don’t like it. I have my money on fake wedding, fake tat, fake everything..hell, I’m not even writing this right now….Just wait, they’ll come with some wack “ha ha” we fooled you nonsense in about a month’s time. Terrible.

– Lake

Boring: Nack Cannon and Mariah Got Married?

May 5, 2008

Has there ever been a more boring couple that you could have less use for?

OK. I’ll admit, I have a use for Rihanna’s thick ass thigh over there on the left side, but otherwise I’m not too excited. What’s interesting about these two is that I actually have a use for both when they’re apart, just not together. Fine, I’m just hatin’, if Rihanna needed a place to pop, lock and drop it, I’d be her man too.

Even more useless than these two? Can it get worse? Yes it can… A bunch of media outlets are saying that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married in “the islands” (whatever that means) a few days back.

He’s 27, she’s 38 (damn, Mariah is that old?) Why in the hell would Nick mess with her and then really put it down like that?

Ok, but other than her dough? Come on… Nick makes some money from that awful improv show and besides, he’s been blazing Kim Kardashian and Selita Ebanks… come on, you don’t go from Filet Mignon and Lobster to Arby’s people, I’m sorry. And before you comment, Arby’s is exactly what Mariah is. I mean, have you ever seen someone with big breasts, minimal fat and long hair look less sexy in a revealing outfit?

Look, I give Mariah credit. She looks better now than she’s ever looked before. But Nick, look long and hard. This is a 38 year old woman, and it is never going to be any better than what you see here. You were dating a Vicky Secrets model. And you end up with Mariah? I know the kid on Chappelle’s show thought you were “Hilaaaaarious” but you ain’t that funny to me. In fact, this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen you do and I’m laughing at you, not with you.

While you are going downhill…I can’t hate on the track record. You went from this…

Ooooooh. Christina “two scoops” Milian does it for me every time.

To this:

I wasn’t up on Selita Ebanks too tough, but I am now. That ass piece is struggling to escape…and I like that.

To this:

Damn, I thought that was photoshopped, but I think that is real from 2005

Come on, I wouldn’t date Mariah Carey….sans that money. Sheyut, everybody has a price. Anyway, this must be a fake story or a publicity stunt. Either way, it kind of makes me yawn.

Nick, I hope all that money acts as a salve when you look up at age 35 and your lady is pushing 50 and you feel that pain for not opting for a young tender when you had the chance. Nick, remember the assology mantra…thick today is swole tomorrow.

Who am I kidding, this might not last the whole calendar year. Especially when Mariah finds out Nick remixed the ring he gave Selita.

-Brock