Posts Tagged ‘Negative Arse’

A New Drug In The Battle Against Negative Arse

May 1, 2008

Okay, not really. But someone in some company’s marketing department needs a swift ass whoopin’. The drug is called AcipHex. Cute right? Let’s see, that would be a soft “c” and the “ph” makes a “f” sound. Go ahead saw it out loud. It sounds like “Ass Effects”. And they run commercials on television.

Hey I hope it works, it is supposed to fight acid reflux, but if it works like it’s name sounds, I can think of a lot of people who need a prescription quickly. Peep the commercial:

Now I know these actors knew good and well they were saying Ass Effects. The funny thing? This is the one ad that doesn’t have side effects listed at the end of the commercial. AcipHex may cause swollen butt cheeks, dropping it like it’s hot, and you may develop the opportunity to pop one butt cheek at a time.

Young Brock approves.

Maybe they can rock the Proactiv style testimonials with celebrity endorsements.

Rihanna before:

Dr. Brock diagnoses a bad case of Nassatall. Please take two tablets of AcipHex and call me in the morning.

Rihanna After:

You just have to be careful not to take too much at once. Nicole Richie came in with a bad case of negative arse.

I don’t even need to look around the corner to know there isn’t anything there.  So I guess she tried to take the whole bottle at once…

Yikes…that was not the desired effect.

Ladies if you need help in the battle against negative ass, call Dr. Hardon.  Ass Effects can solve all your problems.  It can either be administered orally or injected at the site.


It’s still a problem: Negative Arse Part 2

November 14, 2007

I took a lot of shit for my hard-hitting negative ass exposé from back in the day. Still, I pushed on because I really believe that it was and still is an important issue that has been largely ignored by the mainstream media.


(Negative arse syndrome, has it hurt you or someone you love(d)?)

Still, some of these babes I run with, they just weren’t feeling it.

“But Lake” they said. “It’s bad enough that society sexually objectifies the female body as if women are objects to be evaluated, critiqued and even treated like currency. Your observations of the female form only complicates the issue as you further perpetuate these prevailing sociocultural attitudes themselves!!!!” My response: AS THEY SHOULD BE!!! My people have suffered far too long with these no ass having chicks.


Bone on bone crime is as serious as any other crime and it should be treated as such! What these chicks should be doing is working with conscientious people like myself to eradicate skeletal butt…for the children. Take Demi Moore for instance. She’s generally regarded as an very attractive, albeit, older woman.


Now see, it’s all good until she turns around and then:


Boom, no ass at home!

I know, I know, some dudes don’t need ass. I’ve heard it all before. My boy told me… He doesn’t work with the ass so the negative ass doesn’t bother him. Nonsense. If you don’t work with the ass, there’s probably something wrong with it…but more importantly, you’ve got something wrong with yourself. THIS is what you’re missing:


(My favorite part of this pic is the hat…Tasena, hip hop model if you need her)

Now that’s a tailpiece. This too..


(Best part of this pic is the intense look in her eyes and that ring on her right pinky finger)

Dats azz.. Ok, just one more…


(My word!)

It’s like Kanye said, “Dog, are yall fuckin kidding?” Forget “shoulders, chest, pants, shoes.” The new mantra needs to be “squat, thrust, lunge, cool…” Do all these thangs and you too can have and enjoy…DAT AZZ. Peace.

– Lake n Bake