Posts Tagged ‘Nascar’

Man Up Monday: Brad Daughetry

April 21, 2008

Now that the NBA Playoffs are on, I’m watching even more ESPN than normal. (Is that possible?) So all the networks have their A-Team rolled out for coverage. I’m watching Sportscenter and see this man on screen.

That’s right, Brad Daughterty. The Number 1 draft pick in 1986 to the Cleveland Cavs. Five time all-star. Career 19 and 9 guy. Solid, solid player. So I’m expecting some in depth analysis of the big men in the hunt for the championship, but nooooooo, all of a sudden we’re talking about the Road Track at Talladega or wherever the hell NASCAR was racing this weekend. NASCAR? Seven foot tall Brad Daugherty is the NASCAR correspondent?

How did this go down?

Hey Brad, you want to work for ESPN?

Yeah? Great. Ummmmmm, we need you to cover NASCAR.

I feel you Brad. That is why you should have manned on up and said. F That! I’m not doing it. So here’s what I want you to do. Head to Bristol, Connecticut. Go find whoever gave you this crazy ass assignment. raised your right hand up as high as you can (it should be right around 9 feet in the air) and slap the shit out of that dude Then report directly to the Cavs-Wizards game tonight at 7.

MAN UP!

-Brock

UPS: Everything is all Right

December 15, 2007

UPS announced that it was able to cut costs by changing the way their trucks drove their routes. Sound like a complicated issue with teams of engineers working out algorithms for years? Nah, they solved the problem by only making right turns at intersections. By not waiting at lights idling until traffic clears they were able to save three million gallons of gas and cut 28 million miles out of their delivery routes. Whoever came up with that better get a hot Christmas bonus. They save nine million in gas alone.

Their next big idea is to paint all the trucks so they look really fast too.

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I heard the geniuses at Nascar are thinking about changing the direction that all the racecars go around the track in order to make Nascar “go green”.

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Ricky Bobby wants to turn right, and Ricky Bobby ain’t a thinker, Ricky Bobby is a driver.

Their 2008 slogan is “Car Racin’ is awwwlllllright”. Hey fellas, changing left turns to right turns on a track isn’t going to work in your case.  Trust me.

-Brock