Posts Tagged ‘Nascar sucks’

Man Up Monday: Brad Daughetry

April 21, 2008

Now that the NBA Playoffs are on, I’m watching even more ESPN than normal. (Is that possible?) So all the networks have their A-Team rolled out for coverage. I’m watching Sportscenter and see this man on screen.

That’s right, Brad Daughterty. The Number 1 draft pick in 1986 to the Cleveland Cavs. Five time all-star. Career 19 and 9 guy. Solid, solid player. So I’m expecting some in depth analysis of the big men in the hunt for the championship, but nooooooo, all of a sudden we’re talking about the Road Track at Talladega or wherever the hell NASCAR was racing this weekend. NASCAR? Seven foot tall Brad Daugherty is the NASCAR correspondent?

How did this go down?

Hey Brad, you want to work for ESPN?

Yeah? Great. Ummmmmm, we need you to cover NASCAR.

I feel you Brad. That is why you should have manned on up and said. F That! I’m not doing it. So here’s what I want you to do. Head to Bristol, Connecticut. Go find whoever gave you this crazy ass assignment. raised your right hand up as high as you can (it should be right around 9 feet in the air) and slap the shit out of that dude Then report directly to the Cavs-Wizards game tonight at 7.

MAN UP!

-Brock

IRL and Champ Car have merged!!!!

February 22, 2008

Or maybe they haven’t.. hey guess what, I don’t give a hot damn either way.

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Has there ever been a sport that is more useless than Indy Racing League or “Champ Car”… Listen, before people started bombarding me with news of this merger, I didn’t even know what Champ Car was. I mean, it already sounds like a boot leg, repackaged marketing play for children’s toys, in fact, if you told me that Hot Wheels and Stompers (those were hot toys) had merged, I literally would have been far more interested. At least those two products have a purpose. Look, I hate Nascar and all its derivatives. I hate everything about it. I’m tired of seeing Dale, Ricky, Jimmy, Bobby, Dale, Billy and Cade roll around a track turning left for 4 hours with little rhyme or reason. You can’t even tell who’s winning! How is that exciting?

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Seriously, this is the worst “sport” ever. Nothing pisses me off more than rolling into my favorite sports bar and seeing those damn cars going around in a circle on a tv that should have “that game” on. And by “the game” I mean one of the legitimate sports with real athletes competing at the highest level. Not some southern fried freaks in their HGH mobiles, sucking down victory milk and occasionally doing a backflip out of the car (incidentally, that flip this the most athletic and interesting thing those fools do all day).

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That just aint right.

I must say, the South has a long and storied history, both good and bad. My bad list reads like this:

1. Slavery

2. Jim Crow Laws

3. KKK

4. Nascar

5. 69 Boyz, Tag Team, 95 South and the rest of the Booty Shake genre

Good:

1. Sweat Tea

2. Duke Basketball

3. Delicious Soul Food

4. Outkast

5. Bodacious Booty

– Lake