Posts Tagged ‘Mitchell Report’

Bully in a China shop: Clemens press conference

January 7, 2008

Boy oh boy, I just went ahead and watched that Roger Clemens press conference. My impressions, Roger Clemens is even more of an asshole than I thought he was.

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Jeez. Let me just run through what happened.

1. Smooth Texas lawyer gets up and sets the table. Now I see why Roger let this dude talk for him. Roger is a pitcher, not a genius and not a diplomat. This smooth cat could represent me any day.

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2. Roger the Rat – Rocket tries to tamper with a witness errrr set up McNamme

Roger, under the auspicies of reaching out to Brian McNamme, a cat who doesn’t have all this loot to fight cases or live his life, plays his old trainer trying to see how many times he can say that he didn’t do anything without that being directly refuted by McNamme. Nice try. It was also very classy. McNamme is on the line crying (literally) about how he didn’t want to give up Clemens and how his son is dying (literally) and Clemens is acting like he cares. But predictably he doesn’t care.

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Nope, he only cares about saving his own skin and setting up McNamme right before he files a suit against him for defamation. Perfect. Then McNamme says “I don’t know who can hear this, I’m on a cell phone” and Rocket responds, “I don’t know who is listening to this”… Riiiight. Of course, what he meant was “holy shit, you just addressed the fact that I’m trying to set you up, could you know? Ohhh, I just got that ‘I’m a piece of shit feeling'”.

3. Roger gets up and tries to bully the press – HOT

Roger gets up and starts getting that ‘Roid rage errr temper flaring. He started the joint off by saying “It’s hard for me to even be in here with some of you, but I’ll rise above it”. Right, dude wasn’t so cool when he can’t just lean back and throw at someone’s head. Haaaaa Classic lines:

A. “I got another asinine question the other day about the Hall of Fame. You think I played my career because I care about the Hall of Fame? I could give a rat’s ass about that also. If you have a vote and because of this you can keep that vote. I cannot wait to go into the private sector and hopefully have to never answer this again.”

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Go Yanks!!! LOL.

B. “Andy is my friend, I’m not going to comment about [whether he’s a cheater]. Now can I drink water?”

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C. The smooth lawyer tells everyone that he would never advise any client to take a lie detector test.

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He also said that he used lie detectors test as a prosecutor and saw that it was unreliable. Another gold star for our criminal justice system. Don’t hold your breath waiting for a lie detector test folks.

By the end of the presser, Clemens was beginning to unravel. Hell, his lawyer noticed it and tried to make a few wise cracks to add some levity. Whatever. Barry Bonds has had to deal with this shit forever, clearly Roger is no Bonds when it comes to focus and calm when dealing with the press. Welcome to the real world Roger. You aint getting protected anymore. I say he did it.

– Lake

Hey Roger, we know you did it, just admit it

December 23, 2007

Ole Rog released a “personal” youtube denial today. It’s so “from the heart,” folksy and completely unscripted, peep it:

Don’t you love the edit job they did? And that wasn’t scripted or anything, sheyut, who am I kidding. The only thing missing from that joint was a teleprompter and an unemployed writer’s union vagabond feeding the Rocket Mayne his lines. This is so hilarious. “I’ll sit down with Mike Wallace and-“… Nilla, what are you talking about? Don’t talk about going on 60 minutes like that’s the gold standard for “coming clean” and being “transparent” about your bullshit. Your fellow Texan Dubyah has been on 60 Minutes numerous times and he’s probably the most insincere cat in the entire free world. Sitting down with Mike Wallace isn’t macho, it’s Bush league. It’s one step above Larry Shoulder Blades King’s dog and pony show. If you want to take this head-on, call a press conference and take all comers with all their questions.

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Rog, I’m going to hip you to a little secret, WE ALL KNOW YOU DID ‘ROIDS. Everyone has always known it. First, look at the size of your dome. Sure you played for the Evil Empire, but that doesn’t mean you need to look like Lord Helmet from Spaceballs, ok?

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And unless you’ve got a time machine that none of us know about, we all can safely assume that the aging process hasn’t up and decided to run in reverse for you and you alone. You’re the only pitcher who actually got Better, Bigger, Fasterrr, Strongerrrrrrrrrr as you aged AND your boy Andy P. admitted that he juiced. We know you did it, just admit it. Hell, even Curt Schilling expressed doubt about whether you did it…well, Curt is almost as much as an asshole as you are, so I’ll actually put that in the “one for Roger” column, because anything that cat says can’t be taken too seriously, after all, he did hit his own sock with that ketchup back in ’04.

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It will be alright if you just admit it. I mean, come on, this is such a joke.

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Rocket maaaaaaaan, just come clean. Relax, you’ll still get into the Hall. You’re a white folk hero right along side Brett Favre, Larry Bird, Ronald Reagan and Elvis. None of you guys can do any wrong in the eyes of most of these slugs out here. Just admit it, move on and it will be all good. Doing what you’re doing now, you’re just making it worse for yourself. Hey Rog, I must ax you do you still:

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Now that you came out with this definitive denial, you’re just going to give the story legs. Now you’ll have cats out there, both credible and suspect, looking for a piece of you for a little fame. And truth be told, even a bullshit corroboration of what everyone already believes would fry your ‘Roid ragin, spazzin’ ass. Why are you doing this? Why don’t you ask Mike Piazza if he thinks you were on the Juice when you threw that bat at him.

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– Lake