Posts Tagged ‘Mini Me and Girlfriend’

More From Mini Me’s Hizzie

July 8, 2008

This has to be the most ridiculous “story” I’ve ever blogged about. I mean, just look at this picture below and tell me who is zooming who?

is it just me or does Mini look like he’s crying out for help here? Sheeit, the cat looks like he’s being held captive by those wild Colombian FARC mofo’s or something, only he’s being held so that he can provide this bottom feeding broad with an extra Cheddar biscuit at Red Lobster.

And no this cat doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but he just looks funny and best I can tell, he doesn’t get this whole Mini Me sex tape thing either… lol

Shit, you’d be crying out for help too if you had a low class hizzoe trying to stick you for your very limited and slow coming loot cakes. Jeez. And she kisses and tells too. Peep what she had to say about their “sex life.”

“So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size. I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”

Ha, I’m not sure why these cats are so interested in this hizzoe and Verne “Mini Me” Troyer, but I think his face and that message say it best here. Don’t you? ha

Dude, doesn’t this broad have some shred of self respect?

Ok, bad question, but doesn’t she at least have a family that she’s accountable to? Like how does it come to this point. The point when you’re admitting that you’re banging out a extra small sized midget that can barely walk.

Go Blue? Jeez… Mini Me in that Michigan hat is so appropriate for those boys in blue up north…. Someone, anyone, help. Look on the bright side, at least Lloyd Carr is gone.

Exactly.

– Lake

Not the Sex Tape I Was Hoping For

June 26, 2008

I’ve been out of pocket and completely off key as I’ve been preparing to leave Boston. Yep, I know, I know, I’m getting tired of all those Championships. Don’t get too cute with it, I’m really only partial to the Red Sox at this point. Anyway, I’ve been knee deep in movers, cleaners, rental agreements, management contracts and of course, going away partying so I’ve been a bit MIA on the UvT front. It’s all good though, Brock has been holding it down. And yes, I can work a middle tier sammich, some creamed spinach, a coke and a fine German automobile all at once, even with a hungry bulldog riding shotgun 8 inches away. Come on now. I’m 1/4 German on my sister’s side.

I can drive the whip with my mind at this point, so you know when I roll out with my knee at the controls it’s all good. But anyway, I just haven’t really been in a position to write, in fact, I’m really bullshitting right now and shouldn’t even be doing this, but I just had to send a shout out in the negative to the Sex Tape gods. I mean, I asked for that good Jessica Biel Sex Tape, hell, even that R. Kelly, “I guess she wasn’t underage remix” Sex Tape. Or how about that Pre and Post “Gelly Butt” Lola Luv Sex Tape double play joint? But the gods didn’t give me that did they, no, they offer Lakey the Mini Me Sex Tape instead. Curses! Lol.

Holy shit! Haaaaaaaa. Come on man. I mean, first off, what is ole Verne Troyer trying to prove in this shot with that tongue extension? Head looking like an oil well pump. I’ll just leave it at that. And we all know that I’m the King of Reality TV, so you know I watched the Surreal Life with Verne aka Mini me. Dude couldn’t even walk on the show, so how in the hell is he going to knock down a full sized woman?

And let’s focus on that woman for a second.

I can see banging out a cat because he’s a gimmicky “movie star”. I mean, let’s face it, some of yall let dudes hit for far less. I knew a cat who faithfully tagged based on an employer issued unlimited subway pass. I don’t know, maybe she’s money hungry or maybe she’s a fame seeker. Who knows, maybe she’s just a freak. But you cannot let Mini Me break out his Mini He and lay the lumber to you on tape!!! You just can’t do it. I think I mean, that was one of those lost commandments within the original ten. “Thou Shalt Not Ever…Neva, eva, eva, evaaaaaaaah, have sexeth with a Minus Me and let thine freak nastiness see the light of day I so graciously provided unto you”.. Right? I mean, you can’t do it. I literally can’t be done. Terrible. And by terrible, I mean I’ll have the link for you as soon as I get it. More later.

Shouts to Kir, second nominee for UvT Woman of the Year.

– Lake