Posts Tagged ‘Mel B’

And Now For Something New…Man Up Monday

March 10, 2008

It feels so good when inspiration strikes. When you sit straight up in the middle of the night, mind racing because you have an idea, something that can help people, something that can change the world…

Here at Us Versus Them, we are ready to give back. We are ready to use our power to touch people, to improve this great nation and the world. How will we do it? Man Up Monday. Our first project?

Mario.

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Well damn…where do I start? The silky shirt? The high pants? Those slippery looking shoes? The fact that it looks like his head was photoshopped on to his neck? All that glitter, or magma, or sparkles or whatever the hell that is in the background?

Let’s start here. You can’t go by one name when your name is so damn common. You have to have something unique like Madonna, like Beyonce, even Usher. When I say “Mario”, I’m thinking there is about a 0% chance that the first person you think of is this dude. If you like to eat you probably think of this guy, or if like gay comedians, this guy. The other 90% of the world thinks of this guy:

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Anyway, black, skinny Mario is on dancing with the stars. As long as he doesn’t start highstepping and sliding like Jerry Rice he may leave this experience with some part of his pride intact. Look, I can’t hate too hard, check out his lady.

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Cute, huh? Well, Brock knows her from back in the day. Back when she was just a young model trying to make it, butt naked riding bikes. Here’s a tame version, I’m sure you can find worse (better?).

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Anyway, unlike last season, when Mel B brought me out of the woodwork to at least get a feel for the show, I will not be catching a single solitary second of Dancing With the Stars this year.

Mario…Man Up!

-Brock

====================Update=========================

Uh, Brock. Now, I won’t come out here and disagree with you directly, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say that when a man is hitting this:

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(This babe is alike a doper Alicia Keyes.. yikes)

You can call him Cleetus for all I care… I mean, hot dammit, that’s his lady? Shit, maybe this “going hard thing” hasn’t been working for me. I’m a star, loyal reader KIR in NV told me so. Maybe I need to be on dancing with the stars, get me some Ricca love.

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WOW. Man up player? Seems to me he’s got that thing sufficiently covered where it matters, don’t ya think? Damn a man up, if I don’t stop looking at this babe you’re gonna have to come into my office with some smelling salts because it’s about be “Man Down Monday”… That little tan dress up top wasn’t telling the whole truth. Keepin it real..

– Lake

What is Half of Half of Half?

January 3, 2008

Because that is what Tracy Edmonds will be getting from Eddie long about 2013. Eddie and Tracy were married this past weekend.

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Damn, he looks happy now, but you know this isn’t gonna work out, right?  Everybody has a boy like Eddie.  You know, a cat that just can’t get along without a girl on his arm.  Eddie just takes it further than the rest.  I mean, check this timeline.  Eddie just got divorced in April of 2006 after sixteen years and four kids from his wife Nicole.

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Now Nicole always had body, especially after four kids, and I know she was supposedly some kind of a model, but that grill-piece was always kinda suspect to me.  She’s all angles.  Right now, the angle she’s working is juicing Eddie for alimony and child support while kicking it with Michael “good for getting jacked for his loot” Strahan.

So Eddie gets the divorce finalized and gets married to Tracey a year and a half later.  All by itself that is a little aggressive.  Let’s not forget this little fact though.

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I see you Ed-diiiiiieeee.  Nice one.  Yeah, somewhere in the last year and a half Eddie got with, impregnated, broke up with, had a baby with, said “It wadden’t me”, failed a paternity test (unlike this guy), and ignored Mel B and his child.  Eddie must have that Holyfield level fertility.

So let’s get the math right.  Eddie has to cover Nicole and the four kids.  Mel B is sure to get some child support any day now, and now he is married to Tracey…who has two kids from Babyface.

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I wonder if she left him over that shirt.  If she didn’t, she should have.  Let’s not forget that Babyface cheated on Tracey back in the day and had to write “Never Keeping Secrets” to get her back.  Hot make up song though.

Back to Eddie.  Homey, how are you going to support all of these people?

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Damn man, I don’t know either.  That questionable look in Eddie’s eye reminds me, Eddie has had some issues in his past.  You can definitely get a line on his type of woman.  Nicole, Mel, Tracey…all light skinned, tall, stay in the limelight and around famous men.  I see your game Eddie.  But there are a few others:

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Michael Jackson has tall and light skinned covered.  Hmmmmmmm.  This picture is my evidence that something ain’t right.  Let me tell you something, if Jacko ever got that close to me…that cat is getting straight punched in the chin implant.  Then there is this:

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That young lady…errrrrrrrr…dude is the tranny that Eddie just wanted to give a ride out of West Hollywood a few years ago.  Let me get my checklist:

Light skinned: check

Tall: check

Like rich, famous people: got with Eddie – check.

Yeah, Eddie was trying to give her a ride all right.

So Tracey, a piece of advice.  Don’t go anywhere close to Eddie’s junk unless you are ready to join Halle Berry, Christina Aguilera, and Jessica Alba in pregnancy.  When Eddie starts trippin’ in 2013, take it from Umfufu.  Get your half.

Half of whatever is left that is.

-Brock

Mel B: In Case You Forgot

December 8, 2007

She still just had a baby. And yes, she is still bad as hell.

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Man, that “Dancing with the Stars” diet is real. I asked one of the interns to get me a close up view.

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Damn. It is tight up close too. Nice work. I know there have been rumors, but this is the best evidence I’ve ever seen that would cause me to question Eddie Murphy’s sexuality.

I don’t know why UPS keeps asking the question, I know exactly what (Mel) Brown can do for me.

-Brock