Posts Tagged ‘Megan Ohai’

Thick White Woman Alert: USC Soccer Star Megan Ohai

July 29, 2008

All I know is that somebody needs to check the post count ‘for he be talking about Lake falling down on the job. Hey, Lake don’t blog unless it’s for a worthy cause. I aint been inspired, so like Oran Juice Jones, “Instead I chilled“. Ya dig? But bumping around the net today, I saw something that did catch my eye. Dats right, another thick white woman gone public. Meet Megan Ohai, an All-American soccer star from Utah (they got thickness in Utah?) who now makes her home at USC:

Pedestrian you say? “Yeah, so what” you quip? Sure, but have you familiarized yourself with angle 2?

And in case you’re wondering, I’m not talking about the emaciated zebra on the left. Nah, we’re hunting big game at usversusthem. And what I love about this chick is that she reminds me so much of babes I grew up with. You know the ones. Back in the day they were dissed for being “boxy” or “bulky”. Basically they were dissed for being that softball girl we all knew.

That’s right, I don’t buy that the new white girl ass is really all that new. Nah, it’s just out, exposed and celebrated now for all to see. Remember our Cheerleader friend from Indiana University (NSFW and ALL)?

One version of the previously underground thick white chick was this same highly coordinated and athletic type who had to do everything she could to keep that fat and unappreciated ass out of harms way lest she be tormented and persecuted for her beneath(s). Consequently, dat ass had to go stealth with a series of button ups, long tees and sweaters. It was hidden, along with the advanced thigh, so that the closest you ever got to seeing the goods was this:

Uh huh. See the KFC thigh? See the arched up back piece and the nebulous wonder twins activating up under the hook? See, if you can’t see it, it’s because you just don’t have an eye for it. I know, I was once like you. I couldn’t appreciate it. I had to have it spelled out for me. But now I see a pic like the one above, engage my Lake-Ray vision and see all the possibilities, namely:

Hello! Hot dammit and yes you do have to take away a quarter point for the excessive lean, but hey, it’s all good. And you know what really hilarious about this pic? Look at ole zebra trying to pull her ass out like she’s sittin on them thangs, poor thing. I think Weezy said it best in A Milli:

You’re like a (chick) with no ass, you aint got shit!

And that bemused look on her face, that’s what happens when you realize that a revolution has started up, but you’re not on board. It’s the same face Ole Mayne McCain had when President Obama was rocking the house in Berlin (incidentally, if cats in Germany have Obama-mania, given their wild history, don’t you pretty much think it’s a wrap for John Boy?).

It’s the look of defeat. She knows she can’t compete. Oh and I know what the true connoisseurs of the lady are thinking, “Ok, she’s got the arse, but what about the rest of her, I mean, I can live with a semi butterface, after all we all have at one point or another, but what about the front Lake, wuz up with THAT?”… I got you homies. But I must say, my findings are mixed. Here we have skrong athletic belly.

Which is very cool, by the way, ole Petra Cotton tail over there looks kinda cute, but that outfit looks like a Spencer’s gifts special, ok? Just terrible dude. But then once you go to that angle 1.5, it starts to get a lil dicey for young Meg.

I know, I know, I just don’t know women’s bodies and every woman has that little pooch. Maybe, but how can I discern the pooch from the suck in?

I own know. I suspect we just caught her in the off season, because this shot right ‘chere is juuust about right if you account for thick white woman arse credentials and a KFC bloodline on them legs:

And I do repeat, if you’re not working but with one thang below the waist, you’re just not living your life right guys. Trust me, you gotta learn to work a chick like this. Now see, I bet some dude named ‘Kirk’ is bullshittin on this babe right now. Cat aint touched a thigh, has yet to tenderize that rump…I mean, just has no clue.

How do I know that, because I was once that way. Us white dudes, we keep it old school until someone shows us the light. It’s pretty basic. You start at the J, then you let her focus on you, then you just go straight in for the smash.

It’s a damn shame too. Now that I’m an old school player, I’d be firing up the Kingsford on some slow roast with this babe. You can’t let that fire burn too hot, gotta let it marinate my nillaz. Don’t worry, stick with me, I’ll learn ya.

– Lake