Posts Tagged ‘Los Angeles Lakers’

A Very Special UvT Message: NBA Finals Edition

June 17, 2008

As basketball season comes to a close and “the drought” aka the only damn thing on is baseball season begins it is time for us to reflect on the NBA. Now last year I was always asking “Why are you still in the league?”, but the NBA Finals are a special time. Then NBA finals produce two kinds of players. Legends of the game who go down in the annals of history…

…and muthafuckas that don’t deserve a ring.

For every Michael Jordan, there is a Jason Caffey. For every Kobe and Shaq, there is a Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen.

See that muthafucka knows he did not deserve that ring.

This year we have Scot Pollard.

That is why the Celtics can’t win. That muthafucka there is gets more than “Why the hell are you still in the league? He gets a full on That muthafucka. Does not. Deserve. A ring.

There it is. Celtics can’t win.

I’m just sayin’

-Brock

———–UPDATE—————–

OK.  So the Celtics won.  Did anyone notice that this asshole Scot Pollard changed into uniform at halftime?  What a dick.  I guess he wanted to make it look like he actually had something to do with the win.

Scot, the last game you played was in February…and it was only for 7 minutes.  You were declared out for the season on March 5th.  You had street clothes on in the first half.  What was it like to be in the locker room up by twenty and say…hmmm…we’re about to get the chip.  Maybe I should look like an actual player.  You can sleep with that?

-Brock

UvT Sports: Does Anyone Still Play in the East?

February 28, 2008

Well Damn, the NBA trade deadline was on its way and people in the West lost their damn mind.  Seriously, I haven’t seen people re-up this hard since Avon Barksdale had those packets dropping out of the windows of Baltimore.  It all started when Pau Gasol got traded to the surprisingly decent Lakers. When Bynum comes back, they are going to give people matchup fits. Bynum, Odom and Gasol on the frontline with Kobe in the backcourt? Three cats who are above 6’9″? Two of which can handle the rock from anywhere?

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I don’t know if they can hold it together over a 7 game series, but damn, they’re gonna be tough.

Well I guess that raised some questions in everyone else’s mind also. Because the Phoenix Suns went on ahead and got big Shaq Diesel, The Mavericks picked up Jason Kidd, the hornets picked up Bonzi Wells, and the Spurs picked up Kurt Thomas. Kurt Thomas? Sounds boring, but someone needs to use up their fouls on Shaq, Pau, Dirk and all those other beasts in the West.

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Like my man young aRa Chay in ATL says, Shaq just doesn’t look right in that Suns uniform.  I’d rather see him in the old school Orlando pimp stripes again.

Meanwhile in the East, the Pistons picked up Juan Dixon? Seriously? I guess when 60% of your starting lineup is on the All-Star team, you don’t need much help, but damn Joe Dumars, you can come stronger than that. Okay, in the East the big news is that the Cavs picked up Ben Wallace, Joe Smith (didn’t we ask why the hell he was still in the league last season?) Wally freaking Szerbiak and Delonte West. Fine, Delonte West isn’t that exciting, but that ought to balance out the Cavs nicely. The Bulls basically get Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes..which is swahili for “the opportunity to start scrapping and rebuilding their team right now”. (By the way, why the hell aren’t they good with Heinrich, Deng, Gordon and Duhon again?) And the Sonics got their hands on as many expiring contracts as they could.  Great, that will fill the seats, I’m sure Kevin Durant is really happy about that.  Kevin, how do you feel about that trade?

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Yeah, I feel you bro.

All I know is that I’m scared to hook my NBA Live 2008 to the internet now, I don’t know who plays any damn where right now. By the way, why don’t they ask if I actually want to update my roster? I remember the good old days when I can fire up my old ass version of NBA Live and know that when I fire up the ’96 Bulls, I know exactly what I’m getting. On PS3, I loaded up the Boston Celtics on the wrong date and I had no KG, Big Baby Davis wasn’t on the already short bench, and there were about three backups to choose from. That’s not fun. I don’t want to be a GM, in fact, I don’t even want to have to manage fatigue, I want to grab starters like it is a damn all star game and go from there. I don’t want to watch the Pistons bench play basketball, and I damn sure don’t want to play with them on the video game I own. That shit is my property, it needs to go ahead and cater to my needs.  In fact, I want to play with a cross league, time warp version of the all star team. You know 2007 Kobe, 2001 Shaq, 2004 Kevin Garnett, 2006 Steve Nash, and a non back injury 2003 Tracy McGrady. Nasty squad right?

Phoenix actually looks nasty with Shaq hustling when he is in the game, but how long can that actually last? Dallas should be decent too. The Lakers should actually be able to make noise and go deep into the playoffs.  Oh yeah, and the Spurs are still the Spurs.  Out East the Pistons, Cavs and Celtics should be the front runners by a long shot.

-Brock

Lakers rock the throwback shawt shorts

December 31, 2007

This is what Kevin Garnett looked like during Sunday’s game.

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But it wasn’t because of a blow he sustained to the dome. Oh no, his eyes started bleeding like this as soon as the Lakers took off the warm up sweats and headed to center court for the opening tip!

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And can you blame him? And though I thought nothing could EVER top those shorts, look at homeys footers? I mean, WTF is that?!?!!!! I never though it until now, but the Lakes may need to consider a colors change…either that or just bold them joints up some. Goodness.

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“Now I aint gonna tell you again, stop rubbin’ up all close to me on those screens.”

Hot dammit, in case you didn’t hear, the Lakers went with the Kurt Rambis throwback uniforms for their game against the Boston Celtics on Sunday. Now normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but this time they rocked the old school shawt shorts too! Whooo wee, it wasn’t pretty.

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Damn. John Stockton and Jeff Hornacek would be proud. You know there’s something wrong when the caption legitimately reads “more thigh than KFC ” and we’re talking about Derek Fisher.

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I hate that Luke Walter looks completely normal in those shorts… By the way, how did Luke ever get into the league in the first place? Arrggh.. That’s more of Andrew Bynum than I needed to see. I do appreciate how Lamar Odom tried to meet up half way and high sock his way to respectability though. Dude, this is ridiculous. What’s next, will all our pop culture icons just lose their minds?

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Muthafucka….Woman, where’s my eggnog err Sham-Pag-Nee!

-Lake

Phil Jackson violates rule #1

November 15, 2007

NBA representatives have given Chief Big Triangle aka Los Angeles Lakers Coach Phil Jackson a talking to regarding an inappropriate comment he made following Tuesday night’s game in San Antonio.

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The Spurs made 13 threes in their 107-92 victory and Phillip was asked if too much penetration was leading to good outside looks by San Antonio.

“We call this a Brokeback Mountain game, because there’s so much penetration and kickouts,” Jackson said. “It was one of those games.”

What?! Classic. You think Phil would want to have that one back? I wonder what other Brokeback Basketball games would look like?

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I’m comfortable. Phil is a piece of work. He’s the most overrated coach in the history of sports. Dude only wins when he’s got the best team and he sucks when he doesn’t. Meanwhile, he just sits on the bench, folds his arms, sells his players out in his books, foolishly antagonizes Kobe Bryant and then goes home and smokes up a whole pound Canadian grown of hippie lettuce with the owner’s daughter. Great. And what about Brokeback Mountain? You think Jake G. would like edit himself out of that role?

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I’ll never look at that cat’s smiling face and see anything other than gay.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Terrible.

– Lake