Posts Tagged ‘Lindsay Lohan cocaine’

Say what you want, I still Like Lindsay

May 6, 2008

I’m a big Lindsay Lohan fan. I mean, the nose candy, that freckled-out skin, the J game, the rotating hair color, that alleged super healthy sex drive, that J game….

Oh yes, Lindsay is alright with me. I just want to get my party on with her. You know the babe knows how to have a good time. Anyway, I just read that Lindsay is going to be on Ugly Betty, a show I’ve never watched, primarily because of the name. I mean, why in the hell would I want to deal with some chick that’s ugly and it aint like “Betty” is some hot sexy ass name to begin with, so you know the babe aint right. Now, if it were Ugly Tatiana or Ugly Ava, that might be just the kind of play on words that gets a nilla’s juices flowing. But I’m fairly certain that Ugly Betty is just, well, ugly or “pretty for being ugly,” yall know how women like to do that. Just like Aaliyah was ugly for being pretty, until she was just pretty or as many of you ladies said, “just ok” or “not that pretty” whatever that means..haters. Anyway, I guess the show is about some teenager and Ms. Lo-han is getting started early with this cheerleader meets terrible prom dress inspired dress.

I’m not so sure about that one and don’t tell me that the poof dress is “in” for this season either. Anyway, Lohan is back to blond and I like it.

Ahh, that vacant look that I enjoy so much. And no I won’t be watching Ms. Lohan on this Busted Betty season finale either. Why would I watch her there when I can just watch her right here.

– Lake

Is Lindsay Lohan thick or not?

April 2, 2008

You probably remember that I referred to Lindsay Lohan as a “Thick White Woman” oh about three weeks back and immediately the boo birds came out complaining. Well, we huddled up in here at Castle Greyskull aka UvT headquarters, put it in the lab and came up with this finding:

uvt-review.jpg

After further review of dat azz and dem thighs, the call on the blog has been REVERSED as Ms. Lohan does NOT, I repeat, does NOT have the requisite thickness to be deemed a ‘Thick White Woman’ .

218865816_6b1576d93f_o.jpg

It’s ok Linds, I was shocked too. Here’s why you got dinged though:

20080331-lohan_ass_shot2.jpg

Damn, now I know how Randy Jackson really feels when he gets that bad song choice or maybe just ok for him kind of effort.

randy-jackson.jpg

Quite frankly, I expected better. But unfortunately, this type of side angle with the black tights never lies. For all the kids at home, drugs lie, this angle doesn’t. It simply tells the entire tragic story. See, with a standard issue thick, semi thick or even surprisingly strong chick, these wild leggings would truly set the party off with a bang and you’d see it starting at the middle calf. This shot just leaves us wondering “where the fuck it baybay and why didn’t she take her kids with her,” ya know? Intern, give me a blow up on Camera 2.

20080331-lohan_ass_shot.jpg

Yeah, oh, well, see that’s what I’m talking about. Sure, there’s a little punchiness there on the backflex, but that’s not enough thunder to get you to that next level. In fact, she’s not even making it precipitate here, while I’m looking for her to make it thunderstorm. And while the world needs sun, Lake needs fun, so this just aint gonna cut it. So it’s official, I renounce dat ass and relegate it to the land of pancakes, flapjacks and Rihanna on most days and nights.

simon-cowell.jpg

Hard for me to admit it, but I still have high hopes for her better half. Oh yes, that’s right, on the same investigative inquiry, her breasts were found to be everything we and Dennis Green thought they were: Stupendous.

lindsay-lohan-nude-3-uvtblog-j-game.jpg

Thus, they’ll keep their rating of “Utterly Stupid” until she has to get them recertified in 12 weeks time.

lindsay_lohan_tig_bikini_n_2_big.jpg

Anyway, it’s settled now. You haters errr keen observers win this one. Lindsay’s arse does not warrant the “thick” moniker and will not be referred to as such no mo’. And just so we all understand, THIS is a thick white woman.

jade_2.jpg

No need to lay it on too strong, but I just had to quickly illustrate the point. I’m still a Lindsay fan, but it’s getting harder and harder to call her UvT quality. I don’t know. She’s going to have to work hard for me in the balance of 2008. Summer is coming so I’m confident that she’ll lace me with some new top down chrome spinning joints or maybe a sex tape for my birthday? We’ll see.

-Lake