Posts Tagged ‘Kenny Wright’

Running in the Cuffs: Stupid Criminal Watch

April 9, 2008

This is a great one. Apparently Cleveland Browns player Kenny Wright was arrested a few days ago for marijuana possession.

He had 1.875 ounces on him. The UvT weed heads can let me know whether that counts as personal possession or possession with intent to distribute. Back in the day Nate Newton made it clear, he had a van full of bricks, 213 pounds worth, Kenny just wanted to get his smoke on.

So here is where the story gets good. The cops arrest him, he’s heading to the station, for some inexplicable reason he is in freaking Pearland, Texas. Standard stuff, right. He’ll get booked, may spend a night in the drunk tank, people will see the story and think he’s a Bengal instead of a Brown, then he will end up back in Pearland about three months from now and made to do some community service and pay a fine. Case closed right? Naaaaaaah. So here’s what Kenny decides to do. He decides to break out his defensive back skeeeels and MAKE A RUN FOR IT AT THE POLICE STATION.

Well, I guess you should throw deep on the Browns next season because old Kenny got run down by Pearland’s finest within a quarter mile. That means that he also gets to add unlawful restraint and evading arrest to the rapsheet. Look, one of my boys tried to run in the cuffs a few years ago. That raises all kinds of other questions, like:

1: Where the hell do you think you’re going?

2: How were you going to get the handcuffs off?

3: Do you really think you can outrun trained cops with your hands bound behind your back?

4: You are an NFL player…they already have your name and information…you think they don’t know where to find you? I think Ohio’s extradition laws to Texas are pretty sound. See question #1.

I’ve already covered enough to make this a Us Versus Them classic. But that’s not all. Check my mans mugshot.

Well damn, I guess he did get picked up for weed charges. Let’s go ahead and excuse that turrible ass damn low cut, cleavage errr clavicle bearing G-G-G-G-G-Unit grey beater this dude is has on. Let’s also excuse the fact that his tattoo makes him look like he got a chest hair shape up with a high left, low right. This dude is tweeeeeded out. I thought the herb was supposed to calm you down? Why is this dude running for the hills like he’s hopped up on Red Bull, speed, caffeine, and Mountain Dew?

Great job Kenny.

-Brock