Posts Tagged ‘John McCain’

Fox News Turns on the Republican Party!

September 2, 2008

Remember this piece of analysis critical to defending the American people against a massive conspiracy?

Well, they’ve finally turned their brand of sharp analysis on the Republican Party to reveal this bombshell about McCain and Palin.


Damn.  Are the interns drunk down there?  We need to sharpen up the UvT Photoshop department.  Then we really could be like Fox News.


Man Up Monday (Tuesday Edition): The Republican Party

September 2, 2008

My man Lake is the political one, so I’m sure he’s going to be working over Governor Palin any moment now.  So the Dems just came off of a successful convention, Hillary finally gave a speech where she she actually acknowledged that she is not longer going to be President of the United States, Bill Clinton did his thing, and Joe Biden was put through his paces.

It went well, and this week was supposed to show the Republican party right after so the American people can really see the differences between the parties.  Wellllllll.  Things aren’t exactly going as planned.  First, McCain cut the analysis of Barack Obama’s speech short by announcing his VP Candidate.  Now I had been working on my Mormon jokes all week and I know CNN had their debate clip package spliced up just right, but the ol maverick hit everyone with a curveball.

Sarah Palin?  Really?  Who is she?  No really, who is she?  Because of this wild choice, the word of the week in now “vetting”.  First, the Republicans asked George Bush what it meant, and he said “Vettin?  Ain’t that where you poke on them animals, and fix em up?”

Good one chief.  You’re an idiot.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.

Anyway, the Republicans must think vetting is derived from the military policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell” because they apparently didn’t run this decision by any damn body.  OK?  I mean I vet my appitezer and dinner order with the table harder than they worked this decision around the circuit.  I mean damn, can it get worse?

Yes, Yes it can.

Not that underage sex and teen pregnancy.  Nice.  Those are family values at work.

Then they get to deal with this during their party convention.

Talk about raiiiieeeeaaaaiin on your wedding day.  Isn’t it ironic?  Don’t ya think?

That just sucks right there.  Especially since Bush and Brownie realllllly got that one wrong last time.

Even George Bush, sole possessor of the title of worst approval ratings ever can’t take it.

So Republicans.  You’re starting to look desperate.  Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton, ok?  Repeating things over and over does not make them true or any more convincing.  Also, until you solve the circular argument of: Barack Obama is not experienced enough to be President; Sarah Palin has the same qualifications as Barack Obama; Sarah Palin is ready to be Commander in Chief, I don’t want to hear anything else from you.

I’m sure you have something in the ol Republican handbook that still holds water.  Roll that puppy out and ride it into Friday.  Just believe in yourself.  Man Up!


Super Tuesday Update

February 5, 2008


Super Tuesday is in full effect and as predicted, the Democrats are in a full on slugfest.  Right now Obama has Illinois, Georgia, Delaware, Alabama and is looking strong in North Dakota of all places.  Clinton is projected to win New York, Jersey, Arkansas, Massachusetts, Oklahoma and Tennessee.  But with delegates being split by percentage, the delegate count is going to stay close.


On the Republican side the big surprise is Huckabee is winning the Bible belt.  Bama, Arkansas, and West Virginia are already in his pocket.  This dude just said that he is going to pin a “going out of business” sign on the IRS.  I mean he goes hard.  Tim Russert said that he wants to show John McCain that he would be a great VP because he is “doing the Lords work” in the south.


I guess Guns, Jesus, and no taxes still plays in the Dirty South.  McCain sill still have a commanding lead when all is said and done, but Huckabee is certainly an interesting foil for a man who they say isn’t conservative enough.  Meanwhile, this man Romney is becoming irrelevant very quickly.  Tough.

How the hell do they make these projection calls anyway.  Especially five minutes after the polls close?  Then in other races, like Connecticut where Obama was up 75% early they hold off on making the call.

I still think Obama has it, we will see what happens in California.


If you smeeeeelllllllllll la la la la la ooooowwww, what Barack….is cookin’.


Super Tuesday

February 5, 2008

So Super Tuesday is finally here and by tomorrow morning (or 3am EST) we will know a little bit more about how things shake out. 


McCain should have the Republican nomination virtually locked up by tomorrow and Obama and Clinton will most likely…be in about the same place they are right now.  Republicans have a lot of “all or nothing” states where second place gets you as many delegates as Lake is going to get today…none.  Dems distribute delegates according to percentage in most places so it could still be a dead heat at the end of today.  Bill Richardson and John Edwardsare still waiting in the wings to be VP, so neither of them made any endorsement moves today.  Edwards called himself an agent for change, but he also knows that both Hillary and Barack may need a good old fashioned White Male to help sway the group of people who may break out into a cold sweat when the actually need to pull the trigger to vote for either a Black man or a woman for president.  Plus, at age 54, he sure would like to make another run for President at age 62 in 2016 after people get used to seeing him on the world stage for eight years.

Anyway, lets take a quick peek at what the candidates are doing today.


Barack is feeling like Superman this morning with his poll numbers up across the country.  I think he can really pull it off, he’s got music videos, Mrs. Terminatorcame out to support, even Oprah is using her mind control over white women to help Barack.


He’s looking a whole lot better than Rudy Giuliani did when he thought he came up with his “Super” Strategy.


Hillary is still feeling strong going in to today.  She is in NY, stayed in her own house last night, and voted this morning.  I wonder if she and Bill have discussed titles.  If she wins will he be the First Man?  The First Gentleman?  Hmmmm.


I hope the Democrats figure it out soon.  Any moment now the GOP political engine is going to start to pick up steam and try to drive the stake in the Dems heart all on the back of this guy:


Arrrrrgh, the looks like a damn pirate.  Now see, a look like that absolutely killed Howard Dean last time.  Yaaaaaaahhh!

You know who is really going to have the time of his life tonight?


Tim Russert.  I mean this guy absolutely loves it.  He breaks out the whiteboard, he starts counting delegates. This is his prep run for November.  Hopefully they’ve upgraded his technology a bit for 2008.  I’d hate to see him break out the dry erase markers again.

If you are in one of the 24 states that are in play today, go vote!

Us Versus Them officially endorses Barack Obama in 2008.  I think he really is something different for America.  It would send a great message to the world and I think his moral compass is pointing in the right direction.


Hillary strikes back & Mitt who?

January 9, 2008

You just knew young Hilly had more fight in her than to just lay down and let Barack run all over her twice in a row.


No, question, Hillary won a hard-fought victory in New Hampshire, but she had to pull out all the stops with Bill in corner.


Honey had to go sensitive.


Then she relied on Billy C, a dude I actually like a lot, to get gangsta with it as he attacked Barack Obama’s message as a “fairy tale.”


Hmm… It’s tough. I own know. We shall see. On to South Carolina to see whether Black voters will turn out for Barack or follow their pastors to the ballot box for Hillary and big machine Democratic politics. Interesting stuff.

Oh yeah, then there is the Ken Doll Mitt Romney. He lost again and John Mac won. I know, I know, you’re just waiting for that Utah primary.


Mitt, you lost in Iowa AND New Hampshire despite spending the most money of all the candidates. Do me a favor, suck less.

– Lake