Posts Tagged ‘Jessica Simpson Kidney Infection’

Love Letter to Jessica Simpson

April 4, 2008

Jess-Jess,

I know you just got out of the hospital with that “kidney infection“, and I just want to say I’m sorry baby. You told me. You told me you’d never been with a black man before. You told me that Tony Romo only goes deep on the football field. I should have paid attention. You are a lot shorter than you look on TV, I didn’t know I’d rearrange your internal organs.

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This is how I’ll always remember you sugarbear.

You came by the crib, I threw on the Jodeci, lit the finest candles, lit my old school incense, broke out the essential oils that I bought from the brother next to the train station…I think it was “Black Love”, and went to work. Hey, I don’t know what was going on with Nick Lachey but brothers don’t get into all that wild stuff. Look, I’ve kept the ladies in my life happy with three positions: Hit it. Hit it from the back. And hit it hard from the back. Haaaaa. My bad, I didn’t mean to laugh Jessie, I know you’re still in pain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s your fault baby, but I’d never done a reverse cowgirl Abraham Lincoln double blumpkin donkey punch wheelbarrow before.  But that’s what you like…so I was down.

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Now I know, the knees stay below the hips. My bad.

The whole kidney infection was a great cover up. It will be our little secret.

Love,

– Brock

P.S. Tell T.O. to stop calling me. I know it’s unfurr. I know Romo is his teammate. That Romo is his quarterback. Just stop.