Posts Tagged ‘Jenna Jameson and Aubrey O’Day’

MTB4 – Episode 4, Aubrey v. Donnie

February 19, 2008

We didn’t do a post on Episode 3 because it was basically garbage and Lake don’t have the time for substandard programming, ok MTV? Nuff said.

I don’t know, I guess after that great Bitchassness Episode, anything would have been a letdown. So I watched the show, everything is going well…yeah yeah, the guys aren’t singing well, etc. Then they launch into this Donnie and Aubrey showmance, which is cool with me as long as the writers errrr two young love birds handle it right.

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My first thought watching the whole thing was that Donnie really just needs more game. I know he’s young, but homey needs to learn how to set the agenda with these babes rather than even allow a low chick like Aubrey to create any semblance of expectations on “how she will be treated.” With most chicks this kind of analysis wouldn’t be necessary, but after watching this episode, it’s pretty clear that Aubrey is both crazy and delusional.

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Now, delusional we can handle, it just means some name calling and badmouthing from her after he’s done hitting and quitting dat ass. But the crazy is a whole different thing all together. Anyway, on to the episode:

Topic 1 – Someone remind me if these cats can actually sing

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Honestly, the hot thing about these guys when they started was that you just knew they were crazy talented with plenty of juice and charisma to carry the day. Now I’m sitting here scratching my head wondering what’s wrong with these dudes? I mean, I was on my way to taking Q off the “Might be Gay” watch list and I’m still committed to do that after he meets some necessary benchmarks and walks to Cooney Island to get me a Chocolate Elair, but it seems like as much as he progresses with Dawn, everything else about this group is just getting more and more random with each episode.

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Just as a side bar, is Big Mike going to show an interest in a woman during the balance of this decade? I’m just wondering. Jeez. What happened to this cat? Back before he was a main cog in the show, now he’s basically just in the diary room running commentary like Lakey the Kang. Mike, get involved son! It’s one thing for these cats to be a bit odd, holler at basically no chicks and show little to no flavor, but what’s the deal with the actual music? If I hear one more Ahnk Ra inspired rendition of “Exclusive” I’m going to kill myself.

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I mean, the least they could do is give us a remix with Dylan from Da Band/Rikers lacing an intro verse.

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“Who da 5 baddest rappar evar alive? Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan and Dylan.”

I don’t care if they perform that shit is Fast, Slow and Medium it’s just beyond stale and completely played at this point and I like that song. First it was that never ending loop of “End of the Road” in season 1 and now this. Even Puff doesn’t get that shit.

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And no, I don’t really get the differences Ankh Ra and Puff are talking about with this “you need to sing with emotion,” ok? That shit pretty much sounds the same to me. Just because a cat makes a crazy face or lifts up his hand in the air, that doesn’t make the song sound better.

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Incidentally, Brian A. has the worst facial expressions in the entire Entertainment biz. Jeez. I’m really starting to not get that cat. And that wild blow up he had at Qwanell with that bitchy “all I know is you aren’t touching me” haaaaa, that was fucking awful, both for how unnecessary Brian’s reaction was given the nature of the conflict and how bitching Q was being. Ha. Now let’s get one thing straight here: when Q said Brian wasn’t going to touch him, it wasn’t because Q was going to actually do something, it was more about those 30 camera and crew members that were standing in the room with them. LOL.

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Man, I don’t know. I like him and all, but this was not a good episode for Q. I mean, just look at this cat’s gear. Lord Jesus, Rochester stand up? Argg!

Topic 2 – Bros before hoes

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Bitchassness was in the air when they taped that show for last night. First these cats sell Robert out to Diddy back in the day, now this. Look at how they handled the Donnie/Aubrey date situation. That whole, “Did yall kiss” and “Dude we kissed” exchange just shows how sensitive these creative types are. I mean, why are dudes sitting around with each other, blushing like some women, asking about what outfit he wore and whether he felt butterflies?! BE MEN!!!

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If Brock came in after hanging out with Aubrey I’d ask him one question, “Did you hit?” and if the answer was no, I’d be asking “How long do you think it will take?” I’d ask that because 1. I’d already know Aubrey is NOT wife material, so that would cut off all discussion of respect and appropriate timing and 2. I’d know, given that she slums it with Kim Kardashian and Jenna Jameson, that she’s a hizzoe and definitely would give up the arse after a salad, bottle of Absolut and three lines of the coke, so what’s taking him so long?

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Can you tell Jenna Jameson and Aubrey apart? To co-opt from Bossip, now I must ask, “Who’s done more bangin’?”

Anyway, I wasn’t pleased when I saw Q’s exercise in immaturity and hateration when he called Dawn and Aubrey down there to see Donnie with ole girl. What the hell was that? Definitely Bitchassness and completely unacceptable. q-is-young.jpg

Q may not be gay, but he’s acting like a young ass kid who isn’t ready. Pretty terrible no matter how you slice it. Sorry Q, but you’re back on the Gay Watch List, with a threat level of Orange.

Topic 3 – Donnie on the Rise

Now I must say, despite his Bitchassness and tomfoolery back at the crib with “the boys,” which sadly is becoming more than just a cute nickname, young Donald started earning back his Lakey Bucks after he double booked the chicks that night.
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Shouts to Dede (left), holla at me baby..

Just a side note about Double Booking. Come on people, everybody double books. It happens. If you’re a dude, it’s a necessary institution. You’ve got the chick you’re interested in for a more legitimate relationship (this should not be Aubrey, but I’ll humor Donnie) that you take to dinner and the chick you feel like you can hit that night that you may or may not be willing to get a towel for after you murked it. Nothing wrong with the double book, in fact, I regularly enjoy it myself.

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Anyway, Donnie showed me a little something with that hot double booking move, but obviously the execution was all wrong. How are you going to be that reckless? Yes, Q screwed you, but so did the tv cameras. The point is you should have never been in that situation to begin with. Donnie is finally showing me something but we’ll need more. If he can fully rebound, knock off Aubrey and then get caught with another woman, his Jedi training will be complete.

Topic 4 – Aubrey v. Donnie

Meanwhile, again in this week in: What the Fuck is Aubrey Talking about?, In the aftermath of this alleged Donnie double date thing, Aubrey starts in about how Donnie isn’t her man (Ding) but that he just got off a date with her and is now on a date with a new babe and that he’s “Playing himself.”

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(Oh, he’s from that part of Long Island.)

No, actually, if anyone is getting played here it would be YOU babygirl. You think Donnie just sits around in NYC without any tail?

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Just because he’s shy and a bit corny doesn’t mean he’s not cutting something up. And by the way, while I agree Aubrey is fairly old for Donnie, why did that “other chick” sitting in the booth look all of 17 years old? Donnie, the younger the better, but keep ’em legal my man (and yes I know 17 is the age of consent in NY….don’t ax why).

Then they moved to Miami and of course the House is hot. Aubrey unsuccessfully tried to square Donnie up. Ahhhh this is where Donald really showed me something.

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I truly appreciated how he went with that patented Lake Arlington reversal move and stood tall on that “I apologize for the way YOU took it” and then refused to legitimately apologize for whatever he did to her.

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Just go ahead and put that “Donnie, if you want to play games like that, you should go and do that with regular girls” talk into Aubrey’s WhatDaFuckIzYouTalkinBout” pile.

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Regular girls? “Chick” pleez. You mean unpretentious, cool women who don’t have the enhanced canz, fake hair, easy bake oven cooked-on face piece and plastic personality? Besides, Donnie is holding the high trump card and Aubrey is hardly dating gold. These “regular girls” in NYC and Miami are better looking, more looted and probably don’t have these silly delusions of grandeur Aubrey rolls with.

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Is it just me or does that shirt look dirty? Come on now. This chick just has no concept for how eligible Donnie is versus how played she’ll be inside of 18 months. Overall, I gotta give Donnie credit for how he handled Aubrey, who clearly was looking for the cat to come crawling back to her. That didn’t happen. Good shit Donnie on that offer to be friends given her crazy and unnecessary roll up on your and ole girl in the restaurant. You can’t give a chick incentive to get aggressive on you, especially when it’s not your lady. And no, that silly line about Aubrey’s “friendship taking time” doesn’t change a thing. When Donnie said “I just want to be friends” what he meant was, “I don’t want to fuck with you beyond friendship because you’re literally not worth the trouble, you’re fired!” LOL. These chicks are hilarious. Aubrey, Donnie aint gonna be chasing you, not for tail, not as a lady and certainly not for your “friendship” unless that “friendship” includes microphone checks in that second floor pool overlooking the Miami skyline.

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I must say though, that Aubrey song where she walked toward Donnie on that whole “Why was I such a fool to believe in you and now you’ve lost me” was pretty good. HA.. She finally got him on that one. Score one for the ladies.. nice.

– Lake