Posts Tagged ‘Hoopz’

I Love Money…But I Hate This Show

August 5, 2008

Flavor of Love was entertaining.  I Love New York was pretty good.  Rock of Love had a second season so someone watched it.  They took the wildest cats from all these shows and put them all together.  I thought it would be great, another trainwreck waiting to happen.  First of all, there is not enough of this:

More Hoopz please.  Take a cue from Real World/Road Rules Challenge an throw her in some spandex, drop her in some water or some baby oil and make her slide on a piece of glass or jump in a baby pool or something.  Meanwhile, she’s barely on the show.  That turned my excitement level from about 7…seben purnt faave to long ’bout 3.  Too much turrible Toastee and Pumkin.

Problem number two?  This guy.

Who is this guy and how did he get this job?  There hasn’t been a host this bad since Jonny Moseley.  This guy is useless.

Problem Three:  The Stallionaires aren’t the Stallionaires any more.

People refer to them like they are dominating the game, but they are useless.  Real is kinda a punk in competition, and Chance just taps out at every opportunity.  These guys should be the new age Chill Town.  You’ve got an alliance you can trust built right in.  They should be running this game.

Problem Four: We need more of this.

Correction, that was terrible.

I’m caught up now.  I need to at least speed Tivo through this thing just in case they take my advice on Hoopz.  I mean Big Brother someone managed to find the least attractive, least demonstrative women ever to agree to have their entire lives broadcast on live tv?  Aren’t these chicks supposed to be struggling actresses or half porn stars?  Can we get some half buck naked every once in a while?  At least a swimsuit, a tan?  Can we mix it in?  Thanks.

Until Survivor or RW/RR challenge comes back on, it’s all I’ve got.

Dammit.

-Brock

I Love Money: Hell Yeah

July 7, 2008

Seriously, this has potential to be the greatest show of all time.

That picture says it all.  It’s got my boy Chance and the always sexy Hoopz.  Plus all the other crazy chicks from Flavor of Love and the wildest cats from I Love New York.  Just for kicks, they added in the fake J’d out chicks from Rock of Love.

Fine, this is nothing but a copy of the Real World/Road Rules challenge, but there’s a kicker.  At least on the Real World, they try to find half respectable people.  Sure, they all have major personal and psychological problems, but at least they are partially legit.  These cats from Flavor of Love, I Love NY and Rock of Love don’t even have the semblance of legitimacy.  They are all straight clowns and fools.  Caricatures of real people, making no qualms about the fact that they are just out there trying to get famous.

How do you take that dude seriously?  Because he is a Stallionaire?  Why is he wearing slippers?

This cat Midget Mac was just asked how he would spend the money.  His response was “I’d probably give 200 to my momma…and my daddy.  Then the other fifty, I’d probably spend on strippers.  I’m just being real wit’chall.

We’ll Midget Mac wouldn’t have to go far to spend his money.  Half the chicks on this show have got to be in the business.  If they weren’t before, they are now.

You know Toasteee is down.  She looks like a real porn star.  You know.  Cute, but not actually cute.  Looks like she’s seen a few things.  Knows how to slide down a pole upside down, can do he splits and shake one ass cheek on command.  Actually, that was in her audition tape, they showed it about 5 times during the show.

Look, Hoopz seems to be the most legit chick on the show and even she breaks it down like this.

I’ll be watching.  This is more than just a trainwreck.  This is a pile of toy trains wrecking inside of a traincar about to be hit by a wrecking ball that is suspended between two bullet trains heading toward each other at 200 miles per hour.  That means I’ll be tuning in erry single week.

-Brock

The best Bachelor ever: Brad Womack is ICY…

November 21, 2007

Aside from the fact that he’s got a brother named Chad (I never did understand that corny rhyming named twins thing) this cat Brad Womack, the Bachelor, has to go up there as one of the best reality stars ever.

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For real dough, you just gotta etch his name in that Reality TV Stanley Cup right behind Flavor Flav, Dr. Will Kirby/Mike Boogie, William Hung, Chance, Nathaniel Golden, and Hoopz (of course)…in fact, let’s go ahead and run a picture of Hoopz..

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More Hoopz is always good for this and any other site. And yes, I will hit you with that reverse angle.

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(with no airbrush in sight or site. What, she’s got a g-string on)

Ahem, back to where I was. This cat Brad is an awesome dude. I mean, he reminds me of an older and less pimperish version of myself because homey has dry ice running through those veins. Listen, I’ve always loved the Bachelor. It’s just a good concept. One dude gets to romp with 25 women, then see about half of them in bikinis, only to kiss about 8 or so of them. Ok, so that’s cool and I always enjoyed those kind of odds in my younger years. But the greatest innovation by far has to be those “Fantasy Suite” dates where the Bachelor basically leverages sex for a rose. I mean, really making those chicas put their money maker and their mouths were that dude is.

Classic. What’s so great about it is that each one of them really go into that suite as if ole boy isn’t doing the exact same thing with 2 other chicks. I know, I know, he — no, they just have to connect on a “higher level” do figure out if it’s true love. I’m quite sure “true love” is something like what Andre 3000 described in his song A Life in the Day of Benjamin Undre:

15 love, fit like glove
description was like
15 doves in a jacuzzi catching the holy ghost
making one woozy in the head and comatose

So he hits all three chicks of course and then eliminates one. This year that decision was easy. The one chick was ridiculous and her family was even worse. She just had to go. Hit her and quit her was actually quite fitting for her punk ass.

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But this cat, he hits the other two and then goes to that final rose ceremony, ring in hand, after they both tell him they love him and disses BOTH finalists.

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I like how he set it up too. Insert country drawl which was half Dubyah Bush half Forrest Gump, “I jus- said goodbye to Jen-nee“. Then ole girl smiles (not too fast now). And then he just acts like he needs a shot of Dasani, followed by that “excuse me” where he jumps off the throne. Oh man..

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“Eye jus caint tell you that I’m in luv wit you..and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to dew”. Sure it is. Yes, ole boy ices out both chicks, a Bachelor first!!! Oh man, now if ABC will only have the vision to go with The Bachelor, this is the Remix Part Deux, Brad does it again. I know I’d be watching. And how ballsy was it for him to come with that “you know, I wouldn’t change a thing and I have no regrets” with regard to how things turned out. He knew that he iced all 25 babes out, he just didn’t care. Love it. Thanks Brad.

– Lake Womack

===========Update=============

Wow, so they have this After the Final Rose show. Boy, Brad is on the spot. Dude actually caught some boos when he came out. Ugly. Then the show’s host, Chris, reveals that he asked the show to send DeAnna’s dad out there because he was going to propose to her. So homey asks him, “why did you do that?”, answer, “Obviously I have some problems”….lol Homey, you aint got no problems. You’ve got all the right answers and all the right moves. And by the way, Jenni, the Phoenix Suns dancer is a solid thick white woman. Did I ever say that? Let’s see what the interns have for us in the way of evidence of thickness.

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Hmmm, not really good enough, but I’ll take it. Again, this show should be run by UvT entertainment, then all the angles, hell, all their measurements and vital statistics would be up on screen at all times like the NFL combine or something.

Boy, this cat is just the best. He reapplied that ice to DeAnna on the wrap up show. “I’m confident in my decision from that day..” Let me translate that for you baby.. “Hit the bricks baby, I got bars to run and chicks to get at…this is what I do.”

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Respek.