Posts Tagged ‘Hilarious’

Remember the Last Time You Had Your Wind Knocked Out of You?

August 21, 2008

Did it go a little something like this?

That Ooooooh ooooohh owwwwww ohhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhh it great.  Just can’t catch her breath.  Hilarious.

She looks like she was drinking wine, not making wine.  That’s what she gets for getting too fancy up there on that grape stompin’.  Can’t have jokes when you’re standing in a bucket on a four foot tall stage.

-Brock

Hey Roger, we know you did it, just admit it

December 23, 2007

Ole Rog released a “personal” youtube denial today. It’s so “from the heart,” folksy and completely unscripted, peep it:

Don’t you love the edit job they did? And that wasn’t scripted or anything, sheyut, who am I kidding. The only thing missing from that joint was a teleprompter and an unemployed writer’s union vagabond feeding the Rocket Mayne his lines. This is so hilarious. “I’ll sit down with Mike Wallace and-“… Nilla, what are you talking about? Don’t talk about going on 60 minutes like that’s the gold standard for “coming clean” and being “transparent” about your bullshit. Your fellow Texan Dubyah has been on 60 Minutes numerous times and he’s probably the most insincere cat in the entire free world. Sitting down with Mike Wallace isn’t macho, it’s Bush league. It’s one step above Larry Shoulder Blades King’s dog and pony show. If you want to take this head-on, call a press conference and take all comers with all their questions.

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Rog, I’m going to hip you to a little secret, WE ALL KNOW YOU DID ‘ROIDS. Everyone has always known it. First, look at the size of your dome. Sure you played for the Evil Empire, but that doesn’t mean you need to look like Lord Helmet from Spaceballs, ok?

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And unless you’ve got a time machine that none of us know about, we all can safely assume that the aging process hasn’t up and decided to run in reverse for you and you alone. You’re the only pitcher who actually got Better, Bigger, Fasterrr, Strongerrrrrrrrrr as you aged AND your boy Andy P. admitted that he juiced. We know you did it, just admit it. Hell, even Curt Schilling expressed doubt about whether you did it…well, Curt is almost as much as an asshole as you are, so I’ll actually put that in the “one for Roger” column, because anything that cat says can’t be taken too seriously, after all, he did hit his own sock with that ketchup back in ’04.

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It will be alright if you just admit it. I mean, come on, this is such a joke.

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Rocket maaaaaaaan, just come clean. Relax, you’ll still get into the Hall. You’re a white folk hero right along side Brett Favre, Larry Bird, Ronald Reagan and Elvis. None of you guys can do any wrong in the eyes of most of these slugs out here. Just admit it, move on and it will be all good. Doing what you’re doing now, you’re just making it worse for yourself. Hey Rog, I must ax you do you still:

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Now that you came out with this definitive denial, you’re just going to give the story legs. Now you’ll have cats out there, both credible and suspect, looking for a piece of you for a little fame. And truth be told, even a bullshit corroboration of what everyone already believes would fry your ‘Roid ragin, spazzin’ ass. Why are you doing this? Why don’t you ask Mike Piazza if he thinks you were on the Juice when you threw that bat at him.

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– Lake

They Busted the Rocket Maaaaaaaaaan!

December 13, 2007

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And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no, I’m a rocket man (ROCKET MAAAAAAAYNE)
Burning out his fuse up here alone

What a fitting song. “Oh, no, no, no – I’m da Rocket maa-aan.” That Rocket Maaaaaaaan is exactly what the Doctor errr Dentist ordered for this whole Steroids scandal. It’s always been a Barry Bonds witch hunt, but now we finally have some collateral damage. Hey, I’m just glad we can finally and officially account for all wild glare young Andrew Pettitte used to come with back in the day.

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You kind of have to respect that controlled Roid Rage… Let me ask yall a question, how hot do these guys look right about now.

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Care to comment Manny?

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No doubt, just how I see.. All is well in the Bean.

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Nice team. Chock full of vitamin c, juice and ethics.

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– Lake

==================UPDATE=============

Shocker, ole ‘Roid Rocket Rog is now saying he’s “innocent.”  Right, just like you didn’t mean to throw that broken bat at Mike Piazza either, right?  I know, I know, you thought it was the ball and that’s why you tried to HIT HIM with it.  Sure thing.  Who’s this guy’s lawyer, the incomparable Shaggy?

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Trainer shot me up near the showers, Waddent me 
I never thought he’d roll over, it Waddent me
Took HGH by the staircase, Waddent me
My Legacy fucked ova!

Roger:  Ok, Lake, you got me.. you got me

Lake:  Oh I didn’t get you yet, should I git him?  haaaa

We’ll leave that for the coming weeks…  Love it.