Posts Tagged ‘Green Bay Packers’

Man Up Monday: Brett Favre is Back

July 21, 2008

It is our first repeat performance, Brett Favre put in another week of bitchassness to get a second consecutive Man Up Monday.

You know the crazy thing about Brett Favre?  We all know he’s a cowboy asshole, but I’m not sure he knows it.  One thing is for certain, Brett Favre sure looooves him some Brett Favre.  I mean, this guy is always Brett Favre first and everyone else second.  It shows up when he tries to throw into triple coverage because he thinks he’s the only man in the history of the world who can do it.  It has been showing every time he didn’t retire for the last few years.

This is what Brett Favre looks like when he is not retiring.

So here’s what Brett did this week.

He had an interview with Greta Van Susteren, Wisconsin native and Packers shareholder.  Nice one.  Way to jump right into the hard hitting interview.  Way to step outside of anyone who knows anything about sports and football.  Drunk Joe Namath would’ve asked more pointed questions.  Hell, they could have agreed on one thing, neither of them could care less about the team strug-ga-ling.

Then Brett makes the announcement that he might show up at Packers camp to call their bluff.  What bluff is that Brett?  The bluff that they couldn’t possibly want anyone other than you to be quarterback?  Distracting and holding the Packers hostage so they can never play with anyone other than him?

Favre is going to stick it to the Pack this year.  The Vikings are supposedly in the mix and being investigated for tampering.  Can you imagine Favre and A. Pete rolling into Lambeau?  Ugly.  You upgrade Tavaris Jackson to Brett Favre?  Actually, the Vikings would still suck.  Brett just needs to go away or formally become the GM of some program so he can hire himself as QB.

Brett, Man Up and head back home.  You know good and well the Packers can’t make this decision without looking like assholes.  Your real retirement as a Packer is going to be tarnished now, and no one wants to see you wearing anything but green and yellow.

See, that doesn’t even look right.

Brett, I told ya last week, now you need to listen to me.

Man Up!

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Brett Favre

July 14, 2008

Brett Favre must think that “retire” is what you do when your car gets a flat because he sure as hell has no intention of quitting football.  Just FYI Brett, here is the real definition: “to withdraw, or go away or apart, to a place of privacy, shelter, or seclusion”.  Got it?  Go away, withdraw, get out, stop.  Brett, you’ve got the ring, you’ve got the MVP’s, you’ve got the touchdown record, you’ve got the yardage record, you are a first ballot Hall Of Famer, you define the modern Green Bay Packers, and you’ve had a great 16 year career.  By the way, remember this?

Riiiiiight, that was when you promised yourself that you wouldn’t get emotional, told everyone you were hanging it up, when you decided to stop holding the Packers and Aaron Rogers hostage.

Come on Brett, what is it really?  You always say it is the love of the game, you claim that you’ve still got it, people at a high school in Mississippi still talk about you throwing it 50 yards “on a rope”. Hey Brett, you can come clean with me:

Deanna looks like a nice lady.  Is it that bad staying at home?  Does Deanna need to step her game up or something?  I’ve never seen a man who wants to stay on the road more than you do bruh.  When I first heard the news, I knew at least these chicks would be happy.

Naaaaaah, their pissed too.  Because long about 2 hours after Brett tried to rescind his retirement, he also dropped the formal letter asking for his unconditional release.  Which means he can roll anywhere he wants, including a division rival, a title contender, anyone.  Unconditional?  Probably not.  Look, don’t get me wrong the Packers are more than ready to start the post-Favre era…BUT they aren’t going to do it if you are going to be showing up in a Bears uniform whooping ass in Green Bay twice a season anytime soon.

You know what, I knew when I saw you throw that pick in overtime that you were going to come back, there was no chance you were going to let that be your final pass.  Fun fact, the first pass that Brett Favre ever threw in the NFL was in Atlanta…was an interception…and it got run back for a touchdown.  Classic Favre right there.

You know what, this one is going to sound backwards.  Normally Man Up Monday is about sacking up, stepping up, and making it happen.  This time, it takes a bigger man to step down.  Just like I told Hillary, there is a time to pack it up and go home for the good of the Packers, for the good of the future of the league, and for your own damn good.  Besides you are already on the cover of Madden.  You’re cursed.  They tried to pick a retired player to avoid players ducking the cover, we’ll you just brought yourself back and right into the crosshairs of one of the nastiest bad luck streaks ever.

Brett, man up and stay home.  The best players in the game have passed you by.  Don’t go all Vinnie Testaverde on us, ok?

Man Up!

-Brock

Eddie Murphy Does NFC Championship Post Game Coverage

January 22, 2008

Eddie is better than Emmitt Smith, that’s for sure.

-Brock

We Found Some Winners In Green Bay

January 22, 2008

The Superbowl is set, with the Team of Destiny, New England Patriots, taking on the barely made the playoffs but rolling since then New York Giants. America’s boy, Brett Favre underthrew a pass in overtime to seal in his loss.  That play may be the one thing that brings him back to the game next season.  If he had a “good” loss in the Superbowl, he may be able to hang ’em up.  But ending his Hall of Fame career on an interception?  I don’t think so.

There was one positive thing that came out of the game, the reinvention of the Superfan.  No one has made a impact on TV like this since the “FSU Cowgirls“.  I present the Packer Bikini Girls.

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Unlike our girls down in Florida, these girls made it happen in Sub-zero weather.  That’s how you make yourself famous people.  These young ladies will be airbrushed in Maxim magazine within three months.

At first, I thought it was a quick random attempt to grab publicity.  Here’s my thing.  Isn’t it impossible to get tickets to Lambeau?  None of these girls look like they’ve been on a waiting list for 93 years or however long you have to wait for your season tickets to come up now.  The crazy thing is these ladies have done it before.  Our crack staff of interns were able to turn up a few more photos.

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Here is a pic before the “reveal”…I guess they aren’t completely crazy.  Cute?  I’ll let you be your own judge on that.  Right now they are on the high side of average in my book, but willingness to take it off in negative wind chill gives you a few extra swing points.

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Look, they are real fans.  They’ve done it at least once before.  They really stepped their game up with the matching tops though.  The FSU cowgirls already have the hat gimmick, and they really went the extra mile with their outfits, so these chicks may need to go tops and bottoms to carve out their niche.  TV coverage in the NFC title game may have already pushed them over the edge though.  Well played ladies, well played.

-Brock