Posts Tagged ‘GOP’

That’s why we pray: Mitt takes Michigan

January 16, 2008

Mitt won’t tell you he had to have Michigan, but quietly, homey needed that win really bad.

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Look, I have no idea what people in Michigan are thinking beyond name recognition, after all, Mitt’s pops was the Governor there back when he was running around with Joseph Smith and Brigham Young ‘n dem.

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Because as I understand it, Michigan is all about economic turnaround. So you pick Mitt to hook it up? Why, because he was a venture capitalist? How did that help people in Massachusetts? Anyway, nice win and let’s see how you do against Huckabee in South Carolina. Not sure how a plastic, bottle tanned Ken Doll will go over down there… Not sure how Big Love goes over either.  Well, at least not formally.  More later…

– Lake

Trent Lott: “I am a Gay American….sike(?)”

December 6, 2007

Whoa nelly. This joint is almost too good to be true. I mean, how hilarious would it be for Trent Lott, United States Senator from Mississippi to be a closeted gay dude messing with gay male escorts on Sunday and then passing anti-gay laws on Monday.

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Well, that’s exactly what the anti-Lott and anti-GOP hypocrite crowd is saying he’s done. They also say that this scandal is the real reason for Trent’s abrupt retirement on Monday and not because of some timing issue associated with his lobbying carrer. Who knows, but supposedly this Benjamin Nicholas, the man he’s been linked to, is some kind of gay prostitute to the stars. He also writes a blog about his encounters and even gives advice to aspiring male hoes (nice). Despite this ridiculous tomfoolery, I guess dude is known for his discretion and “professionalism” (what?) as a male hizzoe.. haa Like homey wrote a stinging rebuke to that gay prostitute that outed the sinister minister Ted Haggard.

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He said girlfriend violated the “uncomfortably buff gay male prostitute fucking with a hypocritical lying piece of chit” code of ethics. Hmm, I wonder if they’ve got a handbook. When Goldie was telling us about the virtues of a good hoe up in that planetarium, somehow I don’t think he had ole rubber neck up there on his mind.

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Anyway, Larry Flynt and a few other sources say Lott does like to swing from the other side of the plate and supposedly they’ve got phone and email records to prove that he DID meet up with Ms. Nicholas. Now Benjamin, the self-proclaimed honest hoe, has said that even if he did bang out Trent he wouldn’t tell. He added that:

“Trent is going through his fair share of scrutiny right now and I don’t want to add to it.”

Then he said:

“As I said before, Lott has quite a bit on his plate right now and I don’t really want to add fuel to the embers.”

What? I don’t know about yall, but homeboy sounds very comfortable with Trent’s name, the man himself and “what he’s going through”… A little too comfortable.  Well, we know Trent is boys with Larry Craig, he was a cheerleader in college and he’s up in that barbershop quartet..

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(the three Amigos, in that way)

All very suspect.

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Damn man, sunofabitch. Now I really dislike Trent Lott, but when I think of my racist, bigoted, backwards assed politician that I despise, I at very least want him , as Harold Ford, Jr. put it, to like women and football (in that order). I don’t need my segregationist out there on the farm helping the boys over the fence and I certainly don’t want to see him hoisting up the banner with the fellas.

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Damn, it’s all a little bit too Pulp Fiction rape scene for me, by the way, that scene in Pulp Fiction that “get some” scene..worst scene in cinematic history.. Just hands down. American Me was tough too. Ugly. Trent, I never thought I’d have to say this to you and honestly, I’ve got some mixed feelings about it, but:

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Haaa, I never get tired of doing that. Good riddance…asshole. And Larry, when you get that extra information on this cat, “shout me a holla dun.”

– Lake

The War on Terror-ible: Rule No. 1 Violation

November 27, 2007

Look, if there is one group of cats I don’t fuck with, it’s terrorists/insurgents (yes, I acknowledge they aren’t the same, but just let me be simplistic here) . I mean, let’s face it, pound for pound, those cats are the hardest, wildest and scariest dudes on the planet. Politics aside, I don’t want any trouble with those cats and generally, I just assume that they’re macho cats with an appetite for a little celestially mandated blood letting. So I say this with the utmost um respect, I guess (better put, I don’t want no trouble), but what in the hell is going on with this cat?!

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On Monday, the Department of Defense released a story and pictures about a disguised group of insurgents. Soldiers manning a checkpoint near Baghdad stopped a wedding convoy to find that the purported bride and groom were wanted terror suspects, an Iraqi Defense Ministry official said Monday. As soldiers searched the wedding cars, they found the veiled bride was actually a stubbly-faced man.

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(The flowers were a nice touch though)

Damn. I thought these radical Jihadists didn’t go for that funny shit. I mean, they don’t have a don’t ask don’t tell over there. It’s a don’t ask or I’ll kill. Don’t tell or you’re dead.

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(Even their nerds get gangsta with it)

Still, you just know they got some gay radical cats over there. What can you do? Let’s face it, there are gays in every walk of life.  So you gotta wonder which dude volunteers to rock the dress in a super conservative culture. Hmmm. Maybe Rudy Giuliani can answer that one.

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At any rate, this is pretty terrible and a clear violation of Rule No. 1.

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Damn son, get up off the ground and stop looking at me like that. Terrible.

Upon hearing the news of the man dressed as a woman, Senator Larry Craig, Republican from Idaho, immediately boarded a plane to Iraq to “investigate” the situation.

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Word on the street is that he wants to “liberate” this young “bride” with a one-on-one interrogation, preferably next to a urinal.

– Lake