Posts Tagged ‘Fantasy Football’

Man Up Monday: Fantasy Football “Geniuses”

September 8, 2008

I just want to start off by saying I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning.  I could barely sleep last night, stayed in all day.  Only instead of toys, turkey and Christmas lights, I broke out the mini keg of Bell’s Oberon and rocked the homemade wings (buffalo and lemon pepper with a side of blue cheese) and fired up this HD NFL Sunday Ticket (rocking the main game on the projector with the “game mix” on the side with all the other games running simultaneously.)  My man cave is real.  The NFL is back.

And it is already great.  My Falcons and Michael Turner drug the hell out of the Detroit Lions.  Carolina came down to the wire.  T.O. had a crazy almost lost it behind his back catch, and my fantasy squad just broke the 100 point barrier to lead all teams.  Oh! Bears defensive TD!  Killing these fools.  Anyway, for those of you who follow Fantasy Football, the big prediction this year was that the traditional running back era was over and the the QB gives the best value in this years draft.  You see, normally running backs are the best fantasy players, they score the most touchdowns, they get the ball 25-30 times a game, and they end up being pretty durable.  This year, because Tom Brady and Randy Moss went wild, everyone said Brady was an early first rounder, as high as 3, he went 5 in my league.  They were also pumping Romo and Moss as other first rounders.  Well, here’s the risk with taking an early QB:

Brady may be out for the entire season with a knee injury which will kill the Patriots season.  Did I mention I picked last?  That means that although I didn’t want to, I ended up with Randy Moss and Peyton Manning in the first two rounds?  Who were my running backs?  Well for one, I got Michael Turner in the 3rd round…and he killed it today.  Oh and to the rest of the cats in my league, don’t even bother looking for Matt Cassel on Wednesday, my #1 waiver wire position puts him on my squad.  Thanks.

So now the Patriots season, and all those fantasy geniuses who just killed thousands of fantasy squads probably feel a lot like this:

So all the pros need to go back to the drawing board on trying to break out of tradition.  Oh, and everyone in my league better watch out.  I’m picking up right where I left off last year, dominating.

So to all the Fantasy prognosticators, to the New England Patriots, to Matt Cassel, to my man H. Larry who somehow inexplicably ended up with Tom Brady, Rudi Johnson and Vince Young, to the squad who would have beat every team in the league this week other than mine…MAN UP!  HAAAAAAAA!

-Brock the Week One Champ

Are You Ready For Some (Fantasy) Football?

August 22, 2008

That’s right people, the drought is almost over.  I’m not talking about the lakes in Georgia and North Carolina.  I’m not talking about tropical storm Fay working over Florida.  I’m talking about the fact that Football season is coming to improve Sportscenter so we don’t have to suffer through baseball highlights every night, and I can’t wait.  In fact, I’ve already been watching preseason.  Side note, if you have HBO, you’ve got to peep that Dallas Cowboys “Hard Knocks”.  Here’s the best part of Episode 1.

You gotta love that T.O.  He blazes Pacman errrr Adam Jones on a double move and Pacman starts complaining.  T.O. just hits him with “Hell, I’m working on my shit”.  That is why you gotta love T.O.  Sure it has been two years so he is due to try to blow up the Cowboys any day now, but as long as Wade Phillips is smart enough to keep T.O. as a central part of the offense, maybe eveything will be fine.

Anyway, back to the subject, the Us Versus Them fantasy football draft was last night.  It is a 12 man league, most cats come to the table prepared, we even ran the big board.

(white woman not included)

but of course we have all the fantasy football stereotypes.

Not Prepared Guy:  This is the asshole that shows up with a list with the top 50 players on it, some pocket lint, a pack of twizzlers and no fuckin clue what he is doing.  You gotta love and hate this guy.  You love him because it means he’s going to clear out some bullshit players and you are going to come up on some cats you might not have had a shot on.  Then you hate him because he ends up trying to jack your resources once he realizes he doesn’t know anyone who plays football other than Tom Brady, Randy Moss, T.O. and Ladanian Tomlinson.

Best Player Available Guy: You always feel bad for this dude.  There is always one cat drafting in a position where he never really gets to player he wants so he ends up settling for a player that isn’t quite as good.  Then suddenly he looks up and his entire squad ain’t shit.  You know, waiting for Drew Brees and ends up with Derek Anderson.  Wants Marion Barber and ends up with Willis McGahee.  This guy actually knows what he’s doing, he just can’t catch a break.

The “Is Adrian Peterson Available?” in the fifth round Guy:  No.  No he’s not.

2006 All-Star team guy:  This is the cat who is semi-prepared but always falls for the big name.  Unfortunately he ends up taking cats who were hot two years ago.  You know Matt Hasselbeck, Rudi Johnson, Marvin Harrison, takes Adam Vinatieri in the 8th round.  Just generally messing up.

Overprepared Guy:  This dude is running algorythms and peeping bye weeks for the entire 15 rounds.  Listen player, it is round 13.  It isn’t going to make or break you if you are going to pick up your handcuff RB or a shitty backup TE mmmkay?  Just pick.  You aren’t a damn clairvoyant, and fantasy football is 50% luck and alchemy anyway.  Just order another beer and have a good time.  Thanks.

Always Fucking Up Guy:  This is usually Lake, although he put together a strong run this year.  This is the cat who’s computer can’t connect.  His phone drops.  Slow to pick.  HIlarious.

Drafting Last Guy:  This year this was me.  I don’t care what anyone says, there is no advantage.  It sucks.  Ok?  It sucks.

Anyway here’s my squad:

Peyton Manning

Randy Moss

Michael Turner

Ronnie Brown

Vincent Jackson

Chris Chambers

Bears Defense…awwwwwwwwwww I’m fucked.  I don’t even want to go any further.  I told you it sucks to draft last.

I’ll be watching my NFL Sunday Ticket in the man cave.  So I can watch my downfall in HD with all the games on simultaneously.  At least I’ll enjoy myself.  Can’t wait for the first big hit.

Football season baby, let’s go.

-Brock

UvT Bowl 2: Lake n Bake

November 26, 2007
And the winner is Lake…my man. SPEECH
First of all I want to thank Brock,
he’s got a good squad
still Lake got it locked…Yeeeeeaaaah

LOL

Hey, my main man Brock put up a good fight, but Lake’s boys went ahead and put him away after the Eagles gave Tom Brady (Brock’s QB) and the Pats all they wanted and more Sunday night.

lake-arlington-2.jpg

We came out with a good game plan, executed our plays and came away with the victory. Now, I can’t talk too much shat, because Brock has a better record than me and he’s scored more overall points than me in our Fantasy League. With that being said, it’s a boarder skirmish I’m quite sure Mr. Hardon would have liked to have won. And let’s not forget, that’s the second time Lake’s boys put that thang on Brock’s team in one year. 😉

Alas, he could not pull it out and Lake takes home the UvT trophy which is a bronzed, life sized cast of Kim Kardashian’s ass piece for my mantle.

kim-kardashian-ass1.jpg

I’ll take it.

– Lake