Posts Tagged ‘Eliot Spitzer’

Say It Aint So: Did Eliot Hit This?

March 28, 2008

We all know Eliot Spitzer hit a panoply of hoes over the past couple of decades, but now the Feds are linking him to yet another prostitution ring and some are even saying her got personal service from the organization’s ring leader, Kristin “Billie” Davis.

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And no, that is not some photoshopped, frosted out picture.  That’s really what this chick looks like.  I don’t get it. How do you go from smooth Ashley Dupre to this plastic looking she-he thing?

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Better but still not right. I don’t get the fasination some dudes have with plastic broads. I hate the fake J, hate the bottled blond hair and definitely can’t stand the Mt. Rushmore grill piece with the 4 layers of polyurethane shellacked up on top of a gallon of liquid foundation.

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Yeah, yeah, if you catch those breasts at the right angle you might think they’re tight. I get that but that face is just terrible at any angle. Her nose is Hungry Man skrong and that extra edged and etched Jaw piece is a Rumer Willis special.

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Hey, I know Eliot has shown some horrible judgement, but you don’t go from hitting this:

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Damn, let’s get another Ashley Dupre shot in there.

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Last one:

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Damn.. I can’t lie, this chick is fine. Ok, now I’ve sufficiently cleansed my palate for that horrible tranny (sorry Roxy Rose) looking babe.

– Lake

Governor Gets Caught in Wire Tap: Eliot’s Mess

March 10, 2008

Maaaayne, I turned on my radio this morning and I heard 50 Cent’s P.I.M.P Remix featuring New York’s Gov. Eliot “Mess” Spitzer and T Pain.

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Surprisingly, Eliot was signing the hook, listen:

I don’t know what you heard about me
But these hoes got $5,000 dollars outta me
They dropped a wire and got your boy E
I deserve better after paying 5 Gs (Yuh!)

Daaaayum, it appears that Governor Eliot Spitzer got hemmed up in a prostitution sting in Washington, D.C. I guess they raided some “offices” and found paperwork that “links him” (what does that mean?) to the “prostitution ring.” Links him? Does that mean he was banging out hizzies or not?

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I know, I know…ha It’s just that I like Eliot and hate to see him go out like this. It’s pretty crazy, because if you ever listen to his speeches, homey talks like he’s the head of the League of Justice or something. But when he read that statement this morning, homey sounded like Kanye trying to explain that W didn’t care about black people. It was more than uncomfortable.

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Dude, all the details aren’t in yet, but it looks like dude was paying these hoes 3-5 grand for some tail…

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Damn, what kind of chicks are these? I mean is this cat literally banging out Linsay Lohan or something? Crazy. Hard out here for a pimp? How could it be? For that money, Eliot could have flown out to a remote location to get some. Damn. Let me ask you guys something, if you had to go down in a sex scandal, which way would you go? I took the liberty of listing a few in terms of worst to easiest to handle. All these scandals assume that you are a politician who is married with children:

1. I’m a Gay American

The Gay dude who has been frontin’ with the stepford wife

2. The Sexual Assault ‘Lose-Lose’ Scenario

This is a particularly ill one. A chick claims you sexually assaulted her and your only defense is, “She wanted it too”.. Uhhh, don’t ya hate when THAT happens?

3. Baby Mama Drama

You get exposed for the love child, which means not only were you hitting something wild style, but you were quietly throwing hush money at it, or not, either way, you’re fucked.

4. Hoez I knows

Paying for it and getting caught in the okie doke with the credit card statement.

5. Head Man in Charge

Getting some love from that secretary “under the desk”. This one is all too classic. Almost doesn’t even register on the radar screen.

No matter how you slice it, this is UGLY for Eliot Mess. You know the GOP types are loving this! Eliot was already in trouble, it’s just a matter of time until he’s forced to peace out. Damn, E, thanks for the Christmas card though.

– Lake