Posts Tagged ‘Duke Lax’

Ridiculous: Gold Digging Lax players sue Duke

February 25, 2008

When asked what they would say to Nifong if he were in the room, Rae Evans, the mother of indicted player David Evans, says, “I would say with a smile on my face, ‘Mr. Nifong, you’ve picked on the wrong families … and you will pay every day for the rest of your life.‘”

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Doesn’t that just say it all? And you know that she meant it. It’s the sentiment that unifies every single Lax parent and player who just won’t let this thing die because now they feel like they’ve got to send a message. And what is that message? Let me paraphrase:

Don’t fuck with the kind of white folks who send their kids to Duke. The shit you pulled with this case, which we understand that you pull everyday, with all kinds of “other people” for various different reasons, that shit doesn’t fly here. We’re different. We’re special. We’ve got money, power and connections and we’ll teach you not to fuck with people like us ever again..”

That’s what Rae Evans meant when she said that and believe you me, she meant it! That’s why her son is walking around with $6 million of Duke’s money in his pocket and probably more to come. Now the rest of the team is following her lead, when they should just leave good enough alone..

Attorney, Chuck Cooper, filed a law suit last week on behalf of 38 money grubbing Duke Lacrosse players and their parental units, some of whom are pictured here:

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Right, add these names to the list of the most ridiculous people in all of Sports:

Edward “Bo” Carrington, Casey Carrol, Mike Catalino, Gale Catalino, Tom Clute, Kevin Coleman, Josh Coveleski, Ned Crotty, Ed Douglas, Kyle Dowd, Patricia Dowd, Daniel Flannery, Gibbs Fogarty, Zack Greer, Irene Greer, Erika Henkelman, Steven Henkelman, John “Jay” Jennison, Ben Koesterer, Fred Krom, Pete Lamade, Adam Langley, Chris Loftus, Daniel Loftus, Barbara Loftus, Tony McDevitt, Glenn Nick, Nick O’Hara, Lynnda O’Hara, Dan Oppedisano, Sam Payton, Brad Ross, Kenneth Sauer, Steve Schoeffel, Rob Schroeder, Devon Sherwood, Dan Theodoridis, Bret Thompson, Chris Tkac, Tracy Tkac, John Walsh, Michael Ward, Robert Wellington, William Wolcott, Michael Young.

I find it completely hilarious that these guys are suing Duke and the City of Durham after all the hell they caused both institutions. As if they didn’t play an integral role in this whole debacle. Suing Duke for what? Oh, I get it, they all wanted to be expressly indicted like Dave, Colin and Reade, huh? Then maybe they could have scored a huge payday and gotten plum jobs on Wall Street too.

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Heck, maybe they could have even robbed Duke for a cool $6 million each like Colin, Reade and Dave did? I mean, why shouldn’t they get in on the gravy train, right?

To the Parents who are Suing

And what about the parents of players who are suing Duke? What, did the old ladies at your country club gasp when they heard Gibbs might be involved with strippers that may or may not have been raped by him or one of his boys? Are they giving you “the look”?

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Did you get an uncomfortable feeling at during that game of squash or at the afternoon tea?

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I mean, what possible justification could YOU, a parent of a knucklehead who got mixed up in this mess, have for this lawsuit? To call it frivolous is a gift; it’s downright outrageous!!! I mean, what’s the theory of your case, is it “Infringement on your Right to Tell Fanciful Stories About How Well Your Son Is Doing Both Socially and Academically at Duke“?

Seriously, do any of these parents realize that ANYBODY and EVERYBODY who has ever had a family member accused of something, and by the way, the people in this lawsuit were NEVER accused in a court of law, is upset and yes, “hurt” by that experience? Get over yourselves, you don’t deserve anything more than the next mother who is upset when her son does something stupid or is associated with someone who has done something stupid. I mean, just because you called your family doctor and upped that dosage on those anti-depression and sleep meds you already took before this incident, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a damn penny from Duke University.

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How about you check your kid’s values and principles first and then while you’re at it, check your own. You don’t deserve a damn thing, in fact, some of us wish your kid never went to Duke in the first place because we care more about the reputation of our University than your son’s right to run around and play a fringe sport, drink his cheap liquor and dial up strippers on the weekends. Duke is an institution of higher learning that would have been better off if you kids never came to Duke at all, but now YOU deserve an award for what you’re been through?

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In reality, you OWE us, not the other way around. The fact is that your boys aren’t innocent in the least. At a minimum they threw a ridiculous and illegal party with strippers, got into a fight with them when they wouldn’t take the party into the back room errrr dance the “right way,” followed by threats to sodomize them with a broom and here’s the money shot, and yelled racist epithets at them 10 feet away from East Campus. Who’s fault is that? Nifong? Broadhead?

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Or this muthafucka in the blue shirt rubbing his dizzick up on Crystal Mangum?

Perfect. Yeah, I can see why Duke and Durham should pay them for that.. Makes perfect sense to me.

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And to the Players who are Suing

What did you guys actually expect Duke to do after you fucked things up so royally for all of us? Let’s not forget, YOU voluntarily gave DNA samples, which exonerated you by the way, and now you’re suing? Wake up!!! When someone accuses you of rape, people are going to investigate the alleged crime. What did you expect Duke to do, release a statement saying, “Fuck Dem Central Hoes?”

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Hell yeah Duke was cautious about coming out and defending you immediately. What do you expect? You have to when you’re dealing with idiots like you! I mean, how much more could Duke have done for you? Was it Duke that called the strippers over? Did Duke put those Natty Lights and bottles of Everclear in your hands? Did Duke yell racist threats to these chicks when the thing went wrong? Do you actually believe for a microsecond that you should have played out that season with the scandal hanging over everyone’s heads?

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I mean, realistically, what more do you guys want? And even if they shouldn’t have canceled the season, so what? It’s Lacrosse at Duke! It’s not your 4th, 5th and 6th Amendment rights being breached. It wasn’t even your “right” to get a Duke education. It was your right to run around with a helmet and a stick with tens of people watching you from the stands!

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These guys are the best. They fuck shit up for Duke University by creating this entire mess and now they deserve money from Durham and Duke? You know what, I think I’m starting to see where these guys are coming from. I think I’ll go back and sue some chicks who didn’t let me hit.

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And that old lady who looked at me funny when I asked for a blue book because I forgot mine, I think I’ll sue her too. In fact, I think I’ll just go ahead and sue Duke for my GPA which probably could have been higher had they “supported me” in my time of need aka Organic Chemistry… I’m quite sure if they had supported me more, I could have done far better. Hell, I deserved Summa Cum Lade for my efforts at Duke, but I’ll settle for the low low price of $100k like what these guys are reportedly asking for.

And what about Devon Sherwood?

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This cat.. I mean, this kid has gigantic nuts to be suing Duke for this.
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How is it that he’s suing? LOL. This cat is the only player who was expressly excluded from the entire investigation, but now he’s got his hand out?!!!

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For what? Honestly, what possibly could Devon Sherwood be owed by Duke and Durham, NC. He was singled out for NOT being at the party and NOT fitting he description of the alleged attackers, so what happened to him? Did he have hurt feelings? Is it that he suffer the loss of one year of Lax? I mean, literally, what possible explanation could this cat have for being a part to this lawsuit?

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What, does he want some ice to match those terrible earrings he’s got on? Does he want reparations for being the only black cat on the team and thus the only eligible black cat to stand up there in support of Dave Evans when he delivered that impassioned “I’ll Have Some Green” speech?

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Hey, Devon, here’s an idea. Go walk over on West Campus and trip over one of those dangerous chain link ropes. That outta fetch you some cash. Honestly, the concept that those ropes have been negligently draped all over campus for over 40 plus years makes more sense than your attempt to suck money out of Duke for a controversy you were famously and explicitly separated from. Homey pleez, you look ridiculous right now. Hit the books, hit the weights, hell, hit the pawn shop so you can get a matching necklace for those bullshit earrings you’re rocking, but stop the madness with this suit. You don’t deserve shit!

What Duke’s Settlement Offer Should Be

I mean, seriously, you guys have NO INJURY!!!! You can’t get paid if you have no injury!!! You’re just trying to hold a gun to the heads of Duke and Durham because you saw Dave, Colin and Reade get over with it, but you aint Dave, Colin and Reade..

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Hell, even Dave, Colin and Reade didn’t deserve any money. Duke just gave them dough to go away. I would give you a coke and a smile to go away, but you don’t deserve a smile and coke costs 1.5 food points and I already told you I aint givin’ yo’ asses a fucking dime!!! Look, if I were Duke, I’d offer a settlement of a year’s supply of General Tso’s Chicken from that terrible Chinese spot, Han’s, on the Bryan Center Walkway!!! LOL Hell, I’ll even chip in and buy you fellas a large meat lover’s pizza from Dominoes.

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It will be real fun, we can do it over off East Campus. Devon Sherwood can bring the wings and Zack can call the strippers errrrr girls from West Campus over and it will be a fun night… ya know?

Just Move On

And trust me, being accused of a crime by a nutso stripper and overzealous prosecutor does not constitute an injury that you should be compensated for. It’s called, “Shit other people deal with everyday!” I know, I know, you’re from the North East, you’ll eventually have a Duke degree, you can bench press 245 lbs. and you’ve got boyish good looks and a full head of hair.

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You know what, so do I, but I didn’t gravy train a random ass sport that generates zero revenue to get into Duke. MOST OF YOU DID! You should be happy that you’re there at all!!!

Just move on. You’ve already been made out as heroes for throwing a party, yelling racist shit at some strippers and being part of a rouge athletic program. Let’s face it, 75% of your clowns should have never been aceepted to Duke to begin with. Just think about what you clowns have already cost our University in the way of image, money and heartache.

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Shit, your “team” doesn’t generate enough revenue to cover the balls you use. We should be suing you! Truth be told, our cause of action would probably be more legitimate.

No love.

– Lake