Posts Tagged ‘David hernandez Stripper’

American Idol’s Gay Stripper Scandal

March 5, 2008

Here is a real conversation earlier today at Us Versus Them headquarters.

Brock: Did you hear that the Hispanic cat on American Idol was a stripper in a gay male strip club?

Lake: Nooooooo. The little guy with the lipstick?

david-archuleta.jpg

B: Nah, not him…the other dude. Taller guy.

L: Ohhhhh, true. The crazy flamboyant cat who talks all that shit and gyrates all over the stage?

danny-norriega.jpg

B: Good guess. But nah, not him either. The other…seemingly gay, Hispanic cat.

L: Who?

B: (*getting my Google search on*) uhhhhhhhhhhh, David Hernandez.

david-hernandez.jpg

L: Who?

B: You ain’t lied. I didn’t know who the hell he is either.

Shoulda known. Ol’ D. Hernandez is rocking the stripper pose in that damn picture. Hell, all three of them look like they are breaking out the stripper moves.

And no David, we don’t want to hear any parts of your “I worked in a gay club, but I’m not gay” argument. If you get butt naked for men stuffing cash in your g-string that is gay.

davidhernandezstripper.jpg

That no shirt, bowtie combo you are rocking right now is gay. Sitting next to those two drag queens is gay. The way you’re holding that beer is gay. This picture coming up:

74383_3_122_431lo.jpg

It’s gay. Lord Jesus…We aint seen cuts in a garment like that since, well, Nathaniel Golden, Jr. David, I hate to do this to you, but you knew it was coming:

you-re-gay.jpg

There, I said it.

I know, I know at first you were just working behind the bar with no shirt on and before you knew it you were ahem “sliding down a pole” while “What is Love” by Haddaway pumped over the sound system.

Don’t hurt me…no mo.

simon-keeps-it-real.jpg

-Brock

=================Update================

Dude, as if this couldn’t get any worse, I just read that this cat still claims that he’s straight and used to work at this strip club…

david-hernandez-3a.jpg

It was called ahem “Dick’s Cabaret”.. Haa Lordy! And the owner didn’t let David off easy, he remembered the boy as a good earner (low!).

4704245294a7016264238ml.jpg

errrrrr

david-hernandez-1a.jpg

According to a report by the Associated Press, David Hernandez appeared fully nude and performed lap dances for the club’s “mostly male” clientele, club manager Gordy Bryan told the news wire service. “He had the look and the type that people like, so he made pretty good money here,” Bryan said. Bryan claims Hernandez – who hails from Glendale, Arizona – worked at the strip club, Dick’s Cabaret, for three years until the end of September 2007.

Jeez.. I was much happier and more comfortable when American Idol Scandals looked like this:

abww1.jpg

What is the world coming to?

– Lake