Posts Tagged ‘Dancing With The Stars’

Bill Parcells versus Jason Taylor

May 22, 2008

The Big Tuna has landed in Miami and he still doesn’t play. A few days ago he teed off on Jason Taylor for not coming to voluntary mini-camp.

Parcells says it is because Jason Taylor is a team leader, that his team is working hard without him, that a leader should be there working hard with the team. You know, really trying to build some camaraderie. I know Bill is working hard, but no one has forgotten the fact that the Dolphins were 1-15 last year. Why don’t you work on the other thirty or so problems the team has…you know, a quarterback, people who can catch, a running back who can make it through and entire season, you know…the basics.

Look we all know why Bill is pissed off. He can pretend it is football related all he wants. He’s mad because he thought he was getting this:

Yeah, that is the six time pro bowler and former Defensive player of the year. A straight killer who has been the only gem in a horrible program for a long time. He ended up with this:

A tippy-toeing, back-sliding, bellbottom wearing, ballroom dancer. Listen here Jason, I don’t care that you are in the best shape of your life. Samba shape ain’t football shape homey. Not to mention the fact that everyone had a mental image of you smiling and quickstepping around the dance floor. Don’t you know you just gave the entire league reason to whoop your ass? People will work extra hard against you just so they don’t get beat by the dancer.

Seriously.

That is just turrible right there. I’m with Parcells on this one. Time to get your ass back to the job.

And for the record, all I know about this show is the stills.  I have not watched a single solitary minute of this debacle, but I did overhear two people having a legitimate conversation about how it wasn’t fair to have Kristi Yamaguchi on the show because she was a “ice dancer” who was already like a trained dancer.  I guess JT got robbed.  Whatever.

-Brock

And Now For Something New…Man Up Monday

March 10, 2008

It feels so good when inspiration strikes. When you sit straight up in the middle of the night, mind racing because you have an idea, something that can help people, something that can change the world…

Here at Us Versus Them, we are ready to give back. We are ready to use our power to touch people, to improve this great nation and the world. How will we do it? Man Up Monday. Our first project?

Mario.

mario-dancing-with-the-stars.jpg

Well damn…where do I start? The silky shirt? The high pants? Those slippery looking shoes? The fact that it looks like his head was photoshopped on to his neck? All that glitter, or magma, or sparkles or whatever the hell that is in the background?

Let’s start here. You can’t go by one name when your name is so damn common. You have to have something unique like Madonna, like Beyonce, even Usher. When I say “Mario”, I’m thinking there is about a 0% chance that the first person you think of is this dude. If you like to eat you probably think of this guy, or if like gay comedians, this guy. The other 90% of the world thinks of this guy:

mario.jpg

Anyway, black, skinny Mario is on dancing with the stars. As long as he doesn’t start highstepping and sliding like Jerry Rice he may leave this experience with some part of his pride intact. Look, I can’t hate too hard, check out his lady.

mario-nicole-ricca.jpg
Cute, huh? Well, Brock knows her from back in the day. Back when she was just a young model trying to make it, butt naked riding bikes. Here’s a tame version, I’m sure you can find worse (better?).

nicole-ricca.jpg

Anyway, unlike last season, when Mel B brought me out of the woodwork to at least get a feel for the show, I will not be catching a single solitary second of Dancing With the Stars this year.

Mario…Man Up!

-Brock

====================Update=========================

Uh, Brock. Now, I won’t come out here and disagree with you directly, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say that when a man is hitting this:

aquare_ani_ricca.jpg

(This babe is alike a doper Alicia Keyes.. yikes)

You can call him Cleetus for all I care… I mean, hot dammit, that’s his lady? Shit, maybe this “going hard thing” hasn’t been working for me. I’m a star, loyal reader KIR in NV told me so. Maybe I need to be on dancing with the stars, get me some Ricca love.

mario-i-hittin.jpg

WOW. Man up player? Seems to me he’s got that thing sufficiently covered where it matters, don’t ya think? Damn a man up, if I don’t stop looking at this babe you’re gonna have to come into my office with some smelling salts because it’s about be “Man Down Monday”… That little tan dress up top wasn’t telling the whole truth. Keepin it real..

– Lake

Mel B: In Case You Forgot

December 8, 2007

She still just had a baby. And yes, she is still bad as hell.

mel-b.jpg

Man, that “Dancing with the Stars” diet is real. I asked one of the interns to get me a close up view.

mel-b2.jpg

Damn. It is tight up close too. Nice work. I know there have been rumors, but this is the best evidence I’ve ever seen that would cause me to question Eddie Murphy’s sexuality.

I don’t know why UPS keeps asking the question, I know exactly what (Mel) Brown can do for me.

-Brock