Posts Tagged ‘Damn Homey!’

Man Up Monday: Tyson Gay

August 18, 2008

The Olympics are more than halfway over.  USA is still up in the medal count(although the Chinese would probably like to point out the fact they have more Gold medals – ignoring the fact that 16 of their total medals are in Badminton and Shooting).  You know America has been pushing their Olympic heroes in advertising for months now.  Michael Phelps certainly worked out, but several Olympic athletes did not.  Starting with the Hamm brothers in Gymnastics, both went down with injury at the last second.  The US Gymnastics team got the Silver in the team competition (due to the still mysteriously sexy Alicia Sacramone.  More on her tomorrow.)  But not since the Dan and Dave debacle of 1992 has an Olympic athlete flamed out like this.

Tyson Gay was America’s best hope for capturing the title of “World’s Fastest Man”.  He was even on the cover of the Olympic Games video game.  (Madden Curse, getting stronger?  Brett, watch your back!)  Let’s ignore the fact that every other meet he has to walk around with the word “gay” pinned to his unitard…not the most intimidating presence on the track I’d say, but hey what can he do?

Anyway, Tyson Gay pulled up at the Olympic trials a few months ago with a bad hammy.  Luckily he had already qualified for the 100 meter dash so he still got to go to the Olympics.

See, this is for all of the people who believe we should send our “stars” no matter what happens to them in the trials.  I say if they are supposed to win, they are supposed to win the trials too.  So Tyson shows up and makes it through the prelims, but doesn’t even get to the finals.  He didn’t even make the finals.  Daaaaamn Homey.  You used to be the Maaaaaan Homey!  I knew it too.

Look at my man’s face.  All my track people out there know his face is too tight.  I mean he looks like he is trying to get rid of Michael Phelps’ daily dietHe’s making that face Mike Epps made in “All about the Benjamins” when he was making fun of the old dude.  Seben-fittay.  You cna’t win when you are straining it out like that.  How does one of our national heroes get beat before he even gets to the finals.  You know America, we’d rather not show up than get beat on the track.

The real problem…it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.  Usain Bolt DESTROYED the field.  Can you find Usain Bolt in this picture?

Don’t look over by the runners in the picture.  Look waaaaaay over there to the right after the finish line.  I had to go wide screen on it he won by so much.  I mean Bolt is damn near putting his warmups back on and eating his post race snack before the rest of the “greatest athletes in the world” even cross the finish line.  And he ran a 9.69.  And he started clowing and high-stepping like Deion Sanders at the 80 meter mark.  And he rocked the carzy point it out pose before the race.

These pics are so crazy.

Is this guy playing a video game?  I guess that 6’5″ really matters in this sport.  I hope the dude doesn’t go all Ben Johnson on us because this is amazing.  By the way, two quick questions.  Are genetics really so strong that there isn’t a single individual of Nordic and/or European, Eastern Bloc descent that can even get near the semi-finals of this race?  I mean there are no melanin challenged individuals in the arena when this race goes down.  Do the brothers have it on lock like this?  I don’t like to perpetuate stereotypes, (yeah, right) but damn.  Also, when did the Jamaican’s corner the market on fast?  Three Jamacians in the mens and the womens finals in the 100.  That is crazy for such a small country.  Tell the bobsled team to step their game up.

Tyson Gay…Man Up!

-Brock

———–UPDATE—————

Tyson.  Carl Lewis called.  Even he said you need to man up.  That’s.  Not.  Good.

I’m just sayin’.

The War on Terror-ible: Rule No. 1 Violation

November 27, 2007

Look, if there is one group of cats I don’t fuck with, it’s terrorists/insurgents (yes, I acknowledge they aren’t the same, but just let me be simplistic here) . I mean, let’s face it, pound for pound, those cats are the hardest, wildest and scariest dudes on the planet. Politics aside, I don’t want any trouble with those cats and generally, I just assume that they’re macho cats with an appetite for a little celestially mandated blood letting. So I say this with the utmost um respect, I guess (better put, I don’t want no trouble), but what in the hell is going on with this cat?!

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On Monday, the Department of Defense released a story and pictures about a disguised group of insurgents. Soldiers manning a checkpoint near Baghdad stopped a wedding convoy to find that the purported bride and groom were wanted terror suspects, an Iraqi Defense Ministry official said Monday. As soldiers searched the wedding cars, they found the veiled bride was actually a stubbly-faced man.

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(The flowers were a nice touch though)

Damn. I thought these radical Jihadists didn’t go for that funny shit. I mean, they don’t have a don’t ask don’t tell over there. It’s a don’t ask or I’ll kill. Don’t tell or you’re dead.

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(Even their nerds get gangsta with it)

Still, you just know they got some gay radical cats over there. What can you do? Let’s face it, there are gays in every walk of life.  So you gotta wonder which dude volunteers to rock the dress in a super conservative culture. Hmmm. Maybe Rudy Giuliani can answer that one.

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At any rate, this is pretty terrible and a clear violation of Rule No. 1.

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Damn son, get up off the ground and stop looking at me like that. Terrible.

Upon hearing the news of the man dressed as a woman, Senator Larry Craig, Republican from Idaho, immediately boarded a plane to Iraq to “investigate” the situation.

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Word on the street is that he wants to “liberate” this young “bride” with a one-on-one interrogation, preferably next to a urinal.

– Lake