Posts Tagged ‘Cringer was a bitch’

Classic Material: He-Man & the Masters of the Universe

April 11, 2008

Yo, when I dropped that She-ra reference in Brock’s post it just made me think of how hot that He-Man cartoon used to be. What a great intro:

The rhetoric associated with that joint was just too good. I especially appreciated those hype background singers.. “He-Mon”. They were nailing it. This cat said that “fabulous powers were revealed to me the day i held aloft my magic sword and said, ‘by the power of Greyskull”. Were those writer’s serious? “Fabulous powers”? I mean, isn’t that exactly what every kid wanted revealed to them back in the day? It’s genius…Then the best part:

“I HAVE THE POWER…bitches”

You gotta respect how he had that bitchy little tiger, then hit him with that Don’t taze me bro sword piece and turned the cat into a legitimate wrecking machine. The other night I tried to do the same. I came home made late, drunk as hell on that goose… looked at my dog, held aloft my box of Fig Newtons and was like, “by the power of Kardashian’s ass piece….”

From the procedure, I was looking to get to this:

And yes that is the venerable Bullmastif for you suckers who want to start something (I’ll have one soon enough). Unfortunately, I got this:

What can you do? At least he lost the bullshit sweater. Next time I’ll use a box of Triscuits (and some Munster) for better results. Anyway, Brock is going to hate that I put these dogs up on the site, but fuck it, I feel good.. Oh and one more point about He-Man, that damn Orco, he was fucking terrible.

Looked like a bootleg Blinky from Ms. Pac Man with a zero on his chest. Terrible.

– Lake


Look, you already know where I come out on dogs and white people.  I’ll kick a dog…I said it.  Look, dogs are too familiar.  I worked with a dude who took his dog to a pet psycologist to make sure the dog would get along with his new kid.   Fuuuuuuck that.  First of all, I ain’t paying to brain shrink the dog.  All the dog needs to know is when to eat, where to shit, and stay away from my stuff…and that I’ll whoop that ass if rules one, two or three is broken.  Oh rule #4, you try to bite the kid and you go for the long walk with Daddy Brock.  I know, I know, dogs are people too…ASPCA is on their way to the office, PETA will be calling any minute.  I’ve never given you anything but the truth, agree or not…that is my truth.