Posts Tagged ‘Chris Tucker’

Man Up Monday: Martin Lawrence

August 4, 2008

I didn’t want to do this.  I really didn’t.  I used to love Martin Lawrence, I’ve got every episode of his show memorized.  But I can’t take it anymore.

I mean he was funny as hell back then.  Ol’ Otis the security guard, Tyrone, even Shenehneh even though I’m not really down with the cross-dressing shits.  Even after that, Martin hit us with Bad Boys, Nothing to Lose (which is quietly hilarious), Life, Blue Streak (even though Dave Chappelle killed it in his small part).  Then it was over.   Big Momma’s house seems to be the turning point.

When was the last time this dude was funny?  I just saw two horrible joints back to back.  College Road Trip and Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins.

I mean those two joints were mothafackin turrible.  I mean I was trapped on an airplane for 5 hours when they showed that damn College Road Trip and I still almost didn’t finish it.  I voluntarily watched Roscoe Jenkins, but the bad part was, everyone was funny but Martin Lawrence.  The trailer seemed funny, but it just didn’t all come together right.

Why does this always happen?  All the great comedians fall off, can’t my generation get one comedian that doesn’t go out like a complete punk?  Where’s out Richard Pryor?  Our Redd Foxx?  Our Bill Cosby?  Martin Lawrence…lost it.  Eddie Murphy…fell off.  Chris Tucker…I barely remember him being funny at all he’s so terrible now.  Dave Chappelle might be done now too, I just haven’t seen him do anything at all since he disappeared into Africa after the Chappelle’s Show debacle.  He’ll probably come back dressed like a woman too and it will be the beginning of the end of his career.  It will be his Big Momma’s Norbit, Doubtfire, Ruby Rhod moment.

So what went wrong? I’ve pinpointed it.  The leather suit.  You can’t be funny without the leather suit.  I know this sounds like barbershop logic, but hear me out.  Watch.


Not funny.


Not funny.


Not funny. And from the look on his face, he knows it.

Who’s left?  Chris Rock?  Jamie Foxx?  Someone let them know to keep the closet stocked with the leather jumpsuit or their career is in serious jeopardy.  If you ask Lake, he’s already convinced that “Fur is the new Funny”.  Look, I’m down for whatever works at this point.

Martin I need to to sit down at the crib, put “You So Crazy” on repeat, break out the leather suit and get back to basics.  You were one of the best.  Now man up and get your swagger back.

Martin, Man Up!


Grand Theft Auto IV: This is Going to be Great!

April 2, 2008

Grand Theft Auto has always been a favorite here in the Us Versus Them offices. I didn’t see Lake for about two and a half months when Vice City came out, and we both put a ridiculous amount of hours into San Andreas (CJ reminded me of myself back in my bangin’ and slangin’ days. OK, fine. It wasn’t guns and drugs…but I was bangin out and slangin’ them thangs) So GTA IV is about to hit PS3 and XBOX and we’ve got the new trailer.

HAAAAAA. Damn, That would actually be hilarious. I guess they pulled quotes from when Chris Tucker was actually funny. Let me tell you, I’d buy the game the day it came out if I could yank a cat out of their car and scream “you got knocked the fuggout!” as I drove off.

Some say Chris Tucker stopped being funny right after Friday and Money Talks. Some people draw the line right after Rush Hour. I draw the line about halfway through The Fifth Element when he popped up looking like this:


Once again, as I’ve explained before, this is not a situation where you can just drop a “no homo” and get yourself off the hook. You’ve already gone too far. Waaaaaaay too far.

On the real though, I’m getting that GTA IV. No one gives you wide open gameplay like Grand Theft Auto and Rockstar.