Posts Tagged ‘Celebrity Butt’

Assology 103: Unexpected Ass – Mena Suvari

April 10, 2008

Loyal Us Versus them readers know that I am the worlds leading authority on Assology. I really pride myself on knowing what is out there. In my youth, I peeped that girl Six on Blossom and knew she was nothing but the truth. I can spot a tight ass at 30 paces with a bad angle. Nothing makes it past me. But today I am humbled. Let’s talk about Mena Suvari. If you know who the hell she is, you probably remember her like this:

Nothing to write home about there. Just some old Humbert Humbert type Lolita attraction from American Beauty…not my thing. So she never hit the radar. Maybe if I had seen this picture I would have been tipped off, but alas I didn’t. So I was caught completely off guard when I saw this:

Now we have flapjack on the far right, “gravity take the wheel” in the middle and and some old school thickums on the left. You are saying the same thing I said when I saw it. That can’t be her. That isn’t Mena Suvari. She’s just a skinny chick weighing long about a hundred and nothin’. Fine, another angle then.

Oh no, that is her…and that crease is tucked in tight. Does she know how to rock it though?

She even tries to arch the back on it. It doesn’t lead in to the tailpiece the way I like it but she sticks the landing like she’s going for the Gold in Beijing. It almost tucks itself in too much. I feel like I can see the ocean between the ass and the thigh. One more shot for posterior…uhhhh…posterity.

I honestly prefer to work in the range of Caramel Brown to Sweet Dark Chocolate as opposed to Pinky Pank, but you’re on the watchlist now Mena. Don’t let us down.

By the way, what’s up with the new thong, ass out bathing suit trend in 2008? This is the third full ass cheek out I’ve seen in the last month (although the most impressive).

We’ve also had Kate Hudson:

Where the thong is a mere suggestion as to where her butt may start, otherwise there may just be a crack in her back. And we had Jennifer Aniston.

Once again, that poor piece of purple fabric is just fighting for respectability in a world gone horribly wrong. I used to think she had ass too. I guess that was just compared to those other chicks on Friends…low bar.

-Brock