Posts Tagged ‘celebrities working out’

Timbaland…We Need To Talk

December 18, 2007

Usually, Lake and I just talk about people who do stupid things. But this time it’s different. Sometimes, people just need help. So in the spirit of the holiday season, Us Versus Them is giving back.

timbaland-huh.jpg

This picture really sums it all up. Timbaland has a major lack of self awareness issue. You know, those people who think they are smarter, funnier, better looking, or more popular than they actually are. Well Timbo has all those problems.

Lets start with the inspiration of the outfit above:

swole-timbaland.jpg

So yeah, Timbaland worked out sometime between now and when he used to just be a fat dude from Virginia. Here’s where the problem starts. I know, I know Dr. Dre came out on swole too in the extra smedium shirt on national TV. What is the difference between Dr. Dre and Timbaland? Dr. Dre didn’t oil himself down like a damn model in King Magazine before he did it. Come on man, that looks ridiculous. That interpretational wife beater is bad enough by itself, but that grease is too much.

Here’s another example.

timbaland-magoo.jpg

How many albums did he release with that clown Magoo? Wait, let me back up…what made him think it was a good idea to align with a rapper named Magoo? A rapper named Magoo is like naming a professional sports team the Poodles, or the Wizards. (I know they used to be waaaaay out there as the Bullets, but did you have to go to the complete other side of the spectrum?)  What happened to Magoo anyway?

magoo-missing.jpg

The only reason we’re reaching out is because Timbo is responsible for every hot beat that came out between 1995 and 1999 before Pharrell and the Neptunes started killing the game. So here we go. For starters, you are not funny, and people don’t really like you that much. Therefore, when you are in public, you are not allowed to make faces like this:

timbaland.jpg

You aren’t a member of the Jackass crew, so you just look like an idiot. In fact you also aren’t allowed to dress like this:

timbaland11.jpg

Is that a fur jacket or is it made out of feathers?

Look Timbaland. Justin Timberlake likes working with you, Nelly Furtado sounds great over your beats, your singles are even getting airplay, but people probably don’t even realize that the song is on your album. Stay behind the boards big fella. Stop dressing up in a suit and dancing on stage with Justin during SexyBack. No one is looking at you. No one needs that from you. No one wants that from you. So stop, just stop. Thanks.

-Brock