Man(ny) Up Monday: The Sellers Remorse Edition

So much happened this week.  The Olympics are starting, John Edwards just got exposed for hitting on the side, but this is a very special edition of Man Up Monday…we’re going to cover sellers remorse.

First, as the baseball trade deadline approached, the Red Sox cut Manny Ramirez loose.  He was too much trouble.  He doesn’t run out flyballs in right field.  He makes calls from inside the green monster.  Apparently he didn’t have any more use for the Boston Red Sox.

Well, since the trade, Manny is hitting .600 with four knocks and 11 RBI’s.  I don’t even like baseball, but I think I want that guy around my team.

How do you feel about that performance Theo?

Do you think you should have kept him?

Easy fella, don’t cry.  You got Jason Bay.  I’m sure he’ll be a real stud.  I’m sure all the fans in Boston really appreciate it.  You better hope Manny cools off, or those fans in Beantown are going to start tracking you down in the streets.  Hey, even Manny doesn’t know why you did it.

Don’t worry, this isn’t all about you.  There is another team setting up to catch a major case of sellers remorse.  In fact it might be the biggest case in history.

Brett Favre is a Jet?  Wow, what the hell is that about?  I know the Packers were in a bad spot, but I guess a fourth round draft pick looks good when you were willing to pay $25 million just to make the dude stay away.  At least you got something for it.

Packers, you’re next.  If Brett makes the Jets winners, you will all look like assholes.  Oh, and tell Aaron Rogers to keep the chinstrap on tight.  He’s gonna be taking hits everyday of the week.  Not just on Sundays.

Never Look Back.  Man Up!

-Brock

Newsflash: ‘Lovable’ Farve Was a Dick All Along

Hey, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.  I called it back in the day.  Yep, yet another media creation of a “good guy” one of “their guys” gets exposed for what he really is:  A dead up asshole.

I mean, look at the smug look on that cat’s face in the midst asking for a trade a full 24 hours after he was reinstated.  The balls on this fuckin’ guy!

“He just loves the game,” they say.  “He has a passion for winning,” they cry.  One of the greatest Quarterbacks to ever play the game.”

“Hardworking”

“Stand-up”

“Dedicated”

“Passionate”

Sure…How about drug addict, probably can’t stand to be around his wife and kids and thus un-retired, and classless ingrate who is literally biting the hand that’s been feeding him for over a decade now.

But let’s not forget, Brett has fucked up in the past.  You just never hear about that.  And when he fucked up, they found a way to fix that too.  “Brett’s a gunslinger, that’s what he is.”

If by “gunslinger” you mean interception machine, then yes, the mufucker is a gunslinger. He took that gun and slinged my fantasy football team into the toilet a few years back.  I mean, come on.  Let’s not forget, dude was “addicted to painkillers” and they spun that into his “dedication to the game he loves.”  Riiight, either that or dude was a junky.  And let’s not forget that he initially refused to help mentor Aaron Rodgers when he first arrived in Green Bay. I know, I know, that was all about his “passion to compete.”  Riiight.  Of course that’s it.  And when TO complains about McNabb or Jeff Garcia, he’s “a cancer in that locker room.”

Give me a break.  I bet you that dickhead Joe Buck has his entire staff researching how this entire fiasco is somehow the fault of Randy Moss, Deion Sanders and Terrell Owens.  Pleez.  Brett’s just another asshole who was finally put in a position to show us all his true colors.  Just like Roger Clemens.

GetTheFuckOuttaHere..

– Lake

Man Up Monday: Brett Favre is Back

It is our first repeat performance, Brett Favre put in another week of bitchassness to get a second consecutive Man Up Monday.

You know the crazy thing about Brett Favre?  We all know he’s a cowboy asshole, but I’m not sure he knows it.  One thing is for certain, Brett Favre sure looooves him some Brett Favre.  I mean, this guy is always Brett Favre first and everyone else second.  It shows up when he tries to throw into triple coverage because he thinks he’s the only man in the history of the world who can do it.  It has been showing every time he didn’t retire for the last few years.

This is what Brett Favre looks like when he is not retiring.

So here’s what Brett did this week.

He had an interview with Greta Van Susteren, Wisconsin native and Packers shareholder.  Nice one.  Way to jump right into the hard hitting interview.  Way to step outside of anyone who knows anything about sports and football.  Drunk Joe Namath would’ve asked more pointed questions.  Hell, they could have agreed on one thing, neither of them could care less about the team strug-ga-ling.

Then Brett makes the announcement that he might show up at Packers camp to call their bluff.  What bluff is that Brett?  The bluff that they couldn’t possibly want anyone other than you to be quarterback?  Distracting and holding the Packers hostage so they can never play with anyone other than him?

Favre is going to stick it to the Pack this year.  The Vikings are supposedly in the mix and being investigated for tampering.  Can you imagine Favre and A. Pete rolling into Lambeau?  Ugly.  You upgrade Tavaris Jackson to Brett Favre?  Actually, the Vikings would still suck.  Brett just needs to go away or formally become the GM of some program so he can hire himself as QB.

Brett, Man Up and head back home.  You know good and well the Packers can’t make this decision without looking like assholes.  Your real retirement as a Packer is going to be tarnished now, and no one wants to see you wearing anything but green and yellow.

See, that doesn’t even look right.

Brett, I told ya last week, now you need to listen to me.

Man Up!

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Brett Favre

Brett Favre must think that “retire” is what you do when your car gets a flat because he sure as hell has no intention of quitting football.  Just FYI Brett, here is the real definition: “to withdraw, or go away or apart, to a place of privacy, shelter, or seclusion”.  Got it?  Go away, withdraw, get out, stop.  Brett, you’ve got the ring, you’ve got the MVP’s, you’ve got the touchdown record, you’ve got the yardage record, you are a first ballot Hall Of Famer, you define the modern Green Bay Packers, and you’ve had a great 16 year career.  By the way, remember this?

Riiiiiight, that was when you promised yourself that you wouldn’t get emotional, told everyone you were hanging it up, when you decided to stop holding the Packers and Aaron Rogers hostage.

Come on Brett, what is it really?  You always say it is the love of the game, you claim that you’ve still got it, people at a high school in Mississippi still talk about you throwing it 50 yards “on a rope”. Hey Brett, you can come clean with me:

Deanna looks like a nice lady.  Is it that bad staying at home?  Does Deanna need to step her game up or something?  I’ve never seen a man who wants to stay on the road more than you do bruh.  When I first heard the news, I knew at least these chicks would be happy.

Naaaaaah, their pissed too.  Because long about 2 hours after Brett tried to rescind his retirement, he also dropped the formal letter asking for his unconditional release.  Which means he can roll anywhere he wants, including a division rival, a title contender, anyone.  Unconditional?  Probably not.  Look, don’t get me wrong the Packers are more than ready to start the post-Favre era…BUT they aren’t going to do it if you are going to be showing up in a Bears uniform whooping ass in Green Bay twice a season anytime soon.

You know what, I knew when I saw you throw that pick in overtime that you were going to come back, there was no chance you were going to let that be your final pass.  Fun fact, the first pass that Brett Favre ever threw in the NFL was in Atlanta…was an interception…and it got run back for a touchdown.  Classic Favre right there.

You know what, this one is going to sound backwards.  Normally Man Up Monday is about sacking up, stepping up, and making it happen.  This time, it takes a bigger man to step down.  Just like I told Hillary, there is a time to pack it up and go home for the good of the Packers, for the good of the future of the league, and for your own damn good.  Besides you are already on the cover of Madden.  You’re cursed.  They tried to pick a retired player to avoid players ducking the cover, we’ll you just brought yourself back and right into the crosshairs of one of the nastiest bad luck streaks ever.

Brett, man up and stay home.  The best players in the game have passed you by.  Don’t go all Vinnie Testaverde on us, ok?

Man Up!

-Brock

Favre Finally Calls It a Career…Yawn.

This is barely news for me, but I’ll post on it because one of our boys from back in our college days had the audacity to send me a sentimental email on the topic, so I figured I’d just give a quick comment and move on, so here it is: Brett Farve retired, then, jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care.

See unlike some of these clowns out here, I don’t see Brett like this:

Sure, homey was a good QB and you basically had to be an asshole, which I am, to hate on him, but let’s face it, toward the end of his career, 75% of the time he was about as off key as a William Hung solo.

1. Selfishness – While everyone else in the league gets rapped on for being a “selfish diva” which is doubly disrespectful because it’s really just a soft way to call a dude a bitch (They do it to TO, Chad Johnson, Moss), Farve was the epitome of this toward the end. First, dude had the nerve to get miffed when the Packers drafted Aaron Rodgers as if they aren’t supposed to think about life after Favre. Like he wasn’t holding the club hostage after each and every season with this silly talk about retirement. Nilla Pleez!

Then he went out of his way to diss Rodgers, even going so far as to say that he wasn’t there to help another guy develop. Then homey asked for a trade, gave some silly line about having the most talent around him since he’d been there (Reggie White anyone?) and just so happened to retire AFTER he broke a bunch of Dan Marino records he claims not to care about.

What a dick.

2. Interceptions – Has anybody gotten more of a free pass for throwing the most ridiculous interceptions ever known to man?

I know, I know, he’s a good ole gunslinger… A good ole boy who plays like he’s 10 years old, back in the bayou, eatin’ rattle snake and snackin’ on crawfish.

Believe me, I get it. Farve can get a free pass for his horrible decision-making, but with every other QB, that’s a sign of immaturity. Farve is the NFL’s All-Time career leader in Interceptions! Farve was a walking contradiction. A double standard personified. I will miss seeing him throw interception after interception at the most inopportune time, but I won’t miss the fact that it was always glossed over. Tarnished his legacy? That IS his legacy.

3. Man crushes –

God will I EVER be happy not to have to hear all these clowns on ESPN, CBS and Fox talk about “how good Brett Favre is”, how “you won’t find another guy who enjoys the game as much”, how “he just goes out there and plays.” I mean, come on. Brett must be a pretty cool dude to have all these dudes on his nuts like that.

Let’s face it, dude was pretty good but he wasn’t that good. He’s not Joe Montana, he’s not John Elway, he’s not Steve Young, hell, he’s not Peyton Manning or Tom Brady. Dude is good enough to be a Hall of Famer and that’s good, but he’s on the bottom of that list, not the top.  I’m really happy that I won’t have to hear anymore Brett Favre dack riding, so I’m happy to see the boy go and no, I won’t be crying that I won’t see Brett play ever again.

He does enough crying for all of us. Next.

– Lake

We Found Some Winners In Green Bay

The Superbowl is set, with the Team of Destiny, New England Patriots, taking on the barely made the playoffs but rolling since then New York Giants. America’s boy, Brett Favre underthrew a pass in overtime to seal in his loss.  That play may be the one thing that brings him back to the game next season.  If he had a “good” loss in the Superbowl, he may be able to hang ’em up.  But ending his Hall of Fame career on an interception?  I don’t think so.

There was one positive thing that came out of the game, the reinvention of the Superfan.  No one has made a impact on TV like this since the “FSU Cowgirls“.  I present the Packer Bikini Girls.

Unlike our girls down in Florida, these girls made it happen in Sub-zero weather.  That’s how you make yourself famous people.  These young ladies will be airbrushed in Maxim magazine within three months.

At first, I thought it was a quick random attempt to grab publicity.  Here’s my thing.  Isn’t it impossible to get tickets to Lambeau?  None of these girls look like they’ve been on a waiting list for 93 years or however long you have to wait for your season tickets to come up now.  The crazy thing is these ladies have done it before.  Our crack staff of interns were able to turn up a few more photos.

Here is a pic before the “reveal”…I guess they aren’t completely crazy.  Cute?  I’ll let you be your own judge on that.  Right now they are on the high side of average in my book, but willingness to take it off in negative wind chill gives you a few extra swing points.

Look, they are real fans.  They’ve done it at least once before.  They really stepped their game up with the matching tops though.  The FSU cowgirls already have the hat gimmick, and they really went the extra mile with their outfits, so these chicks may need to go tops and bottoms to carve out their niche.  TV coverage in the NFC title game may have already pushed them over the edge though.  Well played ladies, well played.

-Brock