Posts Tagged ‘Boston Celtics’

A Very Special UvT Message: NBA Finals Edition

June 17, 2008

As basketball season comes to a close and “the drought” aka the only damn thing on is baseball season begins it is time for us to reflect on the NBA. Now last year I was always asking “Why are you still in the league?”, but the NBA Finals are a special time. Then NBA finals produce two kinds of players. Legends of the game who go down in the annals of history…

…and muthafuckas that don’t deserve a ring.

For every Michael Jordan, there is a Jason Caffey. For every Kobe and Shaq, there is a Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen.

See that muthafucka knows he did not deserve that ring.

This year we have Scot Pollard.

That is why the Celtics can’t win. That muthafucka there is gets more than “Why the hell are you still in the league? He gets a full on That muthafucka. Does not. Deserve. A ring.

There it is. Celtics can’t win.

I’m just sayin’

-Brock

———–UPDATE—————–

OK.  So the Celtics won.  Did anyone notice that this asshole Scot Pollard changed into uniform at halftime?  What a dick.  I guess he wanted to make it look like he actually had something to do with the win.

Scot, the last game you played was in February…and it was only for 7 minutes.  You were declared out for the season on March 5th.  You had street clothes on in the first half.  What was it like to be in the locker room up by twenty and say…hmmm…we’re about to get the chip.  Maybe I should look like an actual player.  You can sleep with that?

-Brock

Everybody Loves Raymond: C’s Win Game 4

June 13, 2008

“Call the coroner… there’s gonna be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing.”

– Biggie Smalls talking about the Lakers in the ’08 NBA Playoffs

Wow, Ray Allen finally remembered that he was Ray Allen and sacked up in a major way to lift the Celtics to a win over the Lakers with some help from Pierce, Posey and House.

Is it just me or is Ray Allen smiling in giddy disbelief after breezing past Euro Number 2? What were the Lakers thinking about using that long haired Euro against Ray Allen? I mean, come on. Ray hit dude with a basic move and then it was like the cat just fell into a black hole or something. I mean, they needed a defensive stop and dude was nowhere to be found!

The least he could have done was manned up with a hard foul, reach in, block, technical, shank or something. Disgusting. And again, I’m rooting for the Celtics because I’m going to enjoy yet another night of championship antics in these Boston streets, but even I want to see the Lakers compete.

Hey miscellaneous EUROS, it’s a man’s game, play it the right way or get the F off the court! And cut that damn wet rag off your dome. You aren’t running around the caves of Slovania or whereever you’re from anymore, ok? Maybe cutting that mop will give you some heart, like a reverse Sampson or something.  24 points up and you still couldn’t close it out?  Hey, don’t worry Lakers fans, at least you won’t have to see this much longer.

Nice team win for the Celtics and yes this series is OVA!

I’m happy for KG, Ray Ray and Paul, too. They deserve these rings. Maybe the Championship experience will encourage Paul Pierce to cut off that god awful facial hair, too. Geez, I mean, what’s that about? Someone cue up that rowdy Boston victory song because the party has already started in Beantown. In fact, I’ll just do it myself.

Oh yes, it’s party time.

– Lake

Boston Sports: Celtics Win, Manny Being Manny….501 Times Over

June 2, 2008

Yo, I’ve been out of pocket over the last couple of days. I know, it’s because I was tending to my ailing Auntie, right? Uhh, nah. The only thing that was being tended to were those plentiful bottles of Grecian Geese I was imbibing by the liter full.

And just so you know, that Grey Goose Gimlet is the perfect weapon for that weekend long bender. Anyway, it’s just a great time to be living in Beantown because this sports culture out here is just fire! Things are happening so fast that I can’t even catch up.

I mean, no sooner than Manny Ramirez jacks out that 500th homer, thereby securing his place in the Baseball Hall of Fame and Red Sox lore forever, he runs off and hits one again. Dude, Manny is a MONSTER at the plate. And while he hasn’t passed my favorite all time baseball player Pedro Martinez yet, homey is truly knocking at that door.

At this point, the only way a cat can keep Manny in the ball park is to go ahead and pitch him a Mariah Carey-Cannon special:

HA! That was terrible. I mean, first off, who does she think she is with that gear? Is this chick a fast ass, facebook happy 17 year old teenie bopper or a 38 year old cougar with a substandard pre nup game? Put some damn clothes on, take them stripper heels off and put some damn umph behind that first pitch. Then again, I guess you’d have a hard time getting that ball all the way over home plate too if your diet consisted of yeyo, Cannon balls and celery sticks. I mean, just imagine how skinny she’d look if she didn’t have 8 pounds of silicone sittin’ on high to fill out that extra medium pink top.

Anyway, moving on.. big up to the Celtics for putting away those Pistons, too!

You gotta be happy for Paul Pierce because that fool has struggled in Boston. Sheeyut, I knew the C’s were gonna win after game 5 when I saw Bill Belicheat sitting in those floor seats with that wild woman.

Lol… Dude, I know some cats are breast man, but Bill is taking the thing a bit too far. So much for the perception that all these guys do is work. Clearly Bill’s been working all right….working them J’s. Damn. You know Belichick had a microphone in the Piston’s locker room, bought off a ref or three and put that stone-faced hoody hex on Chaucey’s ahem groin.

Anyway, though I’m not a fan of all the teams, the Sox, Celts and Patriots do make for year ’round sports bliss in the Bean. Out.

– Lake

Man Up Monday: Atlanta Hawks

May 5, 2008

Well, I guess the Celtics caught the UvT warning yesterday because they beat the Hawks down like they were talking about their mama. The Celtics jumped all over the Hawks like…

I know I said that the Celtics were on the verge of the Man Up Monday of the year, and they handled their business. But now, I gotta talk about the Atlanta Hawks becuase they shouldn’t have caught that kind of beatdown in a game seven.

Marvin Williams got ejected.

MIke Bibby went out like a cat.

Look, the only time of the game it is okay for your team to be down by half of what the other team has is sometime in the first quarter. You know 8-4…maybe even 20-10. The Hawks were down 34-68 late in the third quarter. You know how you can do things at your pedestrian job that is not professional? You know, get in a fight with your wife/girlfriend on the office phone. Telling Carla from accounting how good her ass looks in them jeans? Well in the NBA, catching an asswhooping like that…is not professional.

KG, LeBron ain’t going out like that. You best believe he is going to try to crush you before he even gets to game 7.

Good Luck.

Atlanta Hawks…you finished four games below .500 and inexplicably still made the playoffs. You got the number 1 seed to game seven and folded. Atlanta hasn’t made the playoffs since 1999 and might not be back until 2019. You had your shot. You all need to…

MAN UP!

Oops, I guess you needed this a few hours ago.

-Brock

Man Up Mon-Sunday…

May 4, 2008

I had to get to this one early because it might be the biggest man up moment in sports this year.

Hey fellas.  Every one has been treating you like the three biggest badasses in the NBA this year.  KG, you know this performance basically sealed you out of any paaaaaaaarts of the MVP this year, right?  Maybe we were right about these three all along, they haven’t always just been victims of circumstance caught on bad teams.  Instead they might just be losers who can’t hold it down in the clutch.

It’s the Atlanta Hawks fellas.  They would be a practice squad in the West and barely snuck into the East.  You’ve got to shut them down, but with one game for all the marbles you better blow them out early.

These guys would have handled their bitnah by now.

-Brock